A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
If you need a laugh today, then this should do it!
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell (Judas Asparagus)
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbour's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humour thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
God made us all similar in some things and different in others...
There are who "come" to life with the gift to serve...
Others with the gift to understand...
Others with the skill to fix every he touches...
Others with the ability to clean... yes, to clean hearts and minds with their purity...
Others with the gift to sweeten the bitterness...
Others make people laugh since they are born and go through life dropping happiness in all directions...
Etc., etc., etc......
But we were all brought unto life with the skill and duty to LOVE... no matter how the others are... Loving the server, the wise, the skilled one or the clumsy, the builder or the crazy one, the cheerful or THE melancholic...
We were given life to Love each other... no matter what!!...
Then... no matter how we are... when Love imposes its power and floods our souls.... every gift will reach and will fill us all...
"But we were all brought unto life with the skill and duty to LOVE"
Agnos,
So very well put!! It is a gift...an abilty...given to us by God. As children we utilized it freely and openly. Love came naturally and easily to us. As we grew older, we "lost" some of that ability or we had it "deadend" by harsh experiences. Failed romances and relationships and life in general -- dulling and stifling that ability to Love, until we find ourselves having to "search" for it.
Luckily we have The King of Love ready to Restore that Ability in us. All we have to do is ask Him into our Hearts and to Lead us in Love...to "show" us how to Love...to give us The Grace of Love.
Believe me, it is like "riding a bicycle". You will pick it up quickly.
"The Greatest Love begins with the smallest gesture of affection...a Kiss!"
All jokes aside, Agnos, I sincerely believe that women are to be considered one of the great masterpieces of God's handiwork. And that as such, they should be treated with respect, reverence, and above all, love and devotion. (It's still fun to make jokes about 'em though, they have their share of jokes about us!) CE
Edw, of course that we can laugh about ourselves!!! women and men... Oops!! sorry.... men and women.... Yes, I have to keep the order of the creation.... even though it is not the order of the perfection.... ha!!! :yay:
If you have more about us... bring them on brother!!! :boxing:
Joking!!!!!!! :rolleyes: .... I am not that fighter at all... but I could find some more, and my sisters here can help to kick you all too, beautiful men... :goofball:
Just let us laugh as Arch proposed... I think that God is too watching us and sharing happiness... Oh! I cannot wait to watch at Him...!!!
Yes Arch, God "flattens" every hill which emerges from a discussion, concerning our differences in doctrines, ideas, level of maturity, and so on., He fixes everything we do with our clumsiness ... He composes and amends them all with His Own Being = Love.... You see?, No matter what is the title of the threads: biblical studies, jokes, or poetry, even discussions with misunderstanding and arguing... all of them lead to one thing... Love, because everything in this amazing creation lead to the source... God, who is THE LOVE... :applause:
You are right, it is easy... we are the ones who make it hard to practice Love, the Agape... We are always looking for with the eyes of the flesh, we should do it with Heaven's eyes.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
:rocknroll:
One day a girl came home crying to her Mom. "What's wrong?" her Mom asked. The girl responded," I'm not a creation, God made men first, I'M NOTHING!" "That's not true," Then the mom said,"Oh baby, that's not true, God may have made the man first, but there's always a rough draft before the masterpiece."
(Thought you'd like that one):bow:
And finally:-for they guys:
Joe's wife left him after 15 years of marriage. Feeling depressed because he lost half of everything to his exwife, he takes a walk through the forrest to clear his mind. His foot kicks a bottle and a Genie pops out.The genie says,"I'll give you 3 wishes, BUT everything you get, your exwife gets 2 times as much. Joe thinks a minute, he wishes for a car and his xwife gets two times as many cars. Then he wished for a house and his exwife got 2 houses.THen he asked the genie to choke him half to death.
too watching us