A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Ya got any gwapes?'
The bartender gives the duck a weird look and says, "We don't serve grapes."
The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks, "Ya got any gwapes?"
The bartender replies, "Look, we don't serve grapes, we have never served grapes and we will never serve grapes."
A few days later the duck walks into the bar and asks, "Ya got any gwapes?"
The bartender angrily replies, "I already told you duck, we don't serve grapes here, we have never served grapes and we will never serve grapes. If you ask about grapes one more time I will nail your mouth shut!"
The duck sits silently for a few minutes, and then asks "Ya got any nails?"
Katie, that dock was insistent indeed!!! :ROFL: but not stupid :ROFL: :ROFL:
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A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a spinster nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God."
"Okay, that solves my situation" the man said with a smile, "then bill my brother-in-law."
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
