A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
Well here's my laugh contribution for the day! [ A little "wry" humor?] ~ GraceMae
----------------------------
Grandma�s Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his Grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, He looked up and said,�Grandma, how come you don�t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?�
Grandma replied,�Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The Religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I�m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.�
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. . . .
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma�s Pastor.
The Pastor said, �Hello son, is your Grandma home?�
The little boy replied, �Yeah, she�s in the bedroom bangin� her boyfriend.�
I leave you kids unattended and look what's happened!
Ok...true story. (I was there when this happened)
A young girl (perhaps 6 or 7) was asked up on the platform to help feed the Dolphins at a show. The trainer asked her what her name was and a few other questions. When it came to where the little girl was supposed to hold the fish out for the Dolphin to snatch it away from her, the trainer asked the little girl if she knew what kind of fish she was about to feed the Dolphins. The girl answered "Yes...yes I do".
The trainer waited a few more seconds then asked her "Well, what kind are they?"
The little girl replied into the microphone "DEAD ONES!" :laugh::ROFL::laugh::rocknroll:
Mrs O'leary had just awakened and realized that the garbage truck was outside and about to pass her up. She rushed downstairs and with her hair in curlers and a dried facial mask covering her face and her still in her robe with fuzzy slippers...she raced outside with a trash bag in each hand and yelled at the men
"I am not too late...Am I?"
One of the men looked at her and replied
"No you are not...JUMP IN!":peace::rolleyes::rolleyes::yay:
Oh you guys!!!! :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: I have been far for few days and I almost got a heart attack while reading all the last jokes�
You eeeeeeedw!!!!! You have never used you ipod in public again, haven�t you? :goofball: :goofball: :goofball:
GraceMae by the moment I got the point of "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." I was already �in tears� :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:
///
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the woman yelled back, "Cardigan!"
///
There was a cat and a mouse who went to heaven, and they were there at the same time. Well, the mouse approaches God's throne, and God asks him, "So, how do you like it up here?"
The mouse says, "It's nice, but could I get a pair of roller skates?"
God says, "Sure."
So, the mouse gets his roller skates.
Well, the next day, the cat approaches God's throne, and the same question is directed at him. So, he answers, "It's great! I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!"
///
Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am
doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?
Those were funny but the lantern joke was the bomb!:ROFL:
A man and his wife go to the carnival every year.Every year the man asks his wife,"Anna can we ride one of them airplanes that goes up for a couple of minutes then comes back down?"
The woman always replied by saying,"We don't need to spend any extra money on those airplanes, it's too expensive. Ten dollars is ten dollars!"
Tom, the pilot said,"Larry, every year I hear you say you want to ride in one of my airplanes,and every year Anna says it's too expensive.I'll make you a deal- If I do all my tricks and flips with you in there, and you don't say a word, I'll let you ride for free."
Anna and Larry discussed it and decided they couldn't pass up a deal like that.They got up in the air and Tom did all his tricks and flips.
When they got back on the ground Tom said,"Larry,I just knew you'd say something after that first flip but you didn't say a word!"
Larry replied,"I was gonna say something when Anna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars!":nahnah:
Ooooh!! that was so cruel.... edw... but still :ROFL:
but anyway, thanks for the idea... if I would marry some day and went to a ride like that one I will take with me some additional ropes ... just in case ...
///
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others
I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3
To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)
For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.
Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.
I have to say I'm glad this joke thread went over better than the one Leon (klmartin) tried to start. He told two jokes that in my opinion, weren't any "worse" than a few I've read in this thread, but he got completely chastised for them. (And they were funny, too - and he had copied them from another Christian site!)
Now that I'm thinking about it, it started with one person thinking it was inappropriate and the rest just kind of followed suit in their comments. I don't know about all of you, but I will never act like a sheep and just blindly follow what others say - my "sheepness" belongs to Christ and Christ alone. I believe that God gave me a brain in my head and a heart in my chest for the purpose of discerning for myself (through Him) what is right and what is wrong - and never, ever, for "going along with the crowd."
Sorry, I'm not trying to turn this all serious, but it did really bother me when so many people got after Leon they way they did. (One person even agreed with what others were saying, then said "lmao" to another persons post - does this person not know what "lmao" stands for? Lol)
Maybe I'm just cranky lately - watching my mom die is giving me a whole new perspective on living. And really, this is a good thread - life shouldn't always be serious. I just don't like it when I see things on this site (not this thread) that make me think, "Mr.Pot...meet Mr. Kettle."
An extended family lived together in a big house by the Mississippi. One day, after days of rain, the river went over the banks. The family moved as much as they could to the top story of the house, but they all had to climb up on the rooof to keep dry, and wait for someone to come fetch them.
As they were sitting on the roof, the small boy saw a straw hat come 'round the side of the house, move along in front, then go around the other side of the house. It was not moving with the current. The little boy sat there with his mother and father, little sister, aunt, and grandmother and a few minutes later, here comes the hat again, moving steadily from one side of the house, along the front, and around the other side.
The boy was puzzled. When the hat came by the third time, still against the current, the boy asked his dad, "Pa - what is that hat floating in the water?" His dad replied, "Oh, that's your Grandpa. You know he said yesterday -- come heck or high water, he was going to mow the grass today!"
