Author	Thread: Lighten Up! Just Sayin~
Admin	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 19 Jan, 2011 10:22 PM I thought y'all might enjoy these here hillbilly medical terms for a lighten up time. :ROFL: Disclaimer: No offense intended to any hillbillys cause I is one sometimes goin barefoot an all. :rocknroll: Benign=What you do after you be eight. Bacteria=Back door to cafeteria. Barium=What you do with dead folks. Cauterize=Made eye contact with her. Colic=A sheep dog. Coma=A punctuation mark. Fester=Quicker than someone else. Fibula=A small lie. Hangnail=What you hang your coat on. Impotent=Distinguished and very well known. Morbid= A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates=Cheaper than day rates. Medical Staff=A doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake. Node=I knew it. Outpatient=Person who has fainted. Pap Smear=Fatherhood test. Pelvis=Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative=A letter carrier. Recovery Room=Place to do upholstery. Ceasarean Section=A place in Rome. Seizure=Roman Emperor who lived in the ceasarean section. Secretion=Hiding something. Enema=Not a friend. Terminal Illness=Getting sick at the train station. Tumor=More than one. Urine=Opposite of mine. Varicose=Near by. Hospital=The biggest building in town, other than Joe's Feed Warehouse or Frank's Lumber Mill. Dilate= To live longer than your kids do. Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 05:56 AM :ROFL::ROFL::ROFL: Gotta tell Edw to come back and check those out. He will love those! Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 07:06 AM Those are good! Here's some computer terms for ya: ACTIVE DESKTOP: Caused from leavin food on yer puter desk. BACKUP: What ya do when ya done run'd over a skunk in the woods. BAR CODE: Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern. BIT: A wager, as in, "I bit you cain't spit that there watermelon seed across the porch over yonder longways." BOARD: What ya git when ya aint bizzy. BROWSER: What ya do when a purty gal walks by ya in the general store. BUG: The reason ya gave fer callin in sick. BYTE: What yer pitbull dun to cusin Jethro. CACHE: Needed when ya run out of food stamps. CHIP: Pasture muffins that ya try not to step in. COLD BOOT: How yer boots are in winter when ya first put em on. COMPUTER TERMINAL: Time to call the undertaker. CPU: When ya look down and see a cow pattie. CRASH: When ya go to Bubba's party uninvited. CURSOR: What some guys do when they're mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. DIGITAL: The art of counting on yer fingers. DISKETTE: A female Disco dancer. DOS: Redneck shorthand for: "Dont' own Squat" DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when ya pull the trigger. ENTER: Northern for "Y'all C'mon in!" FAX: What ya lie about to the IRS, an yer wife. FLOPPY: When ya run out of Polygrip. HACKER: Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking. HARD BOOT: When ya wake up on the floor with a boot under yer ribs after chug testin grandad's latest batch for smoothness. HARD DRIVE: Tryin to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. HOME PAGE: A map ya keep in yer back pocket just in case ya git lost out in the field. INTERNET: Where cafeteria workers keep their hair. KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the keys to the John Deere. LAN: To borrow as in, "Hey Jim Bob! LAN me yore truck." LAP TOP: Where the little kids & the cat feel comfy. LASER: Someone less ambitious than you. LINE IN: Whatcha do when you go fishin' LOG ON: Makin' the wood stove hotter. MAC: Big Bubba's favorite fast food. MAIN FRAME: The part of the roof that holds the house up. MEGABYTES: A day of good fishin' MEGAHERTZ: How yer head feels after 17 beers. MICRO CHIP: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone. MODEM: What ya do when the grass gits too high. MOTHERBOARD: What Mama gets when she ain't got a boyfriend. MOUSE: Fuzzy, soft thang ya stuff in yer beer bottle in order ta git a free case. NETWORK: Scoop'n up a big fish afore it breaks the line. NEWSGROUP: When the wives git together an gossip at the Widder Hawkins' place. OFFLINE: When the clothes pins let go an the laundry falls on the ground. ONLINE: Where ya stay when takin the sobriety test. PROMPT: What you wish the mail were. RAM: What ya drive if ya aint a Ford or Chevy man. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle. REBOOT: What ya do when the first pair gits covered with barnyard stuff. ROM: Delicious when ya mix it with coca cola. SCREEN: Helps keep the skeeters off the porch. SCREEN SAVER: Repair kit fer the torn winder screen. It's also the paint ya put on your screen door when it begins to rust. SERIAL PORT: A red wine ya drank with yer breakfast. SPREAD SHEET: What Momma puts on the bed SUPERCONDUCTOR: Amtrak's Employee of the year. WARM BOOT: What ya wear on yer feet when it gits cold. WINDOW: Place in the truck to hang yer guns. WINDOW: Also what ya roll down when Jim Bob cuts a big un in the truck. Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 09:29 AM all you hillbillies must live in Michigan,:ROFL: Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 10:10 AM When we first moved from FL to TN my brother was helping a guy in the 'backer' field. Te guy said something to my bro who couldn't understand him. The guy asked why he couldn't and my bro said "you talk weird". The guy replied "No YOU talk weird!!!" Around here they say things like "finer than frogs hair", and "retard" for retired! One lady I said I was sorry to busted out . Apparently when you say you're sorry it means that you're lazy! Oh and deer has an s added to it and things can go from worse to worser! I love TN! :goofball: Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 10:24 AM To give you an idea how fer I live in the sticks, a few miles down the road is a town named Pickles Gap (just across the holler from Toad S uck) Yep, them are real names! I was born in Hope, where they still have watermelon seed spittin' contests. I love it! (Too bad I had to separate the "S" from the "uck" just to post this, kind of takes the flavor out of the name.) Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 11:27 AM Those are funny, Edward. :ROFL: I'm going to borrow some of them thar terms for my collection, thanks! Michigan has its hillbillies, yup! :applause: I was married to one for years and I do have some stories. :rolleyes: If I want something done like a tree trunk pulled out? I call a Michigan redneck/hillbilly, cause I love to watch em pull that baby out with their big, tire truck and a chain. woot! :applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 11:29 AM BTW~be real careful with that "browser." :laugh: Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 01:25 PM In Michigan (at least where I'm from) hillbillies are usually called hicks! Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 02:36 PM We call em that too, in Western Michigan, Katie. :laugh: They don't care what you call em, as long as it's not late for supper. :rolleyes: Post Reply
View Profile History	Lighten Up! Just Sayin~ Posted : 20 Jan, 2011 02:51 PM Yall are funny!:ROFL: And hillbillys rock!:rocknroll: Deborah Post Reply

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