Author	Thread: Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right
Brandy774 View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 20 Jun, 2010 10:13 AM :waving: Like the title? Did I grab your attention?:waving: What are your thoughts as a single parent when dating. Are you not looking for a God fearing partner to help raise your child in the faith? Or are you afraid to state up front that you are? So many people hear "single parent" and they run. So many times I have said ..I am just looking for love not a daddy for my child. Today I realized either I am stupid or in denial. The pastor spoke about the spiritual role of a father in a child's life. I had a light bulb moment..I'm lying every time I say I'm not looking for a dad for my child. Her father is completely absent and she needs to know the difference between a man of God and a man of the world. As if dating wasn't hard enough.."hi my name is Brandy so how to you feel about being the step father to a 5yr old?":rolleyes: Post Reply
View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 7 Jul, 2010 03:21 PM I can totally relate. I have 4 children and their father isn't involved at all so I'm wanting a man to be my husband and their father, but I think that even single parents where this isn't an issue are fooling themselves if they think they aren't looking for a parent on some level in their future spouse. If you're a single mom and the father is involved, odds are you have primary and the father has a few weekends a month meaning that whoever you marry is going to be the primary male influence in your child's life. If you're a man and you're on the other side of it with limited time with your child, you're still going to want to make sure that the woman in your life is a good role model and influence on your child. Step-parents have just as much influence on children as their parents and sometimes more so how they interact with our children is just as critical as how they interact with us and anyone who plans on marrying a single parent should have no illusions about their influence on that child. Parenting is more than just discipline; how we live our lives and the things we do on a daily basis are observed by our little ones and have a greater impact on their upbringing than anything else and they look not only to our actions, but to the actions of all those around them as well. Post Reply
Bridgit View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 10 Jul, 2010 11:14 AM In my case my kids are teens and soon to fly off the nest. So, no, I'm not looking for a father for them. In fact, I have waited on purpose for my kids to be older before considering being ready to open my life for a potential good soul to share the rest of my life with. Post Reply
benis777 View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 12 Jul, 2010 04:01 AM well i guess dating is somehow personal. it is nice to find the one who really likes you instead of someone who thinks of the child first. I think that when someone approaches you with the idea of caring for the child you lose that faith in yourself and truly wondering if the person comes out of love. in the other way the child does not need to experience this loneliness of single parenting and feel the discomfort to see others with both parents. As a new christian partner, that person would be lovely if he can combine the lover and the father role. filling in both gaps for the single mum and the single daughter and bringing the completeness of a family. Hope my thought can be useful. Cheers, benis777 Post Reply
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 16 Jul, 2010 02:17 PM Without prejudice against anyone, shouldn't the fact that these people run at the mention of "single parent" tell you all you need to know right there? I really wish I could think of a nicer way to put this, and even reading it, it seems abrasive and argumentative, and that's not what I'm trying to do at all. I'm not a single parent, and so all who are can feel justified in ignoring this post, and not that I support the people who run, but isn't it better to find that out in the beginning? Best of luck in your search! Post Reply
View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 17 Jul, 2010 04:07 PM It's called lying, SkinnyWhiteBoy. In any divorced person's defense. The person you married isn't always the person you'll get. People can turn into monsters if they're not under the fear of the Lord. Fear of God, and being able to be understanding of how sacred marriage is and how important family is is what usually makes people behave right. But when you have an unnatural situation where you have someone who is pretending to be Godly, says all the right things up until you realize you're married to someone who was lying about themselves, and pretending to be something they're not. And by then it is too late. Post Reply
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 21 Jul, 2010 06:58 PM Touche msMarvel. I did not think of that Post Reply
carmi View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 24 Jul, 2010 04:37 AM I was in the same situation as you were ten years ago, and I also waited until my children (now 33, 32, 20)were all grown up and financially independent before I even thought of joining dating sites, or "looking" for a partner in life again. Seaching for someone in life does not mean we are looking for someone to lean on (I still work) but the partnership/friendship and companionship we can both enjoy later in life. Marriage isn't all about sex or physical intimacy but a bond of love, affection, and care two people are willing to GIVE and to share. Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 30 Jul, 2010 10:27 AM I am one of those few men who has custody of his 3 children. I will share with you what my youngest said to me one night. B'den "Dad do you love my mom" (keep in mind he is four) Dad "why do you ask son" B'den "because I want you too" Dad "and why is that" B'den "so we can be a family" that little four year old pierced my heart, how can I deny him what he needs? Post Reply
View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 3 Aug, 2010 11:50 AM I already know that I am going to say some unpopular things in this, but I thought it such a great topic that I had to come over and open my yap... I am the father 5, yep, 5 and don't have full custody. But to pretend or think that the woman I will be with will not have an impact on their lives is not true. I have to consider not only my wants and needs, but theirs as well. And in the dating phase, yep, I can be a little rigid. Off-color comments about kids being this or that, well, ya just got your walking papers. It becomes a challenge because as a man, there are my manly wants and needs, but first and foremost, I am a man of God, a man, a father... I am all this and will not abdicate those responsibilities. Keeps a fella a little lonely, but that's just the way it is. On the other side, dating someone with children, well, though I am not their father, I still have an inherent responsibility to be, BE a proper role-model. No matter how wonderful their relationship with their natural father may be, I am still accountable to God and thus, I cannot merely walk into a relationship without prayerfully considering the full import. Therefore, women with children are given extra consideration; there are too many hearts and lives involved not to. But a blended family, to me, is not something to fear. Just my opinion. Post Reply
LovingAP View Profile History	Not looking for a parent for my child...yeah right Posted : 7 Aug, 2010 04:54 PM I so agree with you Bridgit.... My kids are almost out of the nest and I came to the conclusion when they were 10 & 8 that I needed to focus on them, raise them the best I could. What I did was put people around them that helped guide them in their spiritual quest. When I started to feel lonely I turned my eyes to God and He provided a new goal or activity that took my mind off. I got tired of men thinking I was trying to find a father for my kids. I wasn't. They have daddy's...what I needed was a positive role model. That was what I couldn't find.... Post Reply

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