Thread: Will bitterness and unforgiveness ever leave my oldest Daughter's heart towards me?
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Will bitterness and unforgiveness ever leave my oldest Daughter's heart towards me?
Posted : 28 Dec, 2013 03:56 PM
Well, it's been a hard Christmas without any communications with
my two grown daughters, who are 180 % degrees different from each other. I wonder how much longer and what will it take for my oldest daughter to realize she needs to forgive me what happened in the past. And allow herself to let go of her sister, who is a young adult (21). She doesn't respect me as her mother, like my youngest daughter does. Now, my youngest daughter has heard my request to forgive me, and she has. She is not holding anything against me. She loves to keep in touch with me.
But she is unable to do so, because her sister does everything she can to break all communications. Even as far as blocking my number on my youngest daughter's cell phone. She even uses a parental monitoring software and bugs her laptop that my youngest daughter uses for college.
I've raised them both in a Christian home as a single mother for their years of up bringing, by the Grace of God. Though I know they are 7 years apart from each other. But with them raised under the same roof with God's guidance, you think she would realize the importance of forgiving as I've had to do the same. The past incident(almost 5 years ago) involved mostly her sister. It wasn't until much later, that my oldest was put in an emergency situation that she had to step in. Which I was very grateful, because it would of turned out a lot worse than it did.
But I had no idea she would be so judge mental towards me to the point of moving out of state and having nothing to do with me.
So I guess it is totally up to the Lord to change her heart and forgive me. Maybe 5 years isn't long enough, I don't know. But, in the mean time, she doesn't realizing how this is effecting her sister in the process. My youngest daughter doesn't have the heart to stand up to her sister. Or should I say, boldness in the Lord, to do so. When I did contact her by email, I encouraged her to find a church to get involved in. But it sounds like she is waiting until she can actually move out on her own. But don't know when that will be. I'm praying it will be soon. But, it's still up to the Lord through my prayers for both of them.
Will bitterness and unforgiveness ever leave my oldest Daughter's heart towards me?
Posted : 3 Jan, 2014 03:26 AM
ccdiane,
Happy new year.
Sorry for what you are going through with your daughter.
Don't give up.Continue praying for her and asking the Lord to give her forgiveness so she can forgive you.Don't count the days or years,God will come at His own time.
Will bitterness and unforgiveness ever leave my oldest Daughter's heart towards me?
Posted : 31 May, 2016 08:16 AM
For those asking:
"Why am I depressed?"
This is the path you are on. (Based in part on lectures by Dr. Paul Meier of the Meier Clinics.)
1. Unmet Expectations- reasonable or unreasonable(false)?
2. Anger- over unmet expectations
3. Bitterness- due to unresolved anger
4. Mildly (acute) Depressed State- as a result of unresolved bitterness
5. Long Term (chronic) Depression- as a result of unresolved acute
depression
6. Chemical Imbalances - in the body, particularly the brain, a result of
depletion of the body's resources (and in particular, serotonin) over a
long period of depression.
If and when you are ready to answer the hard questions, you must ask, "What unmet expectations, reasonable or unreasonable, are at the root of my unresolved anger, bitterness, and depression?"
For instance: If I have an expectation that God will not lie to me, that is a reasonable expectation. If however, I have an expectation that I will be the richest, most beautiful, and smartest person, to ever walk the face of the earth; (not to mention the most humble); that is an unreasonable/false expectation. If I have an expectation that God will answer all of my prayers instantly, in the way I want them to be answered, that also is a false expectation. If I then become mad/angry because that false expectation is not met, then it is my unreasonableness that is giving rise to my own depression, because my thinking about what I am entitled to in life is way off base.
What is the source of your anger? Is it a selfish anger or a righteous anger? Let me add a couple more examples. God, why aren't my parents rich Christian parents who always worked hard and provided for my needs? Or, God, why did he/she reject me? Doesn't he/she know he/she is supposed to be mine/I am the catch of the millennium?
Have you confronted the person with whom you have an issue that has given rise to anger or bitterness in a constructive manner?
Maybe you are one of those that have some false expectation that you should be perfect, get angry that you are not, and when you see yourself fail, you usurp God's authority to determine who is worthy of forgiveness, and deny forgiveness to yourself. Maybe you think your spouse should be perfect, when you aren't. Maybe you, by your actions, tell God He got it wrong by deciding you and your spouse are worthy of forgiveness, and you refuse to forgive yourself and/or your spouse, even though God has forgiven both of you. Some very wise person asked me one time: "Who are you to not forgive yourself when God has forgiven you?" That is the ultimate in pride. Man did that one smart.
There are many many things about which we can get angry if we choose to spend all of our time being angry. In his book, Dr. Paul Meier said, "Happiness Is A Choice". But if anger is what you choose, don't turn it around and blame it on God, especially if you are simply reaping the results of your choices. Hard words for sure, but truth doesn't always come with a ribbon and a bow, complete with added feel good.
In addition, it is important to keep in mind, you really don't want life to be fair. Really? Why not?, you may ask. Because if you got what you deserved, and everyone else got what they deserved, we would ALL be in hell. But life is designed to give us far better than fair. It is designed to give us blessings much greater than what we have earned. So the next time you think you're getting cheated, and think someone else is getting off easy, think about how it would be if everyone got what they deserved. Truthfully, if the worst thing that happened to you today was to be disrespected by your spouse or your boss, or you suffered some financial setback, you are still getting much better than fair. You still didn't have to go to hell. So, do you really want to continue complaining to God about not being treated fairly? Or would you like to start being thankful for all the things better than fair you receive on a daily basis?
Let me add, this is all, if the shoe fits material.....However, if the shoe doesn't fit, don't give any of this a second thought, this isn't for you. If the shoe does fit, and you acknowledge the depravity of your own sin, it will be easier to forgive others and yourself. Matthew 18:21-23. Don't try to change the standard and say sin isn't sin. Don't say you made a "mistake" when you chose to sin. Call it what it is/was, a choice to sin. Simply confess your sin as sin, actually ask for forgiveness, and move on. Keep in mind, a proper confession involves admitting specific wrongs done, accepting full responsibility, asking the person to forgive you, saying and meaning you will not do it again, and asking the individual how you can make it right. Do not give an insincere promise, nor ask how to make it right if you are not going to follow through, nor expect to receive forgiveness if you are unwilling to forgive others or yourself. Matt. 6:14,15.
What if I need to make things right with someone, and don't know how?
A proper confession of sin and request for forgiveness involves at least these things.
1. Apologize for the harm you have done.
2. Express that you are sorry you sinned against God and harmed someone(s), not just sorry that you got caught. (Don't fake it. If you do, you will only make it worse.)
3. Ask the person you have wronged what you can to do make it right.
4. Ask the person, Will you please forgive me? (Saying sorry isn't good enough, nor is ordering someone to: "Please forgive me." )
5. Make it right with the person by doing as they ask, so long as what they ask is not immoral, and appropriate to the situation.
Keep in mind, that you will never be able to undo the damage done, but you should do all you can do minimize the damage and express sincere regret for the harm done. It will take time to earn back a person's trust, so don't be surprised if it takes them a while to believe you are sincere. � 2015
Will bitterness and unforgiveness ever leave my oldest Daughter's heart towards me?
Posted : 1 Jan, 2018 03:56 AM
Happy new year ladies
Situations like these need God's divine intervention. I encourage prayer and even fasting. Because there is a devil controlling your daughter. If you pray and nothing is changing then change your gear of praying into a higher one. Dont lose hope. With God all this a possible. I know God shall answer you miraculously and that devil will pack his loads and die in Jesus name.
