I want it to be known that this post is in no way an attempt to judge anyone or put anyone down, it is purely a question i often ask myself and would love to know an answer to.
I have noticed A lot of single Christian mothers on this website, and was wondering why this is.
A little about me, I believe that the bible teaches/encourages us to stay clear of "S" before marriage, and with this in mind am confused when there are so many single (not talking about divorced) young 'Christians' who also retain the title of 'single mother'.
That's all i wanted to ask, if you feel it is too personal to answer, then i respect that and your choice to move on to another topic, however if you would like to share your thoughts and or story, it would be really appreciated.
well, we have one thing in common for sure: we both wrote our posts late and when we were tired!
I really like what your wrote and I totally understand the whole 'step dad' aspect.
When I was 19 I met this woman who had a 9 week old child. The father was a deadbeat and left the mother for another woman. I loved that child like she was my own daughter.
Long story short the mother and I ended up not working after 3 years. The child still calls me daddy and my father is actually taking care of her because the mother had a child with another man and cannot afford to take care of all of her children.
Technically Sydney is not my child, but she needs a father figure in her life and she needs someone who she can look up to and respect so my family takes care of her. She will never live with me because it would be impossible for me to take care of her with my chosen profession.
What is ironic though is that I have found more woman that are non-Christians that are more understanding and willing to accept this fact than women who proclaim to be Christian. Also, woman that have children are less willing to engage in conversation because they are looking for a husband for their children and not looking to be a mother of someone else's child.
I was adopted from Guatemala and my two sisters were adopted from India. I was raised in a single parent house and my father adopted us while he was in a wheel chair so I have a much different perspective on what family is than most people. In my opinion we are all God's children and if you meet someone that you really connect with you should not be put of by the fact that they have a child. I do not consider having a child out of wedlock a mistake or unfortunate. I am of course not endorsing it, but one of the key attributes that makes us human is compassion.
We seem to be hitting all around what I think the real answer is, society's view on what a man should be.
As men, we are taught at a young age that we are expected to have sex with as many women as we can. All our friends are telling these stories, true or not, about the women they have had and we feel there is something wrong with us if we don;t do the same. This has now spread to women as well.
Once we become Christians, we change, but like anything else, change is a process. We stumble sometimes, and have to get back up and try again.
The truth is men in our society are very seldom responsible people, especially when young. You can't have a free sex society without men feeling they have to run from commitment. They feel it makes them less of a man to be with only one woman, not realizing that this very thing is what makes them a real man.
So, what I am saying is that it is the fault of men, but they are a product of American society. We have failed to teach our boys moral responsibility, so society ends up teaching them their values. And it will only get worse until we take the raising of our children back from the schools and Hollywood.
im a christian who is going to be a single mother.we r not perfect.we all make mistakes.i asked God to forgive me and He has.ill be having my child may10th.was it in Gods will for me to have a baby now?no.but God knows what hes doing.hes turning this situation around and making it a good one.before i got pregnant me and my mom didnt get along,but now we r best friends...we're like sisters.God brought us closer together.and the next time i have a child ill be married.
I am glad that you brought up this point because I had some concerns about what men might think of me being a single mother on a Christian dating website as well.
I think first, I will change my single mother status to divorced since that is an unclear choice of words.
And second I will say that I am divorced...and for seriously legitimate reasons. It took me three years to come to a place where I would agree to divorcing my ex-husband because I believed that once married there was no turning back no matter what. I stayed with my husband for years even though I was being mistreated until the day that a group of people at church read to me in scripture where it stated that if a spouse mistreated you in certain ways...habitually, then it is okay to divorce them and move on.
To be perfectly honest, I have wanted nothing but to have a good warm safe healthy marriage where there is kindness, honesty, and loyalty... for me and my children...and was nothing but loving loyal and kind to my spouse during my marriage...but it does take two to make a marriage work.
I never thought in a million years that "I" would end up a single divorced mother. I always KNEW that I would do whatever it takes to make a marriage work because I am by nature a very kind giving and loyal person...but living in the pain of a marriage where you are being mistreated and feeling hurt and betrayed is too much for any person to endure. I know that God wants happiness for his people.
I know that God wants his people to be loved and cared for, and especially by thier own family.
One great thing that did come of the pain that I experienced though divorce...is the fact that I would never again allow myself to be involved with a man that is not exactly where he needs to be spiritually NOW.
I think a lot of woman allow themselves to get involved with/settle for a man that is MOSTLY what they want/need...and assume that naturally a man will grow and change emotionally and spiritually over time...and become exactly what it is that they need and want in a man. And unfortunately, that is not always the case. So I have learned from my mistakes that I MUST find a man that is where/what I need him to be now...not someday.
And what I want and need is a man that is a STRONG MAN OF GOD...that is patient and kind and chooses to do the right things NO MATTER WHAT comes his way. A man that can lead his family, treat them with respect and kindness, and do what is best for everybody...not just himself.
A true Christian man.
Because the other thing I have learned is that unless a man is what you want and need to him to be...then how can you respect and love him the way he needs to be loved and respected...in order for him to return that love and respect to a woman....if you get what I mean:glow:
nothing wrong with being a single mom, nothing wrong at all. that just means you get the chance to bring in a new bundle of joy :D I respect you so much for having that kind of strength
I think that two guiding principles that serve us well when considering this or any other significant issue regarding the Christian walk are:
1. Our Lord has called us to the highest standards and will equip us daily to achieve them in every area of life, if we will but open our eyes, take His hand and follow the path He makes plain to us. This requires prayerful consideration and dedication, but it is His promise to each who know Him as Lord.
2. We are in a fallen world and have a sinful nature that will result in failure to realize these perfect standards. But He is faithful when we are not and He will make a way for us to have great things - the greatest - from this day forward if we will repent, seek His will and diligently strive to walk the path to which He leads us.
Is it less possible for a single mother to find the true bliss that is a God given, ordained and blessed life long marriage?
Of course not!
Is such a thing less likely for a single mother?
Perhaps.
But there again, we can only say this when we rely on secular, Godless standards of measurement.
Through our God and our God alone, all good things are possible. He is the source and goal of every true, undiluted good thing. Conversely, it is simply not possible to experience any truly good thing apart from Him.
When I see and hear words and deeds that demonstrate a true, dedicated, genuine faith in the one and only God of creation, I know that the man or woman exhibiting this beauty is certainly able to attain any level of greatness in any area of life imaginable.
God can bring such a person to otherwise unimaginable heights.
Divorce is an ugly thing, but God - the lover of our souls - has ordained it in certain situations and as such it would be a vile act of rebellion to somehow view or treat a legitimately divorced man or woman as somehow "second class", "tainted" or otherwise "less than" any other single Christian person seeking companionship in accordance with His perfect will.
Of course, all of thse thoughts are contingent on the fact of a genuine Christian foundation. Without a deep and growing relationship with the Lord and without submitting to His clear, revealed will, we are doomed to repeat mistakes, make new ones, damage lives and live out an unfulfilling, mediocre existence at best.
I am a single mother because i was young and dumb..
i was brought up tp abstain from sex until marrige, but i rebelled and thought i was "in love" and ended up getting pregnant but one thing i did do good was not get an abortion and was responsibile for my actions. while i was pregnant i recommitted my life to Jesus and turned over everything to God. I realized that being in love on my own terms would never work out, and doing it God's way would be the only way i would truly be in love.
my son was born with septo optic hypoplasia.. meaning he is blind, and for the longest time i thought it was God's way of punishing me for having sex before i got married. But a child is NEVER a mistake they are ALL a blessing from God.. the sin is not in the child but in the act of having sex before being married.
nobody is perfect... everybody sins.. but sometimes you just don't see everyone elses consequences in their sin's like you do in a woman who has sex before marriage and gets pergnant. all sin is the same to God. all sin leads to death. but good thing God forgives our sins as far as from the east is to the west.
some men aren't called by God to marry a woman with a child already.. but some are. maybe you just aren't.
If you thought about your question more in depth, you may feel silly. The reason you are asking this question really is because most churches today are heretical, and don�t even understand scripture. Do some background on Christianity, and see that God even showed his mercy on prostitutes, which by the way he considers you and I no better than without Christ living in us. Have you ever lied? So how can you be a Christian? Have you ever cheated, stole, hated, held pride, had racist thoughts, or trusted in your idols of money and glory rather than God, have you ever lusted? Yes, you have to most these if not all and God has still been merciful to you. Just because these sins don�t have the shock factor that fornication has, does not make them a better sin to God. In fact he can see horrible stains on you that you cannot. Your natural self is absolutely vile to Him and that is why he created hell, to destroy you and bind you with Satan (mans father as he calls it) and all of mankind. However, there is hope, there is freedom, God wanted to still show His mercy on some. He has CHOSEN some out of death, and then drawn them to Him irresistibly. He says nothing can take His elect (aka: chosen) out of His hand, nothing. Man does not choose God; man wants nothing to do with a Holy God until God breaks down the spiritual barrier between a man/woman and Himself. That is what scripture states over and over again very clearly. That is what has always been taught, until this heretical modern era. He owes mankind nothing. He owes mankind his wrath, He owes mankind destruction, but He has shown His mercy on some for His will and His purpose alone, not anything He sees special in us. It is not about us, it is about Him and His mercies. We have the privilege to now work in His Kingdom. Read Romans, Ephesians, Hebrews� Its all over Mathew, Mark, Luke, Acts
So to answer your question if you had sex before marriage and got pregnant, and then became saved afterwards, a woman would have again seen Gods mercy. Salvation does not depend on what sins you have done. Salvation is about God saving his elect from their wicked state to His eternal life. People will still sin in their saved state because our flesh in unregenerate, but because the Holy Spirit now lives in us (versus our wicked one) we can now see sin in everything and want to avoid it. Sins that were no big deal before have suddenly become depraved, and we avoid them because they make us sick for the most part. Even though all of mankind is completely wicked and vile, God has shown on us mercy and provided salvation through His Son�s horrible death on the cross. Jesus, sweet Jesus took the knife for us, He took our penalty, and He took what you deserved, what I deserved. You nailed Jesus to the cross too because of your sins. Don�t tell me you did not need His bloody death to spare you from your depraved state. Don�t tell Jesus His death was a good thing for others, but you really didn�t need Him to do that for you, you needed it too. You like all mankind was once led by Satan, and you have been shown a wonderful mercy.
Man truly wants nothing to do with God, until he personally draws you to Him irresistibly. That is scriptural. By the way there are a lot of single FATHERS on here to, so do you see your sin in your sexist thoughts?
Read John Piper, R.C. Sproul, there is an intellectual side to chrisitanity, and no I am not referring to the Joel Osteens of this world.
I agree with you. We are all projects under construction in His hands, and nobody must judge another person. I also agree that being a christian does not mean we cannot make mistakes. However I must disagree with you when you say that "we are all sinners, and will always be sinners", and your comments that "although we need to fall forward and not backwards, we still will fall". You make it sound like we will fall anyway, no matter what. We all should understand that a christian is not a sinner (if the bible is true, and it is). Sin is a nature, not the acts themselves. Of course when we fall we need to repent and ask for forgiveness, Anyone who has surrendered him or herself to the Lordship of Christ cannot be reffered to as a sinner, because the nature of sin has been taken out of him/her. I have heard many believers refer to themselves as sinners. It is simply not true, so I never talk or think of myself that way. I want to also say that I think we christians need to wake up and grow up. Many of the mistakes we make are so silly and totally unnecessary (I am sorry but it is true!) We ignore common sense, advice from others and from His word, then we fall and mess up, only to come back to Him to clean us up. I think we take God's love for granted too often, and it is not right.
I mean, why should a christian be toying with sin, involved in a relationship or any other activity that they know is not scripturally right?
Our sisters should be more discerning! Enough has been preached on these things, noone can claim ignorance. We have had enough christian sisters getting involved with men who are not born again, others should have learnt by now from these that it does not work! It is very painful to see some of our precious christian sisters fall for this lie, day after day.
Many of us have been born again for years, and we like to think of ourselves as matured christian people, so why can't we learn to learn from the mistakes of others and do what is right for ourselves?
Please don't take these comments personally, I am not a judge of anyone. Iron sharpeneth Iron. God bless us all.
