...as a single custodial dad that I may bring a woman into our lives that has no experience as a mother, ot limited experience. I wonder if anyone will share some wise advice or rescources, so that I too may become wise :)
As a single mother of two little boys (and basically raised by a single mother myself) I understand the need for balance in the home. Single parents are fragmented and can't help it as we have many responsibilities and joys to juggle.
The Lord's plan for a two parent home is perfect. All we can do(as single parents) is keep trying and keep praying. I have learned to reach out to others, accept help and give help to fellow single mom's I know.
I work with families with young children and it is true, not all woman are naturally maternal and not all mature, great providers are ready to be fathers.
I trust in the Lord and am certain that you will find that person that is responsive to your needs as well as those of your children and will love being a part of your lives.
I have seen both sides. For 10 years my children had an intact family. A very involved, loving and playful dad and a mom who were always there for them. I saw how my children thrived in that.
My children have not seen their father now in over 2 years. We went from a Cleaver-type family to a single mom with 5 kids overnight. I have seen the effects of that on my children.
There are obvious voids in their lives that I cannot fill. I am only one person and I am not a man. Children NEED a 2 parent family.
With that being said, we live in a world of sinful, fallen people and many children only have 1 parent for whatever reason. When I feel completely overwhelmed and wonder how on earth my children (especially my boys) can thrive in a single parent home, I am reminded of God's faithfulness. I have reminded myself many times these last 2 years that God loves my children even more than I do. If it were impossible for them to grow to happy, healthy, holy adults in a single parent home, then God would not have allowed this to happen.
To quote Rabbit32 "As a single family we are fragmented, and so how can we be fully capable of producing Godly children as good as a couple in a union?"
Though I have wept before God many nights asking that very same question I think, by faith, it is possible. I hate that my children are growing up in a single parent home. Hate it! I never imagined this would be our life. However, all God has called me to do is be obedient to His Word. If I do that, then I have done all I can do. The rest is in God's hands.
As to the original question, while most women naturally have a maternal instinct, not all do. I think simply seeing how she interacts with other children would give you a good idea of her abilities with yours. Is she involved with her nieces and nephews? Is she involved in any children's ministries at church? Does she ever babysit?
One more thought about women without children, is that they tend to be more self-centered. They are just not accustomed to putting aside their own preferences constantly. A woman who is accustomed to basically being free to do as she pleases may have a difficult time adjusting to the sudden demands of motherhood.
Not sure what I offer is "wisdom" but rather observations from others and learned the hard way personally ;)
One, if the person is the right person they are right, as well, if wrong then wrong. Two, if the person is "God breathed", you are golden, as well, if not God breathed (inspired), well it's not going to end so hot :p Three, know your own limits (for example I know I will end up with someone who has been married likely because those first years of marriage are such a hard learning curve, I'm not sure I could endure them with a person who hasn't been through that learning curve). Fourth, when all else fails, fall on your knees...... :)
You just reiterated my point about the "learning curve" of being married. Single people believe they "get it" (marriage) without having been there........yet they have no idea of that learning curve until they get there. Kind of like becoming parents. It's just something you have to do, to fully grasp. So I agree, a person who hasn't been married or had kids will not realize the level of sacrifice needed. Doesn't mean they won't rise to the occasion, but it's going to be a long learning curve process. I wonder how many of us could endure that long learning curve of self-sacrifice again? LOL
I can endure it more for someone who has never learned it than most single moms that have to relearn it. To be honst it hasnt been a good expererince dating single moms...(the ones Ive dated) its like they....are clueless and now jaded, and dont want to put the effort into transformation, that is nesesary to have a good relationship.
Yes, I can see how it would be true that many single moms would be jaded and unwilling to make the changes that must come for 2 families to unite. You would certainly be wise to walk away from a romantic relationship with such a woman. However, I wouldn't say that is necessarily true of all single moms.
Be patient my brother, if it be God's will that you remarry, He will bring her to you and she will not only be right for you, but for the children also. :-)
I decided not to take chances and to wait for my kids to be older.
It is so important for your children not to be affected by bringing home a new parent that has no experience with children.
I have taken the decision that if I remarry I will marry someone who is already a parent and loves his children and will love mine as if they were his own.
Take your time. There is no need to rush and then regret it. It is better to live in perfect harmony with your kids even if you feel lonely and miss all the good stuff that a relationship with the opposite sex brings. It's worth it, imo.
