Ok guys I need some advise cause I really am at a loss here.
Background...before I accepted Jesus I had a very sinful life. I was with a man who was emotionally abusive when I found out I was pregnant. He told me either I abort or lose him for good. I walked away and have the most amazing daughter for it. In fact I turned my life around because of her. Suddenly it wasn't about me me me..life was about showing her the right way.
I pay my own bills and take really good care of her..she lacks for nothing. Even though I haven't heard from her biological father since she was 6mnths old. Tbh I moved from his state to mine to be close to my family and so he couldn't just show up and disappear again.
Here is the hard part..she is four and wanting to know why everyone else has a daddy but her. She is also going up to strangers asking if they will be her daddy (can we say akward boys and girls?!) He didn't abandon her..he abandoned me. I just don't know how to address this.
I'm so sorry that you are having to struggle with this. My daughter's father died when she was 4. Her cognitive skills were not developed enough to really understand death. She would plead with me that if I let her go to heaven to visit Daddy, that she would promise to come straight home. Because of my great sense of loss, I didn't want her to hurt. The result is that I tended to over react. Her questions weren't as deep as my thoughts. Your daughter is going through a normal growing stage. I too, made sure that my daughter lacked for nothing...the least that I could do since she didn't have a dad. Do you relate? But, she was more like... every one in my class has a car, as house, a grandpa & grandma, etc. but she was the only one with out a dad. She wasn't the only one that didn't live with their dad, but she just didn't have one to "pull out of the closet" for special school occasions. She too, would ask men to be her daddy and give them cookies, candy, whatever... again, her cognitive skills didn't understand how it works. The good news is that she will get through this stage and as long as she believe that you love her beyond a shadow of a doubt, she will be fine. In the meantime, this is an issue that she will "revisit" periodically as her cognitive understanding develops and she has new enlightenment. The most important part, other than your love, is to make sure that she understands that the absence of a father is not her fault. My daughter never asked me the question, "Why doesn't anyone want to marry you and be your husband?" She asked, "Why doesn't anyone want to be my daddy?" When you try to answer questions, please try to remember that she has a fairytale, 4 year-old mind. My best resort was humor. If she was getting down, I'd concoct some crazy story about some guys jousting on the front lawn before she got home from pre-school. They were in the hospital and I told them not to come back because she was much too smart to pick any daddy as silly as them... Try to roll with it. Being a single mom is complicated and difficult. Don't transfer your stress, of dealing with life with one adult in the house, on to her.
Thank you for the advise. I came from a very disfunctional household growing up. My biological father floated in and out my life ...whenever he felt like and if it would look good on him. You are right that I am putting my childhood hurts as if they were hers. She is surrounded by love and like your daughter ..she only brings up the daddy thing on special occasions or when daycare or sunday school talks about daddies. God is good he provides. Sometimes I over analize things and try to do things my way and not his.
My husband died when I was still pregnant of my boy. He is in school now, he asks me all the time about his daddy, hard for me to explain about death to him, I said to him that his daddy was in pain, now no more pain because he is with Jesus. He prayed to Jesus almost everyday to let his daddy come home, because he wants to play with his daddy, when I said daddy cannot come home, he asks me why and why. It breaks my heart when he fee;s sad because miss his daddy, wants him to be home and play with him....I just pray everyday, God Himself will be his daddy, give comforts in his heart one day he will understand that God loves him and I love him.
I feel your pain! God has entrusted you with a monumental task. He will give you the strength to accomplish it.
Is there a possiblilty of getting your son into a program like "Big Brothers Big Sisters?" Do you have a relative or friend from church that would be willing to spend some special time with your son? Is your son involved in any activities like sports to where he could bond with a coach or leader? Is there a parent's without partners group that you could offer to spend time with a dad's daughter if he spent time with your son?
Pray, God is a father to the fatherless. (I know. I think I reminded Him daily.)
Write on this forum when you need support. It's here.
My daugthter is a little older, she's 7 yrs old, but I was surprised when she asked me about having a father. Her dad and i divorced when i found out i was expecting, we don't live in the same state, and e doesnt call to speak with r unless i call him on it.
She came home from school with a note about something they were having for fathers, grandpa or uncles, she's lacking in all three. Her thing is she knows am not seeing anyone but maybe I could c if they have anyone at church who have the time to come go with her to these things.
I explained it didnt work that way but God loves her so much that he is making a daddy just for her and it's taking a long time because he has to be just right. Have no idea if i said the right thing, maybe you ladies can help me out here :(
Exhausted I wish I could help you. I understand in this day and age there can't be a big brother little sister program. I sometimes get annoyed that there can be a big brother little brother program for boys that need a male role model. But none to help with girls that need one too.
Lately I have been talking more and more about things with the people from my sunday school class. There are some single fathers and mothers as well as just singles there. Everyone is really supportive.
Best I can offer is talk to people and do what you are doing. God answers prayers in his timing not ours. Otherwise none of us would be going thru this
Thanks for your encouragement it is nice to have someone who knows what I feel.
I thank God everyday that He is my God, He is the One who always comfort me all the time. He is also a father to the fatherless
I dont really know the program "Big Brothers Big Sisters" or any other program like that. I just let him call his uncle or a friend when he wants to talk.
If you are interested in pursuing organizational options for your son, depending on the size of your town, you can probably call the Chamber of Commerce office or United Way office for information on which Youth Services organizations there are in your area. Also, if there is a YMCA in your area, a lot of them give "scholarships" to children if they can't afford to participate in their programs. One of the most important lessons I learned as a single mom is that giving up isn't an option. I pray that God clears your path and gives you favor.
My daughter had an AWANA leader take her under his wing when she was in 3rd grade. She just graduated and next weekend is going on a fossil expedition with this leader and his wife. As Brandy implied, sometimes we have to swallow our pride and let our needs be know for the sake of our children.
Well....i have two wonderful, loving boys, who, even though their dad technically lived at home until Feb 10, had NO relationship with him.....he never was home, and even if he was, he was a wall, and ignored them and me....my response is "we are praying for daddy, that he learns how to play and learns how to love.
