Some years ago I was at a camp and a guy walks up to me and places his hand on my shoulder, and claims that no woman will ever love or like me. Then telling me he has cursed me. At the time I brushed it off thinking he was talking crazy. How could this be true. God is greater than anything. He protects us from evil. After several years I struggle with being single and not having someone to help me and love me for who I am. I never really thought of what that guy said until a little over a year ago, and I believe that Jesus is greater than any curse someone may proclaim. But I do wonder. Often women seem uncomfortable with me.
I do not feel I am bad or the worst guy there is. Many times I struggled with how to communicate with some women. In some cases I would try too hard. I would try to do nice things for a young lady, and I would try to impress her. I would also try to talk to her, but many times I seem to get too close physically and making her uneasy. Then there are those times when I don't try very hard, cause I don't want to scare anyone off. I never seem to be able to balance how to communicate with some women.
Often I would see others getting in relationships and getting married, wondering when will I find her. At times I think there is no-one for me. I feel as if I don't get a chance, because of my limitations. I am blind and deaf, as well not being able to go to places by driving. It appears that I would be too dependent on others for help. Women seem to be afraid of my limitations. I am not a guy that most women would look at and be awed at. I am no Mr. Darcey. Also, I had a young lady tell me I was too short. It is hard to hear things like "Ignore him, that's what we do."
Often I hear that I should be content with being single. Thus. I get the "content speech." Many times it somes from those who have what you desire. They comment without putting themselves in my shoes. I know we all experienced loneliness, and I am not the only one who struggles with not having that special someone. It is foolish to think that I am the only one that has a hard time being content. I do give it to Jesus, but is os a hard thing to do when you have little or no success. I wasted money on a dating site and got no where. I feel that my chances are slim for me to have that helper. I used to hear that God had someone for me. Funny when you get older you don't hear that anymore.
There are those who think I will never get married. My family seems to think that and people have said that no one could never love me. At times I doubt, but I do believe that God has someone for me. nut He will strengthen me. I know we are not truly alone when we have Jesus. However, I have a hard time being content because there is that part of me that want to prove people wrong. Only God know the the future. I do place my desire for a mate. As it is hard to see others around you getting married I have to trust in God, for He will provide. But that begs one question.
How I cursed? It is easy to dismiss this question as crazy talk. I know I have a tendency to over analyze and think. There are things that can be hidden in our mind and heard that can keep us from certain blessings. There is nothing that can go against the power of Jesus. I am only asking this quest to ask for prayer and to put this to rest once and for all. Also, I wanted to get it off my chest because this has been eating at me for about two years.
Thanks for reading and praying
1/28/11
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12, NASB95)
If it's any help; lots of guys (and gals) are in the same situation, but without ever being cursed as such. I think the real reason is that we are a product of our society to a greater or lesser extent and society's attitudes and aspirations have changed so much in the last century. If you visit a non-Christian dating site, you'll find exactly the same frustration and problems amongst non-believers too.
Now regarding the curse business, I *do* believe that curses are real and have effect which is why we are taught that it's better to bless than curse. Having said that, if you know you belong to Jesus then nobody else in heaven, earth or hell has claim to you because the price was paid in full by His blood, and *you* have the authority as His redeemed to break that (and any other) curse over you. As the other person spoke a curse over you, you must now declare to yourself and Satan that you are free from those curses which held you, by the authority of Jesus Christ, Sovereign Lord who is seated at the right hand of the Father.
There's a part in Isaiah which Jesus quotes; I don't remember it exactly but it goes roughly like "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me because He has anointed me to preach good news, freedom to the captive, sight to the blind and the year of the Lord". You arer His alone, don't let anyone deceive you into thinking you're not free!
Hi. You are not alone in such struggle although it seems so. Even a person like Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson had experience great pain inside to the point of having a pain reliever and anti depressant addictions. With Ms. Taylor, 30 yrs. This is regardless of a person status. Healthy being or with dissability. For you, reaching out is hurting more because of the negative people reactions towards you. While wealthy people used their money or popularity to draw people to them.
In my old life, I had the same struggle too. However, after reading Stillness Speaks and New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox, Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life by Wayne Dayer, it tremendously changed my life.
Your problem is ego. The cause of loneliness, emptiness, depression, dissatisfaction, inferiority complex and all the negative emotions in you.
According to these authors in which I believe is true, peace and happiness is within us. You will never find it elsewhere even when you find a woman who loves you truly. Because loving you by someone is not the answer. You can only be happy or miserable unless you learn how to deal with your ego. The one mentioned by Christ, "If you want to follow me, deny YOURSELF and follow me." He means, deny your ego.
I recommend you read A New Earth or Sermon on the Mount first.
I still have plenty of books to recommend to you after reading those. I pray you have peace right now. God bless you.
You can be alone and not lonely or surrounded by people and lonely. It's all internal. I think it's a symptom of insecurity. Jesus has solved that for me recently and I hope He does the same for you in this too. Seek that first.
