Author	Thread: Misconceptions of Niceness
Admin	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 8 Aug, 2010 12:33 AM I know niceness gets a bad wrap because it is percieved as weak, however now I'm starting to think that the people that percieve it as weak are weak people to begin with that don't know how to be nice to anybody, least of all themselves. I think the truth is nice is no more strong than it is weak, it just depends on the person. Those people that say women don't want nice guys are just weak guys that still don't have a clue and don't understand the difference between kindness with weakness. Post Reply
View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 8 Aug, 2010 10:27 AM Women get addicted to pushy guys because they come across as confident and then they get afraid of being lonely. They get caught in the trap that it cannot get any better than what they have. So they put up with those types of guys. Nice guys also get pushed out of the way and we think someone else will come anyway and hope that the other girl is happier where she is. There has to be a balance between confident and kind. Post Reply
View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 9 Aug, 2010 05:48 AM I hear ya there, it always seems that being nice, makes you regulated to being safe. The problem with this and alot of late teen, tweenties-late tweenties women is that they are still in that trap of likeing whomever does what immeadiatly feels good :/ They dont realize that the guys who are taking it slowly but are being respectful are prolly gonna be the best thing they have had a chance at in a while. There is also the misconception that if they do not see anything wrong that they assume something is being hidden, which sucks for those of us willing to just let people know how it is and be honest. If someone knows how to get the good points across to the women we choose to love, please let me know, cause I am drawing a blank right now. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 9 Aug, 2010 08:50 AM The problem with being a "nice guy" is that too often it's just as manipulative, if not more manipulative, than the jerks are being. Doing all that "nice" stuff to get a girl to like them, pretending they only want to be friends in the hopes that the girl will fall in love with them, etc. is just not right because it's manipulative. The problem though, is that we think there are only two options. You either have to be a nice guy or a jerk. No woman lays in bed at night dreaming about either one though. Jerks get a lot of that stuff right almost accidentally. Girls date them and get frustrated because despite making her feel all these things, he doesn't really have anything else to offer. On the other extreme, nice guys may have more to offer, but they wouldn't have the first clue about being a man or what makes a girl's heart pitter-patter. Expecting a woman to make a head choice when there is no heart feeling there is unfair to the woman, especially if your sales pitch is essentially, "I'll be a doormat for you." No one respects a doormat. A real man takes the best qualities of both and brings them together. A strong woman of God needs a strong man of God. She needs a man who can lead her confidently in her walk with Christ and through the trials of life. Nice guys aren't courageous or leaders. Instead, they are fearful. She needs a man who will reject passivity. "Nice guy" is practically synonymous with passivity. She needs a man who can accept responsibility. Nice guys are too passive to do that. She also needs a man who can look past the short term and seek the greater reward. What does this look like practically? Let's say you're going to grab lunch with a girl. Instead of being passive and saying, "Let's go wherever you want to go," you should say, "I'm feeling like either Barbaritos or Zaxby's. Which one would you like better?" If she picks one, then you're going someplace you both will enjoy. If she can't decide between the two, then you just pick one and go. She probably doesn't care about the specific restaurant anyways as long as she's spending time with you and your confident, funny self. When you have all that stuff in place, you can do nice things for girls and treat them well without coming off as manipulative. You hold the door for her because you hold the door for people, not because you are trying to get her to like you because you held the door for her. When you give a girl a compliment, it means a lot more because you didn't shower her with them from the second you first met in an attempt to get her to like you because you complimented everything about her. When you spend money on her, it comes off as authentic because you didn't constantly throw cash her way in an attempt to convince her to like you based on what you bought her. So is doing nice things for women inherently wrong? Not at all. It can be if you do them for the wrong reasons though. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 9 Aug, 2010 09:10 AM I think what women are attracted to is men that stand up for themselves...but...when you translate that into a person with a selfish character you usually end up with "ASSertive" butt-hole. However, when you mix that with the Christ-like character we're supposed to have, you end up with a person that is not affected by circumstances/trials/offenses/other peoples opinions. A person that can weather life's storms with a nice, calm, even-tempered unchanging attitude, but still is able to rise up when duty calls. Nobody can respect a person who lets themselves get pushed around, but that's what Jesus did. So whats the difference? Jesus was a rock. Everything just bounced off. The only thing that affected Jesus's character and steadfastness was His love for others. So, there's a fine line between standing up for yourself and being a butt-hole. Be merciful, humble, and loving, and I think we'll stay on the right side of the line. :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 10 Aug, 2010 12:33 AM I think where people go wrong with niceness is that they are nicer to other people than they are themselves. Maybe you've heard of this exercise (I recently read about it and it's where I came up with this topic to begin with) where you take a picture of yourself from when you were younger and ask if they had to do the things you make yourself do, or tell them the same things you tell yourself, then how would you treat them? At some point they realize "I'm not being nice to me, she's not being nice to me" and they just go off on a perpetual cycle of hatred for themselves and her. However, the thing is everybody needs niceness, but you can't always count on other people to be there to give it. Choose to be nice to yourself. If you don't, no one else will. By choosing to be nice to yourself you will make it easier for other people to be nicer to themselves by not being so much of a liability, being some one they can trust and respect, and one that is strong enough to do nice things for her occasionally without expecting anything in return. She will find it easier to appreciate and enjoy the nice without the pressure of having to worry if you expect something in return and and that you will melt down if you don't get it. It's still ok to be nice. Post Reply
View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 11 Aug, 2010 04:53 PM Thanx Tulip that info is very good and really sheds some light on the subject Post Reply
nehwdogsyas View Profile History	Misconceptions of Niceness Posted : 24 Oct, 2010 09:21 PM Tulip you are on a roll with your forum responses. Again, another well written and thought-out response. Post Reply