I would like to address some thoughts on compatibility.
It is important that when two people are planning to start a relationship that there are common interests, goals, and willingness to have it work out.
Common Interests:
- That you both believe in God
- That you enjoy similar things
- That you both have the same thoughts about smoking, drinking, drugs, cussing, etc.
Goals:
- To marry someone who loves God
- To marry someone who will treat you right
- To marry someone who wants to raise a family
Willingness to have it work out:
- Every relationship requires both people to respect each other and their beliefs
- There are factors that could keep two people apart such as Beliefs, Distance, closeness to God
- But, as far as closeness to God, people can change for the better
- They might be the right person for you, but require a little time for change
- Encourage them, give them the chance, and you may be surprised at what accepting God into their heart can do to a person
-They may be exactly who you are looking for, you just need to give them a chance to change for the better
I respect people and their beliefs, I believe that distance is only a factor and that it can be overcome, and I believe that allowing someone the chance to change is up to you, but you might appreciate the changed person, and they might be right for you.
I think that compatibility is something that many long for but few understand. Compatibility has less to do with what you do than with who you are... though it also has a lot to do with direction.
Think of train tracks: they have to be heading exactly the same direction in order for a train to be able to ride the rails without falling off. If the train represents the relationship, the rails would each represent a person's direction. If the two people aren't headed the same place, the train is derailed.
That direction could be a number of things; goals, aspirations, convictions, priorities, etc. The most important one is that the two people be on the same page about God, specifically how much they are pursuing God in their own personal lives. Without that fundamental direction agreement, I don't believe a relationship can be all that God created for men and women to share. Lifelong relationships are forged by compatibility of this kind, where the members of the team have the same goals and the same priorities.
Not that compatibility has to oppressive; you don't want a clone. But I think it's important to have someone who has a similar way of thinking, direction, and intentionality in life. Beyond the basic levels of being on the same page that you mentioned, there is something to be said for career and aspirations. It's just not smart for someone who is called to minister overseas as a full-time missionary to marry someone who is called to a career of some kind in the States. Not that it cannot be worked out, but the closer a marriage team can be in thought and heart the stronger a relationship can be.
Compatibility is who you are, not what you do. It's how you think, how you handle things, how you view the world. If those things all check out, then make sure the direction is the same.
Again, directionality is often overlooked. Where you're headed is where you'll end up. Read that again: WHERE YOU'RE HEADED IS WHERE YOU'LL END UP. So if two people are headed in different directions... they will end up in different places. As in, not together. As in, not "together."
I think your Bible, and denomination are the most important things to share with your significant other, as those two things are like the roots to the whole group of tree branches that are your beliefs. If you have the roots nearly the same, most of the branches should be as well.
