Author	Thread: Over-bearing Parents
Admin	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 2 Dec, 2011 11:40 AM Thank you to all who have taken time to read my cries for help! I am in desperate need of advice! After High School, I wanted to attend a University. I had Straght A's, plenty of activities, someone was bound to accept me. But I didn't even apply to any of the Universities I had been looking at, because my parents convinced me to go to the Community College near our home. I was born and raised in BumpAss, Virginia in the same house too. I am extremely unhappy! I feel so stuck. I want to go out and see God's beautiful creation! I will graduate from my Community College in December 2012, but that's not close enough. I can't stand another year here, I have no freedom. This isn't the first time they've convinced me to do something I didn't want to. Everytime I listen to them, I end up unhappy. I did what I wanted once in my entire life and it turned out perfectly. I'm still not sure what I want, but I've thrown some ideas out to them and they threatened to cut me off. I have no job, no money. I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy. I keep praying to God but I haven't heard an answer yet. I just want to get away. Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 2 Dec, 2011 01:56 PM Whilst you live with them it's difficult to go against their wishes, so I'd concentrate on getting your own accommodation first - once you're there you'll find you have much more freedom simply because they won't be around so much! My relationship with my dad has improved no end since I moved out; we had actually come to blows before when I lived there... Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 3 Dec, 2011 07:21 PM One way or another, this too shall pass. In the meantime, however: Have you tried telling them how you feel and talking it out with them? It might be tough, but if not then you should try as calmly and honestly as you can telling them something. You're both in it together, and it sounds like they want what's best for you, so don't make them the bad guys when you do either. You might be surprised. Also keep in mind they're just as human as you are, but older and more experienced. And they didn't get to pick you either, and God knows you aren't perfect either. So I just say try to talk it out instead of holding on to your feelings of frustration for another year or so. Good luck. Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 4 Dec, 2011 03:05 PM I did talk to them about how I felt, that's when they threatened to cut me off. I never made them seem like the bad guys when I talked to them. I told them I was unhappy and some directions I think might make me happy. They got really angry and it started an argument. My mother told me she wished she never would've had me. Everyone always thinks its the kids fault. The kid must've disrespecting the parents or been ungrateful to start the argument. I have been their perfect little princess all my life. I do everything they ask of me. I'm so tired of people autimatically assuming I did something, like make them the bad guys. It is so hard to believe that parents are capable of starting arguments, direspecting their kids, and saying mean things to them? Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 4 Dec, 2011 05:43 PM Whose fault is it that you are unhappy, went to community college, and don't have a job/$? Who chose those things for you? If you say anyone other than you that's the wrong answer and it's time for you to grow up and be responsible for your life and the decisions you make and quit blaming other people for your problems and unhappiness. You could've chose to apply to college, you could get a job, find another relative or friend to live with, or throw a dart at a map then hop on a grayhound and go there. You're where you're at because of your own volition. Yes I ripped that last sentence from Clerks 1. Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 4 Dec, 2011 05:59 PM If it's looking like they are going to kick you out or you just absolutely can't live with them, then start making plans now to have a place to go if that happens. If you want to go to college asap, get you paperwork together and start working with and talking to an administrator. If you want money, get a job, no matter how krappy it is and save up. Also please understand I'm not trying to be mean or attack you in either of the comments I made, I'm just trying to help so please think about and consider what I say. Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 4 Dec, 2011 07:59 PM My suggestions honestly, follow in suite, somewhat to Ionlydatecheerleaders here. But rather than try to just move out and solve everything that way, just try to get a part time job for the time being and save, save, save. Aside from getting out of the house and away from the 'rents, but the money you put away gives you a pocket to draw from when you want to move out and when you finally do get your new place all situated- when you're looking for a job for that first few weeks. With regards to college, if you're a straight-A's kid with that impeccable GPA- look into scholarships and see what you qualify for. When you finally pick a college you'd like to go to, get financial aid and apply like crazy to any and every scholarship you qualify for! You may not like taking out student loans, but to help pay for college(and rent!) it's a necessary evil. Most people nowadays actually graduate with about 24k in loans, whether their parents helped them pay for college or not. Also, try getting involved with groups on the local community college campus that you find interesting. Being engaged with others in things you like to do will make you happy as it will relieve stress and strengthen you socially. In short, start making a plan for yourself. Look into rent in the areas around the college you want to get away to. Fill out a FAFSA and get some financial aid and scholarships underway. It will do you a load of good, but it won't always be easy :) Post Reply
Gourd00 View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 5 Dec, 2011 03:06 PM Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. A lot of people don't realize that not all parents are the best of parents. But anyway, perhaps if you're lucky you could get a part-time job long enough for you to be able to go on vacation. Maybe try to find some hobby/student groups at your community college so you can spend more time with them and more time away from home. You could also perhaps talk to relatives about possibly moving in with them, or perhaps even friends you know, if they have families that really like you. If you can avoid student loan debt though, it's always a benefit. There is no guarantee you will get a good job once you get a college degree, and if you don't, the interest on the loan just keeps racking up and giving you more debt. Best wishes to ya though. The only other thing I can think of is to find a way to get your parents thinking that the ideas you wanted to do were their own ideas, and then they might think they were brilliant. Post Reply
Gourd00 View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 5 Dec, 2011 03:14 PM You might also look into maybe temporary missionary work, or perhaps a Peace Corp position. I don't know much about Peace Corp, but it seems they help people in other countries. It might be enough to get you away from home, though the living conditions while helping 3rd world people might be rough. Just a thought. Post Reply
Vivere View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 6 Dec, 2011 07:04 AM Are your parents paying for your college? That's very admirable of them if they are. They're doing you a huge favor. Really. That's really sad that your mom said she wished she never had you. I bet she didn't mean it but probably said it during an argument, where both parties are throwing accusations, and in hindsight she probably regrets it. I'm sure they love you. And no matter how difficult this time is in your life, it will pass. Just hold on. It's amazing what we can endure, once we realize that its temporary. I would seek pastoral counseling from a local church too. Taking about these things with a physical presence can solve alot of a problem without even solving it. Because as humans we need someone to understand us. Keep holding onto your faith. And trust that things will get better. Post Reply
View Profile History	Over-bearing Parents Posted : 9 Dec, 2011 08:40 AM I had a very similar experience when I turned into an adult. I feel for you, I do. You are going through a rough time right now, and this is a Christian site. As fellow Christians, we need to be supportive and not critisize! You don't know what other people have to go through until you've walked in their shoes. I have worn your shoes before. My parents were also very controlling. There is nothing wrong with you making certain decisions because you were trying to be a good daughter. I did everything my parents wanted for a long time and was also unhappy. You should be proud of yourself for having the guts to tell them you were unhappy. I didn't, I pretended everything was fine. They paid for my education and I got a law degree. Then I secretly went behind their backs and earned a agriculture degree. I worked for a law firm until I earned enough money to buy a farm. When I told my parents what I had done, they also cut me off. My parents and I havn't spoken in since then. I am loving my life though! I couldn't stand sitting in an office or in a court room all day. Outdoors is were I belong. I'm making a third of what I was, but I'm happy! I hate to tell you this, but I want to warn you. If you do what you want, your parents may not speak to you for a while. Even though I love my parents and miss them, going behind their backs was the best thing I ever did. I wish I would've done it sooner. "Honor your mother and father" is a good commandment, but I really feel like God wanted me to do this. So many things went wrong for me while I was at the firm. But everything in my life has gone so well lately. I have had so many, what I consider, signs from God that this is where I'm supposed to be in my life. Don't wait to start a happy life at 30 like I did. You need to do what you want to do, God will lead you to your path he has made for you. You should try to acquire some money first, but after you do, just run away and see where the Lord takes you. That's what I did, and I am loving life now. Trust in him and he will lead you where he wants, and where he knows you'll be happy. It's not your fault that you're unhappy! You're just stuck in a sticky situation which I am confident the Lord will help you out off! My prayers are with you. I wish you the best! You are so young, make the life ahead of you a good one! Post Reply

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