I don't know where to start or exactly what to say. I'm going through so much in life right now. I'm going through a lot of really difficult things in life right now and I don't know what to do. I need a lot of prayer. Some of the things I'm going through I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about yet, even though they are amazing Christians. I'm currently not going to church because I don't know of any around my area.
One of the major things that is going on in my life is loneliness and a lack of self esteem. I'm currently in a relationship with a unbeliever. I know that it isn't right, but it is what it is. He had been the best boyfriend until recently. When I wasn't as important to him. He barely ever talks to me anymore, and rarely calls me back. On my behalf I'm showing all the love I can. I've always been one to love with my whole heart. But I don't even know what he is feeling right now. I'm so in love with him and he proved he was in love with me, but the past couple of weeks he has been acting differently.
I feel as if I'm too good for bad guys (as it should be), but I also feel as if I'm too bad for good guys. In my past the Christian guys I have dated have actually treated me worse then the other guys I have dated. Everyone just wants to play games it seems like. I feel as if there is absolutely no one who can love me the way I deserve to be loved. I have so much to offer. I'm not perfect, but I'm human. I don't even have to try to love, love just pours out of my heart. I'm a very emotional person, and I'm very emotionally weak. It is very easy for me to cry. I'm really sad right now and depressed. All I want is to be able to have a real relationship that isn't based on the superficiality of this world, but based on God, Love, and Devotion. That is becoming increasingly harder and harder to find. I literally feel like I always attract the wrong men, and I don't know why or how. I also feel like the types of men that I would need in my life aren't attracted to me. It seems as if everyone wants to lie and play games. It seems like most people think that love is a game. I'm so through with games. I'm just looking for something real. I also have body dismorphic disorder. Which basically means I always feel like I'm never good enough or attractive enough for anyone. Even though people always tell me I'm beautiful. I feel beautiful because I'm Gods child, but I wish I could feel good about myself all the time. I wish someone could guarantee me that there is someone out there that was made for me and is right for me and will never deceive me and always treat me right. I wish so many things.
Everytime I get lied to or someone plays games with my heart I always think that somehow it's my fault. That somehow I deserve to get treated like that. I've went through a lot of emotional abuse in my past, so that explains why I feel like that.
I'm a very strong person and I know with God on my side everything is going to be alright. He always looks after me and loves me in all situations.
I wish that I could talk face to face with God though, and he could reassure me. I feel like a child that needs reassurance right now.
So basically I'm sad, confused, depressed, and many other things right now. I'm not sure if all of this made sense at all. I just know I need prayer and spiritual guidance. I appreciate all of you that read this and pray for me and give me advice.
I know exactly what you are going through. Well probably not exactly but I too deal with not feeling attractive even though some have told me I'm a good looking guy. I also suffer from low self-esteem and I am often depressed. While I haven't been in bad relationships, I have not ever been in a relationship. So I know how that loneliness feeling feels. Lately I have just come to lean on God and its amazing how less frequent those negative feelings come to visit. I will pray for you and lift you up to God!! A saying I think of is "when you lift up God's name, He'll lift you up!" Praise God for His goodness, mercy, and love!!! Hang in there!
Why so in a hurry to get married? You' re so young, 24 right? The bible says enjoy your youth. How can you enjoy youth if you get married so early. When you get married, dont think your life is yours alone . no, it is owned by your husband too.You cannot do what you want as free as you can just like when you are still single for you have always to consult your husband for you will become one. Are you ready to always submit to your husband to be? There is no perfect husband. You have to love your husband as he is, for you will only realized and know your husband well when you are in one roof already right ? Do not expect too much from him so that you wont get disappointed . Everyone has his own weaknesses and strengths and you must be ready to discover your husband's weaknesses too when you are already married.
Married is not a bed of roses only , remember roses has also thorns . If you are ready to sacrifice and ready to look and discover the weaknesses of your husband to be and can accept all his weaknesses and focus only on his strength for you to always appreciate him then you are ready to get married then . Do not worry Seeking, I will pray for your . Just always put Jesus first in your for IF WE HAVE CHRIST WE HAVE EVERYTHING.
