| Author | Thread: Please pray for my relationship with GOD |
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Please pray for my relationship with GODPosted : 14 Mar, 2012 12:04 AMPlease pray for my relationship with GOD. My relationship with GOD feels stuck and here's why. There are many reasons for this and so these are not in any specific order and they do kinda meld with each other at least I think so. Umm first off is the battle I have with my emotions. Sometimes I do feel emotional but don't share what I'm feeling cause I was told over and over numourous times to never show how I feel. That others don't need to know how I feel and its non of their buisness. And that others don't care how I feel. That was drilled into me throughout my childhood. So that's one reason cause I hear all those negative tapes when I start getting emotional in public. Another reason I don't show emotion is I simply don't feel anything. There are things that I just have no emotion for whatsoever that other people get emotional over. I have no emotion at all for scenery,music and poetry. Non nothing. There nice and I like them but that's as far as it goes. I would like to feel emotions for those things but I just don't. Makes me feel like I'm part robot. Also some Christians say they feel GOD's presence with them. This is happened at CR sometimes and someone will say "the Holy Spirit is here." That sentence alone makes no sense to me cause He's everywhere. So of course He's here. I don't feel a presence. I have felt GOD's love for me twice. But that's it. Makes me feel like I'm disconnected somehow. Also I have to be so careful studying theology or studying the Bible cause to much studying can make me a robot. I turn into a pharasee and ya I can give a list of facts and memorize facts but Christianity is more then facts its a relationship with GOD.I do know stuff about GOD but I wonder if I really know GOD... Another reason why I feel stuck is I also dunno yet how GOD talks to me I mean ya I got that promise in my devotionals but that isn't something that happens everyday. A Christian friend of mine said that GOD is always speaking. So that leads me to thinking GOD is always speaking to me daily but I dunno yet how He talks to me and I dunno how to figure that out and make sure its Him. So ya I do pray but its frustrating cause I dunno how He answers. So prayer has become frustration for me. And I know that relationships thrive on communication. If there is no communication there is no relationship... Another reason is I can't physically literally see Him. I do better talkin to people I can see due to my autism. Can't make eye contact with Jesus... I know stuff about GOD but I'm not totally sure I know GOD. I mean I know GOD is everywhere, all-powerful And I think of that verse of that said that people called Jesus Lord Lord but He said to them He never knew them and called them evil doers. I sometimes wonder if thats gonna be me cause right now I just wonder if I really have a relationship with GOD. I dunno if I'm even allowed to question that but I admit it I have doubts as to weather or not I really have a relationship with Him. Yes I know I pray, I read the Bible, I go to Church, I go to CR and I go to Bible study but do I really have a relationship with GOD or do I just do these things cause I think I should?? And I question that constintly. Yes I know this needs to be covered in prayer and I should be praying for it among other things. For me to remember all this I would have to memorize it in a certain order and then be saying it for rote everyday and thats not communication thats parroting and memorization. But I can't remember it all unless I do that. So frustrating! And I still really dunno what my role,part and responsibility is in my relationship with GOD. Ya I should by now but I don't. Cause I know GOD really does most of it but I must have a part cause I know a relationship takes two not one. So the relationship feels really stuck to me and I dunno what to do but I know that I need prayer and help so please pray for me. |
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Please pray for my relationship with GODPosted : 29 Mar, 2012 06:36 AMJenny, |
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