Was listen to Christian radio yesterday. The guest on the show was the writer of the book "Hedges", and the topic of the show was how Christian men should act toward woman who are not their wives or family members.
The author of the book seem to think that it was not a good idea, somehow wrong, and should be avoided if at all possible, such things as: eating lunch with female co-workers, sitting on same row in airplane, or even sharing car or giving ride/carpooling with female co-workers. It was almost suggested that a married Christian man should be formal and cold, to all but his wife and family members!
This didn't seem very practical to me! I've had lunch with, and even drank beer with, male co-workers, with nothing "un-toward" happening. I 've had many jobs, when I was younger, where I would share rides with male co-workers, and think nothing about it. I had a WORK relationship with these men, a friendship , and nothing more!!
After all, you live in the REAL world! If a man was so sexualy orented that he had to but up these Hedges, as the book called it, wouldn't he be the type of man who would trouble ANYWHERE, ANYWAY? Input---?
Is it WRONG to share a ride? No. Is it a SIN to have a beer after work with a coworker of the other gender? No. Would it be rather legalistic to implement such rules? Yes.
That being said. I would avoid sharing rides with one other person of the opposite gener on a regular basis if I was married. I would avoid having a drink after work without my spouse there.
I think it is more about respect and avoiding tempation or the appearance of wrong doing. Would I like it if my wife was out at happy hour with a male coworker? No. So I would give the courtesy to my wife of not doing the same.
Also affairs don't just happen over night. Two people do not just met and decide to have an affair in the first 30 seconds of meeting. I could see where sharing a ride to work every day or meeting for drinks once a week after work could allow for feelings to develop. Then one day something happens.
Again, I don't think any of those things initially mentioned are wrong, I just think it can cause jealousy or flirt with danger.
In a marriage or serious relationship, I think it is a nice gesture to call and let the other know if you happen to be in a 1:1 situation with another person, for example, you bump into them at a coffee shop and they sit down to chat. Its not necessary, but it sure builds trust.
I think Christians ought to protect their reputation at all times.
Proverbs 22:1 A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches...
Ecclesiastes 7:1 A good name is better than precious ointment�
You would be amazed at how often people are falsely accused and how traumatic those false accusations can be and the damage that can be done to a family. As a Christian man my testimony is all I have. It would be hard to effectively serve God if those I try to help don�t think they can trust me.
Why set yourself up for temptation and accusation!
I have so many thoughts on this issue I really don't know where to start. But I'm in a writing mood today, so I'll give it my attention.
First: Without even reading the book, I can tell you that I'm going to concur completely with the author. And could probably write a book of my own as to why.
As I read the post, I was reminded of when I was involved in the music ministry at my church a few years back. All volunteers at the church were given a 'ministry manual' when coming aboard. One of the rules in the manual was that it was not recommended or permissible for men to minister to women and visa versa. There was to be 'same gender' ministering only.
Apparently, the associate pastor (who was married) at the church didn't think the guideline applied to him and he chose to minister to a woman at the church. (She too, was married) Hey, what do ya know, an affair ensued, and the associate pastor was asked to leave the church.
That alone should be enough reason to suggest why the author of the book is correct.
I've spent my life in the entertainment biz. It runs the gamut of all the types of venues I have ever played, coordinated, or put together. I've spent a LOT of time having the vantage point of being able to observe people at clubs, conventions, and events.
I can tell you, the news is not good when watching people when they are away from their spouses and how they interact with members of the opposite sex when the spouse isn't around. Quite a lot of these same people will attend church the following Sunday.
I do KNOW that it is possible to have opposite sex friendships that are completely platonic, where nothing happens and the boundaries of marital morals are crossed. But in our day and age, even Christians are being influenced more by secular �norms�, and are caving in because they are more concerned with typical �peer pressures� than they are about what God might think of their behaviors.
In short..... most people these days, including Christians are sorely lacking CHARACTER.
I'm always reminded that most people these days, when getting married, spend far too much time being more concerned with planning the wedding, and being extremely particular, almost obsessive, about the EVENT, or how they looked in their gown, then the actual importance of the vows themselves. Nobody seems to remember the importance of looking into that partners eyes while standing at the alter in front of everybody who attended and saying the vows.
Nobody ever knows the POWER now of the very words.... �What God has so joined together, let NO MAN put asunder.... ( Look at that again and you see.... �let no man/or woman put US under�).
The wife and husband in the union should give and receive only the BEST of our words, actions, and affections. All others are held BELOW the man and wife. That is why two people got married in the first place. This should include: joking around with certain �innuendos�, flirtatious comments, and physical affections. These should be reserved for the spouse alone.
Once seemingly innocent lines are crossed in the sand, it sets up for a snowball effect for possible things to happen, and people cannot turn back.
Such situations where people ride in car pools, or talk in the office, or at lunches, or happy hours, start revealing information that should remain private. It starts out innocently.... but again... starts snowballing.
I've wondered about this same topic many times. As a paramedic in WKy, the "norm" is to work 24 hour shifts. Because of the inablility to pre-know what kind of situations we could get in, most of the time, managers schedule a male and a female to work together rather than two females. (sidenote: I know that sounds sexist, but honestly, it's realism.)
I have many boundaries at work and I try to explain them to a new work partner as quickly and as tactfully as possible. I've seen many co-workers end up in an extramarital affair to not have, and set, boundaries.
When a male co-worker starts complaining about his wife, I tell him he should discuss his problems with his wife. I do not talk about my personal life, or as little as possible. And I try to meet my male co-worker's wives so I'm not a faceless female that sleeps in the same building as their husband. When "the guys" start making leud comments, I walk away.
Basically, it's a very slippery slope and we all must respect each other's boundaries. I would not get mad if my husband did not want me to work those shifts. Honestly, I don't like it for many of the same reasons already given. I don't want to make anyone think that anything un-Godly is going on...to me, that would be disrespectful to my husband/fiance/boyfriend.
I have to agree with the consensus here. I've been around too many churches, karaokes, bars, picnics , you name it, where flirty, innocent fun turns into serious sinning issues without a first clue.
And, the marriage vows, totally agree! I just wrote an article yesterday on wedding vows sat there thinking "I wonder how many people even remember those vows?" They should be put on a plaque and hung on the wall in plain view to see daily.
The world is evil and getting worse at a rapid pace, we must be diligent to stay pure and close to His kingdom. No one thinks anything of living together, pre-marital sex and now we have shows like "skins" that shows all kinds of skin. :devil:
I've seen and known and been hit on by more pastors and church leaders than I care to count. Married men, too.
The bible says to flee from the appearance of evil and GL said it well. Jesus is coming and He will certainly know who is who. Selah~:purpleangel:
