Author	Thread: Forgiving wife and family unity
Mercymay View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 06:24 AM From observation, I think family unity usually rests on a forgiving wife. In the old testament, there are a number of blessed men with multiple wives, not one blessed wife with multiple husbands. So marital unfaithfulness committed by the wife is not tolerated and a cause for divorce. On the other hand, a forgiving wife of his youth can save the marriage during his crisis when he looks for another youthful wife. We cannot deny there are lots of united family with children from different women but I still have to hear a united family with children from different men. From my reading I learned that women have to be loving, submissive and forgiving to minister to men. A woman need to know her proper place, read the old testament again and again. As a woman, I don't need to question God's wisdom on this. If it is God's will, it must be good. Post Reply
paschen81 View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 23 Sep, 2010 05:10 PM Mercymay please forgive me and if I'm misunderstanding what your trying to say... Are you saying that while it's NOT ok for a wife to cheat on the husband and to do so is grounds for divorce...it IS ok for the husband to cheat on the wife and she's just suppose to shrug and say "Oh God is blessing our family because my husband is unfaithful to me!"??? If that is true I will certainly prefer to remain single for the rest of my life! however, if that isn't what you were meaning to infer please by all means do clarify... Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 06:30 AM Mercymay, I have to agree with paschen81 on this. You said: "In the old testament, there are a number of blessed men with multiple wives, not one blessed wife with multiple husbands. So marital unfaithfulness committed by the wife is not tolerated and a cause for divorce. On the other hand, a forgiving wife of his youth can save the marriage during his crisis when he looks for another youthful wife. We cannot deny there are lots of united family with children from different women but I still have to hear a united family with children from different men." It does sound like you are saying that a woman should not cheat on her husband, but if the husband cheats on his wife then that's ok because the wife should just forgive him to keep family unity. I feel sure that is not what you intended to say. If you were a man, I'd be slamming you for this post, but as you are a woman, I don't understand your perspective. It almost sounds as though you are trying to justify someone's actions toward you. Yes, wives need to be forgiving. Husbands should also be forgiving. That is part of what makes a marriage work. But cheating is cheating, no matter who does it. It is not worse for a woman to cheat than it is for her husband to cheat. Please do clarify your post! Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 05:53 AM Polygamy was not God's plan for his people. It was a direct outgrowth of Israel's sin in asking for a king in the first place and their approbation of the godless culture around them! I think if you read the OT, you'll also note how multiple wives were a trap and snare to men, and how they brought about many, many problems for both the men and Israel as a nation. Now as a man, having a woman cheat on you is crippling. It is crushing. It destroys your self-esteem and calls into question your trust, your sense of sharing, your hopes/dreams/goals, even your very body. I can't imagine that it'd be any less horrible for women. As believers we are to love one another and in the marriage covenant, be faithful to one another -- men and women -- for the two have become one. No exceptions. Post Reply
Mercymay View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 08:33 PM My post is about family unity, observation in society, and reading of the OT and my conclusion is that such unity usually rest on the capacity of women to forgive. Husbands are more challenged these days with media and more commercial venues to cheat. So, I kind of, have low expectation for husbands to remain faithful all the time. Personally I don't wish to be in a polygamous marriage. The OT just makes me wonder and then accept the bias tolerance towards men. Wives should never cheat, and if ever her husband does, it is so much to ask of her but she need to forgive to maintain family unity or resort to divorce then start the cycle again. To Paschen81, I will not advise you to remain single the rest of your life cause if ever you settled with God's Mr. Right, not just Mr. Right Now, husband and wife relationship is really wonderful. Just remember it is a lifetime commitment and requires so much effort to maintain a home so a husband never feels emptiness enough to fill with cheating. Yes bcpianogal, from the OT, a wife should never cheat on her husband and one reason I can think of is because she might bring a child not his without his knowledge. A cheating husband cannot do that. But I don't mean I expect husbands to cheat, I just suggest tolerance/forgiveness if ever it happens to save the marriage. Surely it is wonderful if he never does. My ex did not cheat, he has low self esteem (very jealous, anti social disorder) that he beats me up now and then. I hope you understand when I cannot be tolerant in my case. Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 28 Sep, 2010 04:17 AM You may have a low expectation for men, and that is "the soft bigotry of low expectations". Sister, that's demeaning. God Almighty demands that we remain faithful to our wives and to not do so is a sin. There is no bias towards men in this. We are all responsible for maintaining our SACRED marriage vows to God. No excuses. There is no harmony to preserve if someone cheats, man or woman. Post Reply
Mercymay View Profile History	Forgiving wife and family unity Posted : 29 Sep, 2010 09:09 AM I agree SilverFire, man and wife must be responsible to maintain the sacred marriage vows. But, in the event that either fall short and cheats, I am biased towards forgiveness if that is what it takes to save the marriage. However, depending on the individual, the act of cheating might feel so cruel that maybe the wife/husband can forgive but will chose not to live with an unrepentant spouse. I believe marriage as a lifetime partnership where success or failure depends on both partners. I think it is wishful thinking that both will work all the time to make it work. In reality, one have control only over ones action but cannot possibly impose on the other all the time, so what about lifetime? Post Reply