Thread: What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
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What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 14 Dec, 2009 06:49 PM
I'm not looking for a textbook answer as I read/study my bible too. :) How would you really respond? What would be your first reaction? Would it change your opinion of the pastor? Would you think less, lose respect, and no longer "love" as God commands? Would you feel enraged?
If the pastor didn't resign, should he remain on staff? Would it be righteous to force him out? No pretenses here. Although, raw and real is what I'm seeking.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 03:51 AM
I think like most people, I would be shocked. I think I would pray the Lord take the reigns on this situation, for gossip is a vicious thing, and the allegation may not even be true, and whether its true or not, the people involved need God's intervention.
I would only consider leaving the church if he admitted the affair felt no need to adjust his standing in the church, for a fall of that magnitude screams of something that needs time and reflection which a pastor would not be able to do if he continued in his duties within the church for a spiritual leader is like a doctor for the soul and if he is deeply in need of healing himself, there is a problem. Stress from the job, something, has caused him to fall to a temptation that his strength in the Lord has not carried him through.
I think it is an arrogance to believe that you can be "caught" in something like this, admit and come clean, ask for forgiveness, and NOT address what it was that lead you astray, and as a Pastor this is not a band-aid fix answer, but something that needs to be stepped back and addressed before going forward, or there is a likely possibility it will happen again, for as a Pastor, he would have known it was wrong before he chose to step over the line, rather than flee from this path of destruction which is all to obvious before it is crossed.
I think in time he could return to his duties, but I think perhaps in another parish, for such talk is not going to go away, not ever really, it may settle, but it will leave a nasty stain, which in a perfect world all could forgive, but there is not such thing as a perfect church, not yet anyway, especially in a church where a pastor has taken a huge fall like that.
I think an attempt should be made to quell the gossip as much as anyone personally can for that in itself is just as ugly of stain as the act that led to the origin of the gossip. After all, one never really knows but what its a vicious rumor merely started by someone that doesn't want their spouse to attend church.
There are lots of lines of professionalism in our society that should never be crossed without stepping down. Affairs with clients are out of line in generally most all of them and when marriages and families enter into it, it only becomes worse.
Teachers do not sleep with their students, Doctors don't sleep with their patients, attorney's with clients, correctional staff with inmates, caregivers with clients, adults with children, and clergy with people they are leading or counseling. Today we see those lines blurred and crossed constantly. It is not our place to judge them, but to forgive them, to pray for them, and not to stand over them and laugh and toast marshmallows over them while they burn. Someday we could all be in that fire, whether we did something to warrant it or not.
I think it is just another sign of our terrible times, when our sacred oaths and vows mean so very little.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 06:13 AM
In the 1980's we has some scandles that address this.One man was suspended for a year then he said I will go out on my own.He chose not to honor the suspension.When we sin a period of time must take place to bring us back.Yes, I am talking about Jimmy Swagart.We all have to answer to a earthly body.That is so we stay in gods will or have a time of repentance.Such a person must step down as leader ok.It may be a year or 2.You play you pay.
It is also,called accepting authorty over you.I have pulled no punches here.Some may take a harder stand that is ok.
If the man refuses his punishment then leave on the spot.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 08:50 AM
He should step down. No question. Look up the requirements for church leadership. I believe such a man could be forgiven, and take the calling up again...but he should definitely take a break for awhile...a long while...
1 Timothy 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) 6 Not a novicea, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.
8 Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre; 9 Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience. 10 And let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless. 11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. 12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. 13 For they that have used the office of a deacon well purchase to themselves a good degree, and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 10:21 AM
This is a very heavy and serious question and was asked recently after a group Bible study. The group gave many views and personal opinons and scripture was sought on it as to Biblical law which has been quoted here...
When I was asked how would I respond, think, act...
You asked for Raw...I would respond being stunned, for he is a man called by GOD...how ? why would he do this ?
I would think of the Laws of old how this would disgrace his honor and standing among the people. How they would rip their tunic/robe, turn there back on him and most likely stone him to death..." Let he that is without sin cast the first stone"...
I would act as Jesus has taught and asked of me. I would feel compassion for him, I would surely weep and ask GOD to forgive him as he has Sooooooo many times forgiven us all...
I would not leave the church because of this act unless GOD told me to...
No doubt the Pastor would step down and away...and my prayers would be with him and his family...and I would still Love him...Thats Real...xo
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 03:18 PM
After getting over the surprise, I'd hope he'd take some time away and get his priorities straight. Think to keep in mind: He's human. Therefore, he will make mistakes. Anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves.
I'll admit, this is a large mistake to make, but I'm more interested in the man getting back to where he needs to be not what he did.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 03:19 PM
I speak from experience on this subject. I KNOW what my response would be because I dealt with this very issue a couple years ago (although it was a deacon, not the pastor, who had the affair).
I would be first shocked, then angry, then saddened. I would try to love him with Christian love, but it would be difficult, as my respect for him would be gone. I do believe that if the leader does not resign voluntarily, then he should be asked to resign. If he still refuses to resign, he should be voted out of his leadership position. I do not necessarily think that he should be banned from the church, but he should not be allowed any leadership roles until he has publicly asked forgiveness of God and the church, and undergone counseling and an observation period. In the case of a pastor, I do not believe that he should be allowed to pastor at that same church again.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 06:30 PM
How would you really respond? What would be your first reaction? Would it change your opinion of the pastor? Would you think less, lose respect, and no longer "love" as God commands? Would you feel enraged?
If the pastor didn't resign, should he remain on staff? Would it be righteous to force him out? No pretenses here. Although, raw and real is what I'm seeking.
1. Disappointed , Hurt
2. Let Down by the fact that the head of the church would be the reason I been drawn to the church in the first place.
3. Yes
4. Yes at 1st but wombs heal in time
5. Not enraged but I would want answers.
6. I don't know about the resigning part of my answer yet. (I would have to say that it would need some open possibilitys)
7. Raw and real ? I think that my answers speak for them selves to me because I been through the experience in my own personal life.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 16 Dec, 2009 11:04 AM
i would vote for him to step aside and just be another member for a while.
if he doesn't, i would find another church. i don't see the point of someone with a wreck of a spiritual life trying to guide me to a better one. especially if he doesn't see the need for a little down time.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 18 Dec, 2009 02:54 AM
Good, I like 'raw and real' answers.....
I'd treat him exactly the way I would treat a spouse who cheated on me.
"You're forgiven......now get out..."
It's not being "righteous" when making such a decision to tell a pastor to leave. It's fairly obvious that the one who was feeling "righteous" was the one who tried leading a flock while having a counterfeit moral compass.
What if the pastor to your church had an affair? What would your response be?
Posted : 19 Dec, 2009 05:38 PM
About 8 years ago this happened in my church. The regional pastor came and sat with the core leaders and it was decided we would give him another chance and let him remain as the senior pastor. It wasnt a sexual relationship as of yet but it was headed that direction. So, he was supposed to get close to the regional pastor and be accountable to him but pride rose up and he didnt do it.
We had alot of large functions going on, city wide crusades and stuff like that, no one even noticed he wasnt holding up his end of the bargain. Anyway, time went on and sin was running a muck in the church, you could sense something wasnt right. Five years later it almost happened again, this time he was forced to take a short leave. The leadership was hurt and voted him out this time. Of course other things that were hidden were brought to light.
If the sin isnt dealt with at the root, it will always happen again. He hurt alot of people with his actions.
Bottom line is...pastors are human too. God will deal with their sin, they are held to a higher standard.
When pastors fall, they have to be removed for their own good, for their families own good. They have to be reconciled to one another, if their marriage is not solid, they shouldnt be shepherding a flock.
The devil finds a crack, he's coming in full force. He wants christians to be wounded and discombobulated (sp?) that makes them weaker to fight him or even notice he's around.
Just wanted to share my experience and add my two cents.
