Author	Thread: "Separated"
Pilgrim4LordJC View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 1 Feb, 2014 02:18 PM Do these married people have any business being on this site? I don't think any of them do. Post Reply
alexandra827 View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 3 Feb, 2014 05:52 PM Not everyone who is "separated" is searching for a date.....sometimes people just need a friend. I, myself am going through a nasty divorce, which will be final very soon. I am not hiding this. My husband became very controlling and emotionally abusive towards the end, and I had tried for over two years to "make" our marriage work through Christian marriage counseling, seminars, books, etc., but to know avail. So, a lot of times, people have been physically separated for a while and are in the process of divorcing, and just need other Christians to talk to.....maybe even people who have been through the same thing. Just some food for thought :) Post Reply
Pilgrim4LordJC View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 4 Feb, 2014 11:07 AM For those really looking for "just friends", I recommend finding (or starting if none in your area) a Celebrate Recovery or Life Recovery meeting and look for church groups. Post Reply
View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 6 Feb, 2014 05:36 PM In my experience the church is the last place to go for support or recovery groups. No church ever cared about my divorce. Many Christians feel the same way. It helps to find support wherever you can. The forums and chat rooms here are very supportive. This is a social site and lots of people are here looking for friends. I have made friends in lots of places because I am here. I want to find a life partner but that will come in it's time. Meanwhile, I'm always here to be friends or to give support and opinions. Post Reply
Lukia^ View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 7 Feb, 2014 12:09 AM Yes this is a social site where people can chat and learn.And make friends too.We all need encouragement in this life.This is a place people get encouraged.I love to read posts by members here.I learn alot from them.So whether I get a partner or not my stay here is gainful in my life.And I believe these sites are the best places to be. Post Reply
View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 10 Feb, 2014 12:44 PM @OP: This question arose several months ago in a quite bitter forum thread. The site admins got involved and confirmed that this site is for all Christians whether actively dating, married or otherwise. It is not, as the title implies, strictly for dating only. If you need further clarification or wish to change who the site caters to then you should contact the admins using the "contact us" link on the top right of the page. Post Reply
View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 26 Feb, 2014 09:59 PM Thanks Alexandra! "Legally" or "emotionally" that social state is common these days, even when people shared their life with someone who do not care (enough). I know marreid ones who are emotionally or physically "separated", willing to be divorced and some of them remained that condition for their children�s sake or even for money (a sad things, too). Recently, one of my friends texted me saying she was sad. She had a long and bad time trying to be divorced -legally- since she has spent years when her husband left her, with her son. On Dec 25, 2013, the one she married and the one she begged (a lot) to sign a certificate to be divorced, was hit by a car, so my friend became widow (and she was spending a lot of money to be divorced). I believed it was GOD sorting out the issue, because she is retiret and that money was a waste she couldn�t afford. Of course, it is desired that those emotional bonds were utterly banished and ceased. There are some who still being "married" (or engaged) with those they haven�t left, in their past. Post Reply
Matthew75 View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 13 Mar, 2014 05:35 PM Somebodysdream wrote: "In my experience the church is the last place to go for support or recovery groups." The is a sad unfortunate truth. While is it always Gods will to reconcile a marriage, both parties involved have to be willing to reconcile GODS way, not get the other to conform. Churches often will pressure the one more willing to bend to just conform for the sake of the marriage. While this pressure isn't always deliberate, it definitely feels that way sometimes and is disheartening. I do not advocate divorce. Let man not separate what God has joined. However, the Bible tells us that we are also not bound to unbelievers. Most people I've met, even doped up junkies, claim to be christian in one form or another (there have been exceptions). You cannot take people at their word. You will know them by their fruits. Churches often overlook this and simply say if both claim to be christian, then divorce is not permissible. CLAIM being the key word there. Anybody can CLAIM, that doesn't make it so. I've heard of cases where one spouse will use that claim as a means of controlling the other reminding them that they can't leave because divorce is forbidden in their case. Regarding married people on this site? Is that really a major concern? I think it a benefit especially if they are successfully married or were single and became married. They can give advice, pointers, and encouragement to others. For those that are separated, this is a place they can come for encouragement and fellowship with other believers. In my opinion, christian dating doesn't necessarily mean courtship or searching for a mate. That isn't the life we are called to lead ( I wish I understood that better when I was a kid). Our focus should be on God and if a courting relationship forms with somebody from among those we are sharing our lives with, great! if not, fine, the lords will be done. Post Reply
View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 15 Mar, 2014 02:26 PM It is dangerous (not good for sake) for a married person to hang around, date ... a friend of the opposite sex. Because they are likely to commit adultery. A separated person cannot have a friend of the opposite sex who likes him/her; he/she would commit mental adultery; Matthew 5: 28. Post Reply
Matthew75 View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 17 Mar, 2014 09:06 PM I agree that adultery occurs...mental or otherwise. The main point of that verse (Matthew 5: 28) however was to illustrate how hopelessly sinful we are even if we physically follow the letter of the law outwardly. It was not intended as a means to avoid counsel or friendships with members of the opposite sex. But yes, the danger is there. Not meeting one-on-one, including friends, and meeting in public places are things we can do to avoid providing opportunities for the flesh. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. Even Jesus had female friends and counseled them. Every occurrence however was in public and usually surrounded by his close friends ( the disciples ). Post Reply
View Profile History	"Separated" Posted : 7 Apr, 2014 11:31 AM I have been on both sides of the fence with this issue. I dated when I was separated, my date was also separated, he was still emotionally attached to his wife although they had been separated for a number of years. It was painful for both of us and clearly wrong. I would like to have a husband, but not someone elses! I repented and am now firmly decided on no dating with anyone separated. The wonderful thing is that God is so gracious with us in all our faults, if we truly want to do things right and honor Him He will help us onto the right path. None of us are perfect but if we are willing to learn and grow as Christians then that's a great thing. Post Reply

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