i'm only in my early 30s yet i feel so old already. lately, a lot of people are asking me when ill get married and have my own family. living in a society/country where people usually marries at an early age is quite hard and depressing especially when the people around you keeps pressuring you to do such.
i have been thinking and realized lately that I do not need to get married just to have a baby. this is for a lot of reasons (e.g. being unfaithful by lots of men & i'm scared to be tied up to somebody who wouldn't treat me right).
i just want a baby. i know it's wrong but can you blame me?when lots of marriages nowadays fail.
I just looked at your profile and it says that you are looking for a marriage partner.
Also your tastes, pursuits and pictures as showed in your profile do not match the title of your thread at all (the desire to have a baby without marriage)
Why are you so desperate to fill in all the holes in your happiness by yourself?
In the bible there is the story of Abraham and Sarai, who are both in their own particular ways convinced, that it is time for them to take action as to finally having a child. (Sarah offers him her slave Hagar and Abraham finishes the job so to speak)
Although this story does not seem to reflect your situation, it indeed has many similarities to your desires, fears and attitudes.
For instance:
1. They too are afraid to be left out
2. They too feel that other people should be brought in to serve their happiness without giving these 'third parties' the joy and fulfillment of being a parent and raising a child.
The slave Hagar will be brought in to give birth to a child but she will be left out as a mother: it will be Abraham�s son. With you it will be no different, just the opposite. It will be your child and the father will be denied fathership and husbandship.
There are many other similarities but I think you will find them easily for yourself.
I suggest you study this bible part, perhaps together with your pastor or a mature christian in your inner circle. You will then come to understand the dangers and caused pain of the decision you are about to make.
You will find this full story in Genesis 15, 16, 17 and 18.
So, is it you want a baby or you want sex without commitment?
If it's just a baby then consider adopting but being a single mum may make you less desirable in the dating pool.
If you want your *own* baby then the only allowed way is through marriage, but of course you#re not really interested in that which means you'd just be trapping some poor guy into an almost sexless relationship and financial commitment after he's served his purpose to you. Of course, you'd probably divorce him anyway which might not be an issue for you if you weren't bothered about a husband to begin with, but if he's a believer it would cause a world of problems for him remarrying.
Think long and hard about your desire for a baby, because unless it's through adoption (which benefits everyone involved), your wants could ruin somebody else's life. How do I know? My previous fiancee wanted a baby more than she wanted a husband, and not listening to God, that's what I gave her - of course I only found out how much I was worth to her once she became pregnant...
i know a sincere woman who is single and wanted a child, so she adapted a baby. I support this because no sin is involved. Consider this option. it gives us a chance to stop abortion by providing a home.
I'd agree with, algomaboy. There are plenty of children that have no parents, it would be a huge blessing to them and to you for an adoption to take place. There are a few scientific ways people could avoid biblical prescriptions, but in principle, those are probably not good either and self-denial would be a better route.
There is nothing wrong with you making a child smile for the rest of his/her life if you so decide to adopt one. That's is as simple as that.
But the part that is not as simple as that is your urge for a child and fear of marriage failure as well as comparison of pressure in a society that favors early marriage. You must do some inward thinking, and ask yourself of your inward motives for doing what you are doing, i.e wanting a child outside marriage. Its a noble idea to adopt a child. But should your motive for this act be premised on the fact that you are sore-afraid of marriage failures..and for that fact that you don't even have one,let alone to say you had had one that failed, thus giving you that fear! My point is, why must you have fear over what you have not even created? Why must you think a man will treat you disloyally? Even when you had not even tried in the first place to be married to one! I think its fear you should deal with for now. And the cure to that fear is not seen in adopting a child or wanting a child (be it through sex or medical child transplant....) or any means whatever.!
The cure now is that you over come your fears about marriage! Every marriage will be tested. Even courting and relationship are always rocked with so much!
There is nothing wrong with the desire to have a baby or a husband. Sometimes that doesn't happen as soon as we would like or expected it to. Many women feel that pressure at a certain age and consider motherhood before marriage. Many men really don't want the responsibility of children these days, which leaves good Christian women feeling depressed and anxious about their desire to have children. There are many children in this world who need a mother who will love and care for them, even if they haven't found the right man yet. Have you considered adoption?
