Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 08:49 AM
I have a problem with someone who demands to know the reason. When you do not know somebody to demand that it stops is insane. My personal life is shared as i feel comfortable. if somebody demanded to know something about my personal life i would tell them it is none of their bussiness.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 08:49 AM
I have a problem with someone who demands to know the reason. When you do not know somebody to demand that it stops is insane. My personal life is shared as i feel comfortable. if somebody demanded to know something about my personal life i would tell them it is none of their bussiness.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 08:50 AM
I have a problem with someone who demands to know the reason. When you do not know somebody to demand that it stops is insane. My personal life is shared as i feel comfortable. if somebody demanded to know something about my personal life i would tell them it is none of their bussiness.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 08:50 AM
I have a problem with someone who demands to know the reason. When you do not know somebody to demand that it stops is insane. My personal life is shared as i feel comfortable. if somebody demanded to know something about my personal life i would tell them it is none of their bussiness.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Feb, 2012 05:29 AM
Dear Brother Author,
All I can say is amen and amen..I have gone beyond the point of self condemnation for seeking divorce for such reasons that God has released me from marriage, which are valid to God & I... and many don't have true understanding nor wisdom of the hidden meaning of the scriptures nor the parables either....You can only get the true revelation under the guidance of they holy spirit with much prayer and asking for his wisdom to come upon u ..on such difficult questions relating to bad marriage..He desires peace and love in our relationships, and if u don't have that....pray to do your part and pray for your partner, if u still have one......God finally set me from from false condemnation that the religious sect of today (modern day pharisees) have influenced the many christians to believe in ....I was devasted with the relationship that was a dead end..and enemy was actually enjoying my suffering and I was thinking I was doing the christian thing....by staying in the marriage...I will stand before God my righteous judge and he knows all things...All I can say is that ex got revelation of God that I had right to be released, after much prayer and asking God for revelation....I am free and don't believe I have to answer to any pharisee...
And let's just say somebody is truly at fault, well then God still makes a provision to be forgiven..He said "Go and sin no more" to the women mentioned in scripture at the well and on this forum it was referenced..the women of many husbands....Jesus also pointed the finger at the accusers..because no..there is not one blameless, and anyone that confesses that is a Liar...Most importanly it is heart of repentance and efforts to please God and follow him and live right..correct the sin if any..or be free from someone who has sinned against you...
It is every individuals choice....
Some questions I have wondered of are many...
Like why was God's favorite King David..when he sinned so greatly and killed, committed adultery and allowed much sin in his family....????
Well it is because he saw Davids heart and said ...that is man after my own heart......he truly repented of any hidden or open sin....and it pained him to fail God.....that is sign of true repentance..and God always makes allowances for our humaness....not to take advantage of his forgiveness or grace, and hopefully we won't live in sin continually, because that is not new creature living..and that means living in flesh not spirit...but make no mistake...we all sin..but hopefully less and less and we mature in Christ...and become stronger in word and faith, prayer,etc...to deal better with temptations...sin will be exposed to God, iif not in public where every eye will see, but surely in private or in the mind...why he condemned thos men that accused woman with many husbands....he knew their thoughts and hearts....though it was all hidden..In the womens case scripture proves she was guilty and still given mercy...not judgement...
All fall short of the glory...and lets just say a person is guilty of a divorce and it is truly their fault...like it was King Davids example in bible....difference is ...wicked person stay down..and righteous get up..due to God enabling by the spirit in them...how u know a true christian..they keep trying and keep at it....to please God..God knows our fallacies...but no excuse to stay in sin.....but Grace provided if truly repent.
Proverbs 24: 16. 17 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.
17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles,
Cross references:Proverbs 24:15 : Ps. 10:9, 10Proverbs 24:16 : See Ps. 37:24Proverbs 24:16 : See Job 5:19Proverbs 24:16 : Prov 14:32Proverbs 24:17 : Ps. 35:15, 19; [Mic. 7:8]; See Prov 17:5
i think this scripture points out the grace of God upon humanity....when a person demonstrates repentence and prays...no matter the sin.....
Job 33:26-27
English Standard Version (ESV)
26 then man[a] prays to God, and he accepts him;
he sees his face with a shout of joy,
and he restores to man his righteousness.
27 He sings before men and says:
�I sinned and perverted what was right,
and it was not repaid to me
God deals with it beautifully....looking at heart and actions after the sin is committed...which in turn determines if they will be blessed or cursed...afterwards....
An encouraging word to those that are at fault...or have been a victim of control, abuse or sexual immorality in a marriage...u can forgive and leave..or u can forgive and stay...your chose and nobody elses....You will answer to God only..but hopefully u understand some in body..just want to point our scripture to help u and not condemn u...
Commandments bring life to your spirit and death to the flesh...the more we keep them the better....but will u always keep them 24/7? It is a choice and it takes discipline....
and God hates divorce..but also many other sins of pride, lust, greed, strife/division, any sin really....so why is divorce (whether someone is guilty or not in relationship) why is divorce the unforgiveable sin? There is only one...and that is blasphemy of the holy spirit...rejection of his words...
God made the laws, but loves us enough to forgive us should we ever falter...we have an advocate who is just to forgive us...and whether u caused the reason for the divorce or are victim of something negative in marriage...always best to forgive other party..and bless the enemy....the quicker u will be free and healed...forgive yourself and ask him to guide u for the next relationship, and may that one be blessed and in his will as we pray for him to join two people he meant to be joined .....Pray his will, not your own will....For he knows the plans that are best Jeremiah 29:11...and knows the beginning to the end...Pray the perfect will of God...
not just the acceptable permitted will of God....whcih is usually plan b or the mistake u make when not includiing God in your plans and prayers to guide you to wise choice.....
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Feb, 2012 05:30 AM
Dear Brother Author,
All I can say is amen and amen..I have gone beyond the point of self condemnation for seeking divorce for such reasons that God has released me from marriage, which are valid to God & I... and many don't have true understanding nor wisdom of the hidden meaning of the scriptures nor the parables either....You can only get the true revelation under the guidance of they holy spirit with much prayer and asking for his wisdom to come upon u ..on such difficult questions relating to bad marriage..He desires peace and love in our relationships, and if u don't have that....pray to do your part and pray for your partner, if u still have one......God finally set me from from false condemnation that the religious sect of today (modern day pharisees) have influenced the many christians to believe in ....I was devasted with the relationship that was a dead end..and enemy was actually enjoying my suffering and I was thinking I was doing the christian thing....by staying in the marriage...I will stand before God my righteous judge and he knows all things...All I can say is that ex got revelation of God that I had right to be released, after much prayer and asking God for revelation....I am free and don't believe I have to answer to any pharisee...
And let's just say somebody is truly at fault, well then God still makes a provision to be forgiven..He said "Go and sin no more" to the women mentioned in scripture at the well and on this forum it was referenced..the women of many husbands....Jesus also pointed the finger at the accusers..because no..there is not one blameless, and anyone that confesses that is a Liar...Most importanly it is heart of repentance and efforts to please God and follow him and live right..correct the sin if any..or be free from someone who has sinned against you...
It is every individuals choice....
Some questions I have wondered of are many...
Like why was God's favorite King David..when he sinned so greatly and killed, committed adultery and allowed much sin in his family....????
Well it is because he saw Davids heart and said ...that is man after my own heart......he truly repented of any hidden or open sin....and it pained him to fail God.....that is sign of true repentance..and God always makes allowances for our humaness....not to take advantage of his forgiveness or grace, and hopefully we won't live in sin continually, because that is not new creature living..and that means living in flesh not spirit...but make no mistake...we all sin..but hopefully less and less and we mature in Christ...and become stronger in word and faith, prayer,etc...to deal better with temptations...sin will be exposed to God, iif not in public where every eye will see, but surely in private or in the mind...why he condemned thos men that accused woman with many husbands....he knew their thoughts and hearts....though it was all hidden..In the womens case scripture proves she was guilty and still given mercy...not judgement...
All fall short of the glory...and lets just say a person is guilty of a divorce and it is truly their fault...like it was King Davids example in bible....difference is ...wicked person stay down..and righteous get up..due to God enabling by the spirit in them...how u know a true christian..they keep trying and keep at it....to please God..God knows our fallacies...but no excuse to stay in sin.....but Grace provided if truly repent.
Proverbs 24: 16. 17 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.
17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles,
Cross references:Proverbs 24:15 : Ps. 10:9, 10Proverbs 24:16 : See Ps. 37:24Proverbs 24:16 : See Job 5:19Proverbs 24:16 : Prov 14:32Proverbs 24:17 : Ps. 35:15, 19; [Mic. 7:8]; See Prov 17:5
i think this scripture points out the grace of God upon humanity....when a person demonstrates repentence and prays...no matter the sin.....
Job 33:26-27
English Standard Version (ESV)
26 then man[a] prays to God, and he accepts him;
he sees his face with a shout of joy,
and he restores to man his righteousness.
27 He sings before men and says:
�I sinned and perverted what was right,
and it was not repaid to me
God deals with it beautifully....looking at heart and actions after the sin is committed...which in turn determines if they will be blessed or cursed...afterwards....
An encouraging word to those that are at fault...or have been a victim of control, abuse or sexual immorality in a marriage...u can forgive and leave..or u can forgive and stay...your chose and nobody elses....You will answer to God only..but hopefully u understand some in body..just want to point our scripture to help u and not condemn u...
Commandments bring life to your spirit and death to the flesh...the more we keep them the better....but will u always keep them 24/7? It is a choice and it takes discipline....
and God hates divorce..but also many other sins of pride, lust, greed, strife/division, any sin really....so why is divorce (whether someone is guilty or not in relationship) why is divorce the unforgiveable sin? There is only one...and that is blasphemy of the holy spirit...rejection of his words...
God made the laws, but loves us enough to forgive us should we ever falter...we have an advocate who is just to forgive us...and whether u caused the reason for the divorce or are victim of something negative in marriage...always best to forgive other party..and bless the enemy....the quicker u will be free and healed...forgive yourself and ask him to guide u for the next relationship, and may that one be blessed and in his will as we pray for him to join two people he meant to be joined .....Pray his will, not your own will....For he knows the plans that are best Jeremiah 29:11...and knows the beginning to the end...Pray the perfect will of God...
not just the acceptable permitted will of God....whcih is usually plan b or the mistake u make when not includiing God in your plans and prayers to guide you to wise choice.....
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Feb, 2012 03:02 PM
Thank you for sharing, both Really54 and Goldenfaith:applause:
Is grace limited? To those who won't accept it... sure, but it's still there freely offered to the humbled person who will but only believe Jesus paid the penalty of our sin and we may receive forgiveness, and be reconciled to God through Christ.
Why would any one of us who have received God's mercy for our own sin dare to make dirty or condemn another person for what God has so graciously made clean?
We are called to love one another as He has loved us...
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Feb, 2012 11:19 PM
Thank you GoldenFaith and One Sojourner for sharing your thoughts and revelation that our God is a MERCIFUL GOD! Halleluiah! . . . Hallelujah!! . . . Alleluia!!!... no matter how you say it . . ."Mercy triumphs over judgment." :angel:
