Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 14 Nov, 2014 07:03 PM
Singer4U says, �Hereforus message is plain and clear� Singer, your support of here4us erroneous teaching does not suddenly give it any credibility. Nothing has changed.
I'm sorry, here4us, but your posting makes no sense. The ability to read Greek does not make one a scholar nor does it automatically give one discernment to rightfully interpret the Word of God. And you have done neither.
here4us, you said, "Thus for a man, Umbilical divorce is for any reason except fornication, where for the woman is for any reason except death of her husband (the law of man)." You have erred in this statement, misinterpreting Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 as if these scriptures apply to men only. When it comes to the sins of fornication and adultery in marriage, the commands of God apply to men and women equally. There is no gender difference, for the two have become "one flesh". When either the husband or wife commit fornication/adultery, they have violated Matthew 5:32, and the innocent party is free to remarry.
Please note the scriptures below how God's commands apply to men and women equally:
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2).
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4).
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:3).
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Nov, 2014 08:08 AM
Dear really_54
I tried to remember you on the Scriptures!
What i forgot was to share with you the the appropriate verses about the "Law of Man".
So here they are:
For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband (Original Greek text "nomou tou andros" = law of man).
So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
(Rom 7:2-3).
Also remember that Jesus does not cancel the law. He completed the law by the Spirit of the Law!
This is the main problem of today Churches! They introduced Democracy, Human Rights, Minority Rights. So they offer a Modern God, Light Life, whatever possible to keep Churches full.
Do you really think that you have to deal with a God who change styles according to ours?
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Nov, 2014 10:51 AM
here4us, you said, "Thus for a man, Umbilical divorce is for any reason except fornication, where for the woman is for any reason except death of her husband (the law of man)." You have erred in this statement, misinterpreting Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 as if these scriptures apply to men only. When it comes to the sins of fornication and adultery in marriage, the commands of God apply to men and women equally. There is no gender difference, for the two have become "one flesh". When either the husband or wife commit fornication/adultery, they have violated Matthew 5:32, and the innocent party is free to remarry.
Please note the scriptures below how God's commands apply to men and women equally:
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2).
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4).
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:3).
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Nov, 2014 11:20 AM
As now we may have cleared what biblical divorce may be, we may continue to this very important but struggled subject!
As said, a man may divorce his wife only for whoredom and remarry another (Mathews 5:32), but for a wife is not allowed to divorce her husband (no reason prescribed) and remarry as long her husband lives (1Co 7:11), because the law of man (Rom 7:2-3).
But before we proceed let us see what actually is a Marriage.
Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold,
- thy time was the time of love;
- and I spread my skirt over thee,
- and covered thy nakedness:
- yea, I sware unto thee,
- and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD,
- and thou becamest mine. (Eze 16:8)
and later
For thus saith the Lord GOD; I will even deal with thee as thou hast done, which hast despised the oath in breaking the covenant. (Eze 16:59)
Covenant and Oath
Old Testament teach us that whenever Israel broke it's Oath to Lord's covenant suffered. A covenant is always granted by the most powerful under the prerequisite that the other party does not despice it's oath.
As woman created for the man (initially helper and later ruled by the husband), the covenant should and is granted from husband to wife, as written
- Husbands, would love their wives, as their own bodies, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
- Husbands, would sanctify and cleanse them
- Husbands, would present them not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (Eph 5:25-28).
To this covenant the woman's oath is simply
Wives, submit themselves unto their own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Eph 5:22).
This covenant is under the prerequisite of no whoredom from the party of wife.
What is whoredom
Besides the spiritual whoredom in Marriage that caused death in Old Testament, there is also the sexual whoredom. And that may be understood for the times of Jesus Christ.
Why especial whoredom
Flee fornication (Original Greek Text porneia = whoredom). Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body (1Co 6:18 ), where the body belongs to God (1Co 6:19-20)
Paul clears the subject.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, (Original Greek Text: dia tas porneias = for the whoredoms) let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband (1Co 7:2).
As sexual intercourse of married persons with third parties carries the name adultery, Zigabenous (1.100 A.C.) stated: Jesus meant adultery instead whoredom. Later that inherited by St. Augustin until our days!
Through all above we may assume, whoredoms to be sexual intercourse before marriage conducted by a virgin with other men than the man who is going to marry her. (That have been excused upon financial penalty and for obligation not to divorce her as long he lives O.T). Such women called profane.
Thus if the husband found after Marriage his wife to be no virgin, he could divorce his wife, for she committed whoredom!
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Nov, 2014 07:31 PM
I'm sorry, here4us, but your posting makes no sense. The ability to read Greek does not make one a scholar nor does it automatically give one discernment to rightfully interpret the Word of God. And you have done neither.
here4us, you said, "Thus for a man, Umbilical divorce is for any reason except fornication, where for the woman is for any reason except death of her husband (the law of man)." You have erred in this statement, misinterpreting Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 as if these scriptures apply to men only. When it comes to the sins of fornication and adultery in marriage, the commands of God apply to men and women equally. There is no gender difference, for the two have become "one flesh". When either the husband or wife commit fornication/adultery, they have violated Matthew 5:32, and the innocent party is free to remarry.
Please note the scriptures below how God's commands apply to men and women equally:
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2).
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4).
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:3).
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 17 Nov, 2014 03:40 AM
Dear really_54
I share your opinion that "The ability to read Greek does not make one a scholar nor does it automatically give one discernment to rightfully interpret the Word of God".
But you have to admit that English, when it has to deal with God's Word, is not the best language on Earth even if prominent! For that i will give you only 2 exampes.
1. English distinguish among whoredom and fornication. Hebrew and Greek does not. They use only the word whoredom.
2. Reading "And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God" (Mat 19:17), you may easily assume that Jesus is not good but bad! And that because English (and not only) does not have a word for agathos. Agathos is a substance referring to God only and means to do the best without caring on side effects because of your ethical fundamentals.
You use to talk about rights! Does mentioned verses are assumed as rights rather than suggestions, clarifications and commands?
Does equal rights (as you post) should not requires equal duties?
Are in a marriage given equal duties to both genders? For the man swears to love his wife as Jesus loved his Church and eventually die for her, where the wife swears to submit only!
Also Ezekiel as posted, makes clear the duty of the woman to keep her oath given to the covenant of God.
Don't you see that equal rights doctrine destroys Christian families, opens the gates to perversity, threat churches with punishments by objection?
Stopped the command "So thou shalt put the evil away from among you" to be law applicable?
And something else to the readers: Please forgive my mistake to write: "Such women called profane" and correct it to "Such women called harlot".
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 17 Nov, 2014 05:09 PM
I'm sorry, here4us, as I have said previously and now say again, YOUR POSTINGS MAKE NO SENSE. The ability to read Greek does not make one a scholar nor does it automatically give one discernment to rightfully interpret the Word of God. And you have done neither.
here4us, you said, "Thus for a man, Umbilical divorce is for any reason except fornication, where for the woman is for any reason except death of her husband (the law of man)." You have erred in this statement, misinterpreting Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 as if these scriptures apply to men only. When it comes to the sins of fornication and adultery in marriage, the commands of God apply to men and women equally. There is no gender difference, for the two have become "one flesh". When either the husband or wife commit fornication/adultery, they have violated Matthew 5:32, and the innocent party is free to remarry.
Please note the scriptures below how God's commands apply to men and women equally:
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2).
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4).
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:3).
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 21 Nov, 2014 09:37 PM
Sorry Transformed... What you quote and agree with Paul on his and your sounds nice but not exactly true doctrine which is actually an excuse mentality. Agreeing with him in his error of putting his own interpretations above Messiah's specific commands will just make you guilty of the same. Yah gives mercy to those who repent and come out of their sin. His mercy is never towards those who willfully get rid of their mate for another or who marry unscripturaly. We are to get in line with his ways ! Yah never gets in line with our ways which Paul thinks!!! Revelation 21 vs 8 tells where those who commit willful adultery end up= Out of the kingdom!!! Judging is for us in the body of Messiah to warn each other about not qualifying ourselves for having our names erased from the Book of Life. Just as stated in the book of Peter. Yah judges eternal destinations true. Yet He commands us to guard each other's souls and warn of his judgement!!! We are our brother's keeper after all....
