Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 31 Jul, 2013 10:05 PM
Brother, you are a man of honor.I followed you posts and everything you pointed out was biblical.I thank you that for our benefit you kept,opposing the religious spirits that come against.After all ,our fight is not against flesh and blood.Your posts
made me to realize how deeply l am grateful to God that His heart is not like a man 's heart. self righteous, unyielding, no mercy and no love.I am glad, otherwise if, He had a man's heart, l would have perished, together with my children.I am glad that Jesus come to denounce the religious spirit.It is so prevalent in our churches as this post has shone.I want to thank you for conducting yourself with honor.Be encouraged.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 1 Aug, 2013 07:08 PM
Thank you Tamie for your encouraging words. Your post is worth reading in its entirety. :angel: Here is a sample:
"l am grateful to God that His heart is not like a man 's heart. self righteous, unyielding, no mercy and no love. I am glad, otherwise if, He had a man's heart, l would have perished, together with my children."
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 11 Nov, 2013 08:37 PM
Religious spirits don't quote the word especially the New Testament scriptures without adding to them or taking away from them. The devil sure won't tell someone to obey the scriptures and he will have every excuse you can think of. Just as he told Chuwah(eve) in the garden of Eden. Has Yahweh said? As if Yah could lie??? It's an eternal mistake to live in a sin that Yahweh says leads to death especially in the New Testament. AM I a religious spirit by quoting the word and saying we should obey it? Or in fact is a religious spirit in fact the one who obeys minor things from the bible that they want and is easy and then dismisses whatever is required honorable and true.............
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 11 Nov, 2013 09:13 PM
The OP's distortion of Matt. 19 and John 8 are laughable.
Matt 5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 11 Nov, 2013 09:16 PM
OK I have been away from this thread awhile and I am responding to where you took me out of context on where you say God says return to me oh backsliding Israel. I said that the woman who got rid of her earthly husband (unscripturally I meant as I pointed out in my earlier posts) couldn't return to her HEAVENLY HUSBAND either.( I meant to say and clearly said in my various other posts ) That she can't do this while in her sin =unscriptural marriage which Yahweh counts as adultery..... We are going to give an account for every idle word spoken warned Messiah! How much more for willfully and continually breaking one of the 10 commandments Thou shalt commit no adultery!!! The lukewarm will be spit out and spit is no longer in the body!!! You can try and twists my words but you cannot deny what the bible says. Also, Yahweh will not be quoting the stonethrower on judgement day people He will be judging you by Yahushua the Messiah on what you did in the body with Yahushua in your heart and life and you better wake up in your religious views and know it will be goats or sheep obediant ones or rebellious ones. Which will you decide to be??????
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 14 Nov, 2013 10:02 AM
There should be no divorce. But because man hardened his heart, God gave us divorce. Marriage is not a contract between a man and a woman. It is a contract with God. If a man is physically or mentally abusive, it doesnt matter. Remember the suffering of Job? What matters is your relationship to God, not mental of physical suffering.
If you commit adultery, and remarry, you have sinned, twice. You have caused your new spouse to sin, as well. If you divorce for any reason other than adultery, you have been disobedient to God and you can not remarry.
Anyone who says that you can commit adultery and remarry, has turned the truth into a lie and shall be punished by God.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 14 Nov, 2013 10:36 PM
Singer4u, IWalkAlone, and Apostelle. All three of you claim to have the truth of God on your side, much like Job�s friends did. However, in your zealousness for the letter of the Law and judgement, you have missed the heart of God. What does God actually say about Himself? Is He a God of judgement or a God of mercy?
�Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy� (Micah 7:18).
�And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, �The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin�.� (Exodus 34:6-7b)
�The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.�
�He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.�
�He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities.�
�For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;�
�As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us� (Psalm 103:8-12).
To the Pharisees (who were zealous for the Law), Jesus rebuked and said, �But go and learn what this means: �I desire mercy and not sacrifice.�� (Matthew 9:13a).
�For judgement is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement� (James 2:13).
Shame on you Singer4u, IWalkAlone, and Apostelle. For you have clearly misrepresented God with your teachings, just like Job�s friends did. �But go and learn what this means: �I desire mercy and not sacrifice.�� (Matthew 9:13a).
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 15 Nov, 2013 01:40 AM
I disagree with you on the point we don't understand mercy............ I believe in getting mercy if one does what Yahweh requires to get it. He doesn't forgive and give mercy across the board for all people not counting their sins and iniquities unless their is repentance. You sir have missed the point that the whole bible is about repentance in order to be married to Messiah! The scripture plainly says unless you repent you will all likewise perish. Luke 13 vs 3 It is also required they we bear fruit worthy of repentance Matthew 3 vs 8 Bearing fruit proving repentance etc.... Being in a marriage that starts in adultery ends in adultery. The blood covers sin repented of not sin stayed in. He will never put his seal of approval on a adulterous marriage if he did he would be guilty of lying which is impossible. The verses you said are true in context but not without repentance. To be any different would make no literal sense in that He commands us to repent!
