Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 1 May, 2013 12:47 AM
Does wanting the truth more than a woman mean I can't date?...read. Comprehend brother...I'm implying ....I have the truth about this issue and id rather have Jesus (who is the truth)rather than live in deception...
Now I have the truth....so I'm looking for a woman....who ALSO has the truth...
Is that clear bro...or do I hay more snide remarks??
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 1 May, 2013 12:47 AM
Does wanting the truth more than a woman mean I can't date?...read. Comprehend brother...I'm implying ....I have the truth about this issue and id rather have Jesus (who is the truth)rather than live in deception...
Now I have the truth....so I'm looking for a woman....who ALSO has the truth...
Is that clear bro...or do I hay more snide remarks??
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 1 May, 2013 08:41 PM
biglion44... "what we have is a bunch of ....rebellious women who want to justify there sin, undercover. Jezabells(so), feminist! Who are destroying homes....wolves not sheep....following the dictates and desires of their flesh and desires"
biglion44... "Through our women! They chicks lie! And the majority of them are selfesh and rebellious...and the real reason for some of the divorced based on abuse...is women refusing to submit!"
biglion44... "Feminist...secretly committing mutiny in their hearts...so what he's a drunk, so what he's lazy, so what he does drugs"
biglion44... "but today....today!!....OUR WOMEN ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!"
biglion44... "Now I have the truth".
I don't see anything that you have said that smacks of truth at all. Your railing accusations against women in general are not only unfounded and untrue, but are also unbiblical. And you call yourself a Christian. Shame on you!
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 May, 2013 12:48 AM
Romans 1:32 TMBThird Millennium BibleAnd knowing the judgment of God, that those who commit such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but have pleasure in those who do them.Read Romans 1 TMB��|��Read Romans 1:32 TMB in parallel��
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 May, 2013 12:56 AM
Proverbs 14:1-9�(NKJV)�The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.�2�He who walks in his uprightness fears the LORD, But he who is perverse in his ways despises Him.�3�In the mouth of a fool is a rod of pride, But the lips of the wise will preserve them.�4�Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of an ox.�5�A faithful witness does not lie, But a false witness will utter lies.�6�A scoffer seeks wisdom and does not find it,�But knowledge is easy to him who understands.�7�Go from the presence of a foolish man,�When you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.�8�The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, But the folly of fools is deceit.�9�Fools mock at sin, But among the upright there is favor.�What a contrast. The wise woman is a builder of a godly home. She is a model of godly conduct.�
Ungodly Choices
Inherit the Wind
The foolish woman is a destroyer. That is what the words �tear down� mean. She destroys her home, her family and eventually her own life. Word by word, person by person, her evil stifles, chokes and eventually destroys people and relationships. What is her outcome? Look back at Proverbs 11:29
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 May, 2013 01:00 AM
Unbiblical u say! :-)...proverbs 6 7...the adulteress woman...your teaching adultery...and advocating it. read bro...study...meditate in the word...and don't seek to please the flesh...false teachers and prophets...YESHUA is always right!
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 May, 2013 07:01 PM
biglion44... "what we have is a bunch of ....rebellious women who want to justify there sin, undercover. Jezabells(so), feminist! Who are destroying homes....wolves not sheep....following the dictates and desires of their flesh and desires"
biglion44... "Through our women! They chicks lie! And the majority of them are selfesh and rebellious...and the real reason for some of the divorced based on abuse...is women refusing to submit!"
biglion44... "Feminist...secretly committing mutiny in their hearts...so what he's a drunk, so what he's lazy, so what he does drugs"
biglion44... "but today....today!!....OUR WOMEN ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!"
biglion44... "Now I have the truth".
I don't see anything that you have said that smacks of truth at all. Your railing accusations against women in general are not only unfounded and untrue, but are also unbiblical. And you call yourself a Christian. Shame on you
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 19 May, 2013 11:04 AM
I am a divorced woman... my ex-husband was unfaithful... abusive... did drugs... would not work. I felt pretty justified in my divorce... but I wasn't justified, not Biblically.
I made the choice (even though I was young, it was still a decision I made) to become 'unequally yoked'. In the Bible, we are warned against that... but, ironically, people are not 'stoned' for that 'mistake'. hmmmm...
Anyway... while I am not an advocate of a woman (and her children) staying in a dangerous situation... from which, I believe, she MUST leave... not divorce... but leave for safety reasons... You have failed to recognize 1 Corinthians 7:13 where the Bible states it is a Christian wife's duty to stay with a man she finds herself 'unequally yoked' to, with the hope that, through HER example, he might find his way. That verse alone means we cannot simply bail on a marriage when the goin' gets tough or it gets hard to deal with...
Also, many women these days are having some of the problems they face simply because they refuse to be submissive (as the Bible also instructs us to do) and the 'proper order' of their household is damaged and they wanna run and cry that he mistreats them... doesn't appreciate them... is not loving toward them... and much worse... and the list goes on... and on...
When women learn to appreciate and encourage (and PRAY for!) their husbands, in spite of his faults, looking past his shortcomings, THEN we will see husbands loving and adoring their wives and much decrease in divorce.
I am not throwing ANY stones here .... what is in the past is a person's past... I am a divorced Christian woman who was 'unequally yoked' and thought divorce was my only option... I do not judge anyone because of their past... it's their present and future that are important to me.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 19 May, 2013 07:19 PM
Dear Rulabo,
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. You said, "I am a divorced woman... my ex-husband was unfaithful... abusive... did drugs... would not work. I felt pretty justified in my divorce... but I wasn't justified, not Biblically."
I'm not sure where you are getting your present teachings from, but I can assure you that, according to the Bible, you had just cause to divorce your husband. You wrote that your husband was unfaithful. That alone is just cause in God's eyes. :angel:
