Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 17 Jul, 2012 06:09 AM
BROTHER MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU REAL GOOD. TRULY ONE SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET ONE FREE.
MUCH YOKE AND BURDEN WE LAY ON THE IGNORANT MOST TIMES WITH OUR MESSAGES.
PROV. 11:9 SAYS: THROUGH KNOWLEDGE SHALL THE JUST(THOSE WHO KNOW THE RIGHT THING AND DO IT , LIVE IT) BE DELIVERED.
I PRAY THAT THE EYES OF MANY BELIEVERS WILL BE OPENED TO THE TRUTH.
I AM NOT IN ANY WAY ENCOURAGING DIVORCE...I EVEN PREACH AGAINST IT, BUT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE, EVEN IN MARRIAGE TOO. WHERE THERE IS NO PEACE...MAKING HEAVEN IS AN ELUSIVE DREAM.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 17 Jul, 2012 06:24 AM
BROTHER MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU REAL GOOD. TRULY ONE SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET ONE FREE.
MUCH YOKE AND BURDEN WE LAY ON THE IGNORANT MOST TIMES WITH OUR MESSAGES.
PROV. 11:9 SAYS: THROUGH KNOWLEDGE SHALL THE JUST(THOSE WHO KNOW THE RIGHT THING AND DO IT , LIVE IT) BE DELIVERED.
I PRAY THAT THE EYES OF MANY BELIEVERS WILL BE OPENED TO THE TRUTH.
I AM NOT IN ANY WAY ENCOURAGING DIVORCE...I EVEN PREACH AGAINST IT, BUT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE, EVEN IN MARRIAGE TOO. WHERE THERE IS NO PEACE...MAKING HEAVEN IS AN ELUSIVE DREAM.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 6 Aug, 2012 09:53 PM
Be it known: I'm not against divorce either as long as it's scriptural. Also Yahweh will even get rid of one who is causing us to go away from him or if they are an unrepentant idol worshipper = which is spiritual adultery. Yet what the word says will stand on those marriages that Yahweh joined together and those who willfully rebel with full knowledge to break those. However I'm only talking about true believers who are Israel in Yahweh's eyes. The Father judges those outside of the body but we judge wthin with the authority of Messiah those in the body. we have to guard against spots and wrinkles in the assembly. For Messiah is only coming back for a spotless bride. Those that got rid of their earthly husband and married another can't remarry their first husband and neither can they their heavenly husband. For the land will surely be defiled if so. We must make sure what we do is scriptural and not adultery=Idolatry.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 25 Aug, 2012 08:47 AM
Singer4u: "Those that got rid of their earthly husband and married another can't remarry their first husband and neither can they their heavenly husband."
What does God actually say on this matter? "They say, 'If a man divorces his wife, and she goes from him and become another man's, may he return to her again?' Would not the land be greatly polluted? But you have played the harlot with many lovers; yet return to Me," says the Lord.
"Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say: 'Return backsliding Israel,' says the Lord; I will not cause My anger to fall on you. For I am merciful,' says the Lord; I will not remain angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity, that you have transgressed against the Lord your God, and have scattered your charms to alien deities under every green tree, and have not obeyed my voice,' says the Lord.
"Return, O backsliding children," says the Lord; for I am married to you" (Jeremiah 3:1-3, 14).
Notice in the beginning of this passage the words, "They say." This quote is what others (man) say on the subject. But what does God say? "Return to Me"
Singer, you made the claim that someone who is guilty of committing spiritual or physical adultery cannot return to their heavenly husband (God) or their earthly husband (original spouse). That is not what God says. "Return, O backsliding children," says the Lord; for I am married to you" (Jeremiah 3:14)
What sets God apart from man is that God is merciful to the adulterer, while man is not.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Oct, 2012 05:00 AM
Wow, what a long thread. Took me a half hour just to scroll FAST through most of the 55 pages! (Based on a few smatterings of what I read withing 1st 10 pages -- all in Feb. 2012, I cannot take time to read all this dialog.) I just wanted to throw in something that could help clarify and maybe shed some further light. It's an article I have on my website dealing with this sticky subject of divorce and remarriage.
As for here, I'll only addrress Paul's original long post. I admire you for your humble willingness to backtrack on your former position and be willing to change your belief AND your attitude toward those (women) you had disagreed with. I, too, have had to make changes, both on this subject and others. Here's the relatively short article I wish to share with all:
(Btw, I didn't really know there was a forum here. I mostly only get views from Phillipinas, and my searches turn up almost noone. Never really found anyone. I suspect most folks are on the paying sites only. Guess ya get what ya pay for. Ha!)
But I hope some will enjoy and be enlightened by the article as was i.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 8 Jan, 2013 08:59 PM
I don't disagree with what you have said or at least it's entirety... But As a divorced person, and for biblical reasons as it were, two things I know.... One, God HATES divorce... period. It is so destructive on so many levels. I see the degradation of America as a result of divorce. My personal opinion is divorce is worse on children ALMOST ...read that word again, ALMOST than physical abuse. Our society has completely accepted divorce. It is amazing to me how many people will tell you divorce is like having a death in the family and the worst thing for children, so lets learn how to deal with it properly for the kids sakes. No, I say lets learn NOT to get divorced.The scripture talks about flesh being ripped from flesh. The pain that is caused by divorce can truly never be calculated and we keep perpetuating new generations who have developed an apathetic attitude to His word, His precepts, and His will for the Christian family.
In the few cases you stated... for instance, the lady who was beat. The bible instructs the husband to love as Christ loved the church. He did not do this. Does this mean we should divorce for that... IDK, maybe, that truly is a personal choice, but it is like no one ever thinks that it might be better to remove herself from the situation, and PRAY for her husband to first be reconciled to Christ, so that she could be reconciled to him. It is as if reconciliation is too difficult. We can't wait to jump into another relationship before giving GOD the opportunity to provide a miracle by restoring what "He brought together,"
My point is... Divorce is always the easy option and we as Christians should be looking to God who is the author and finisher of our faith and not to the legal system to fix out problems. Divorce has gotten WAY too easy for the the Christian....
That said, One thing I know is true, One thing for which I believe there is no debate. If Jesus is lord of our lives and we have confessed our sins, no matter what they are, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins ALL OUR SINS PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE. So then if God has forgotten and forgiven my sins, then why should I remember or even care what another persons "sins" were that lead them to the sin of divorce.... Make no mistake, DIVORCE IS SIN.... But JESUS IS GRACE. Whatever happened in anyones past, my question is going to be, how devoted are you to living and walking and shouting and dancing and forgiving and loving IN HIS GRACE.... now?
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jan, 2013 08:16 AM
tdp1969...Although you make some good points regarding easy divorce and its consequences on children, you do error in the following statement: "Make no mistake, DIVORCE IS SIN." Wait a minute. With that statement, you are heaping guilt and condemnation on people who are legitimately divorced in God's eyes. God has sanctioned divorce in the case of marital unfaithfulness (fornication, adultery), yet you say, "DIVORCE IS SIN." You are attributing a universal guilt to all divorced people, while at the same time allowing grace for yourself �. "But As a divorced person, and for biblical reasons." You justify your divorce while condemning others. It smacks of hypocrisy.
You state, "So then if God has forgotten and forgiven my sins, then why should I remember or even care what another persons "sins" were that lead them to the sin of divorce." According to your own words then, you should forgive your wife of her transgressions and be reconciled to her.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Jan, 2013 10:57 PM
I apologize if I did not make myself clear. Sin is sin. Divorce is sin, fornication is sin, gluttony, pride,... This has all been GREATLY covered in the previous posts. But I do not error. Mathew 19 clearly say It was not so in the beginning, meaning it was NEVER God's intent.
Fine then, I have defined sin.... It is lucky for us that Christ has defined forgiveness and Grace. I can not forgive my x-wife. It is impossible.... BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THROUGH THE SACRIFICE OF JESUS CHRIST.
At the end of the day, no matter what, sin DID separate us from God.. The blood of Jesus covers that sin.. Let me put it this way... Not taking care of widows and orphans is sin. yet that may be one of the most transgressed scriptures....So to is divorce. However, the same blood covers both sin. Past present and future. If you have somehow found a way to quit sinning after you were saved, then good on ya... But sin is only defined to show us our need for God. After accepting Jesus as lord and Saviour, then Satan tries to use the guilt of our sin to separate us from God. But when we quit focusing on the sin, and start to focus on our need for him, then we can quit having these silly debates and start loving Him and talking about Him instead of our past, or our sins. ...
So is Divorce sin? Absolutely. Is divorce covered by the blood of the lamb... absolutely. All sin is destructive, but divorce much like alcoholism tends to affect the children in a way that has had such devastating results, we look to other things to blame for the decimation of our society. SO FOR THAT REASON, it is my humble opinion, that we should try to reconcile ourselves to God to reconcile ourselves in our marriages as divorce has become the easy answer instead of prayer and perseverance. .
I don't know if I am making sense to you, But I think we agree more than we disagree. If you want to say divorce is not sin... fine, I guess then I don't have inclination to try to persuade you other wise.... Sin or not sin, Is the grace of God sufficient? Over and abundantly so.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 16 Jan, 2013 11:12 PM
OOOPPPPPSSSS, I am sorry, in my haste, I have made a mistake. You are right... Divorce in and of itself is not sin.....It is the subsequent relationships that invariably happens after the divorce. I have just lumped it all together. So if you have divorced and have not had any subsequent relationships, then you are right, divorce by itself is not sin.... But if you are on this website...(for the most part) then you are looking for the relationship that turns the divorce into sin. I know Mathew 19 gives a way out for adultery, but as I stated before, that was never God's intent. Moses allowed it "because of the hardness of your hearts"
I still stand by my statement, wether sin or not, God's Grace IS sufficient.
just FYI, my divorce would be considered "biblical," however, I recognize i made MANY sinful mistakes that helped facilitate my wife doing what she did. So I am in no way blameless, meaning I am just as guilty. I am just glad that Jesus has covered all my sins.
