Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 10:59 AM
"BobBobbins says, "Now please be sure to issue your standard verbose response to confuse all the readers.".. the only confusion the readers have here is in your hypocrisy."
Really??
Here are some messages that I have received privately about this post (two of these just yesterday) and they keep coming:
"Amen brother Bob" - thank you sister
and another...
"That guy Paul is a real control freak and I bet he wonders why he is single" - thank you sister. I am sure he has heard this many times before
and still another....
"You have been exposing his lies for days and he still won't give it up" - yes, I know - thank you brother.
and still another....
"can't he see that he is the one throwing the stones" (in reference to Paul)" - no, he can't, he is too blinded by his rage.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 11:05 AM
History
Posted : Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 09:49 AM
Singer4u says, "paul, does the police officer who is a believer turn the other cheek when he's struck? Does the soldier who is a believer turn the other cheek when he's fired upon?
Does a believing man turn the other cheek when his house is broken into and his family at risk? Does a man turn the other cheek while his 5 year old daughter is being molested and raped by another man?"
Singer4u, we are talking here about being PERSECUTED FOR YOUR FAITH? It's not about a police officer doing his job, or a soldier doing the same, nor protecting your loved ones from a predator. It's about how to react when you are being persecuted for your faith.
------------------------------------------------------------------------Yes paul, we are talking about doing our job. There are people who are jealous, just don't like you, think their girlfreind or boyfriend are interested in you and who will attack you for these reasons. It doesn't always have to do with our faith. I have had these things happen. I'm defending myself in these cases because the civil law gives me protections too. Paul the Apostle was struck on the mouth and being a Roman citizen he appelaed to caesar. If you were a Roman you could not be struck in public unless you had a hearing and proven guilty. The one who struck you could get the 39 lashes or worse. Therefore, we arent all called to be maryters. Some of us will be here alive when Yahushua comes and crushes the anti-christ armies like grapes. I have dependants and I protect them as well as me. I will turn the other cheek and have several times while witnessing yet if pursued after i offer that other cheek I will discern then what I will do. It won't be to let them murder me when my call and His Will for my life isn't finished. There is a balance to this all. The police officer and soldier and protector of the home is under this same command of turning the other cheek for yahweh is no respecter of persons. So the discern what to do in that time. If my family is with me when witnessing I am under the same unction to protect them out and about as when at home. I will not be counted worse than an infidel by not providing for my own=financially, physically.Spiritually, and Mentally. We are accountable to Yahweh for many other commands that can overlap this command too. We have to hear from the Holy Spirit then to know just what to do. I have been deliver from having to do this when witnessing. It didn't happen when someone attacked me for no reason or angry at me without a cause. i had to defend myself then just like when in school or in a bad neighborhood which I grew up in. Life is a course and it is full of choices and we must make our choices on the whole of the Word of Yahweh.
Singer4u says, "however, next time if you are out and have the guts to boldly witness and they knock you out or your teeth or try and murder you then you are going to just let them with no defense of yourself?"
"But even if you should SUFFER for righteousness sake, you are blessed" (1 Peter 3:14a)
"For it is better, if it is the will of God, to SUFFER for doing good than for doing evil" (1 Peter 3:18).
"But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him also" (Matthew 5:39). God's command is to be obeyed.
"And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, 'Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.' Then he knelt down and cried with a loud voice, 'Lord, do not charge them with this sin.' And when he has said this, he fell asleep" (Acts 7:59-60). Stephen obeyed.
"So they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name" (Acts 5:41). The apostles obeyed
"He was oppressed and He was afflicted; yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before his shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth" Isaiah 53:7). Jesus obeyed.
Singer4u says, "Sorry paul struggling with turning the other cheek has no commandment that the one guilty of it is breaking the law nor is it a damnable offence?" You blind hypocrite. You disobey Jesus' command and justify yourself. Are you saying disobeying Jesus' command is not a sin? Jesus said, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15). "The soul who sins shall die" (Ezekiel 18:20). You have broken His commandments not only here but also when you look lustfully on a woman. By your own words, you will be condemned. You said, "No I never lusted for another woman while married." By your own admission then, you have lusted after women BEFORE marriage and AFTER your marriage was over. You look lustfully after women, committing adultery in your mind. And somehow you think that you are immune to Jesus' Word: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). You, Singer4u, HAVE committed adultery!
You parade yourself on this forum as a servant of God, one who thunders against all adulterers with death and judgment. Yet you are GUILTY of the SAME sin. You blind hypocrite! Let the readers of this thread and those who sit under your teaching be warned:
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 11:13 AM
Pau said: "You see, I was once a Pharisee, a legalist, a stone thrower, ......., until God opened my eyes and showed me His nature of mercy and grace. I began to show mercy to women who divorced because they were physically beaten daily by their husbands. I began to show mercy to divorced women whose husbands were unrepentant pornographers who were guilty of committing adultery in their mind. And I began to show mercy to women who divorced because they had been mentally abused by their husbands until they prayed for death to escape. I threw down my stones and started showing mercy to these women, instead of beating on them with God's Word."
Kind of a sad thing really that you were so lacking in compassion in the first place. Now, you want a gold star and a brownie for finally getting it right.
However, I am not sure what this has to do with anything? I am also not sure why you need to parade your good deeds in front of men?
"Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 11:17 AM
paul, you need to admit you don't have all the answers and neither does teach ib. Yahweh and Yahushua have all the answers and we must and need to find out what they say=their full counsel on every mattert.
What a travesty it would be to think you are saved no matter what and then enter the next life having had qualified for one of the warning passages by violating its terms and be cast out of Yahweh's kingdom as he referred to outer darkness where the hypocrite goes. There is a balnce to the Word of Yahweh and the path for that is as He said
Straight and narrow is the way that leads to life and few find it.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 12:08 PM
Pau said: "You see, I was once a Pharisee, a legalist, a stone thrower, ......., until God opened my eyes and showed me His nature of mercy and grace. I began to show mercy to women who divorced because they were physically beaten daily by their husbands. I began to show mercy to divorced women whose husbands were unrepentant pornographers who were guilty of committing adultery in their mind. And I began to show mercy to women who divorced because they had been mentally abused by their husbands until they prayed for death to escape. I threw down my stones and started showing mercy to these women, instead of beating on them with God's Word."
Kind of a sad thing really that you were so lacking in compassion in the first place. Now, you want a gold star and a brownie for finally getting it right.
However, I am not sure what this has to do with anything? I am also not sure why you need to parade your good deeds in front of men?
"Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 01:50 PM
I found this posted on a blog today and just had to laugh :laugh:
I would like to share this with the readers as this is so relevant and timely.
"While I agree that legalism is a dangerous problem in the Church, most of the complaints I hear of late have more to do with reactionism than they do true legalism. Entire blogs are set up �warning� other Christians how they may spot legalistic churches or groups, or even how to judge whether or not a friend is a legalist. MOST OF THEIR COMPLAINTS AREN'T BASED ON SCRIPTURE OR REASON; most of their complaints are based upon their personal testimonies or experiences from when they, themselves, were legalists. (my comments: very interesting)
"To me, that�s the most disturbing part. Since when are we called to superimpose our own past sins or judgmental attitudes on others? If you were a legalist at some point in your life, and thought that anyone who (insert extra-biblical teaching here) was sinning, then OWN YOUR OWN SIN; but, don�t get it in your head that all your brothers and sisters in Christ who seem to �look like you did� on the outside have the same sinful mindset on the inside!" (my comments: yes, how do they know that we are just like them?? .. they falsely ASSUME)
AMEN! the author goes on to say:
"Legalism is real; and it is ugly. But if you are guilty of it, why not spend your time repenting, rather than reporting?"
Seems that some folks are so focused on finding and reporting on "legalists and stone throwers" that everywhere they turn they find another one. Yet, what do they ALWAYS do when they think they have found one? You got it: they make their own laws (legalism) in order to throw stones at them. :laugh:
blog quotes from Stacy McDonald at YourSacredCalling
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 07:22 PM
2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
8 Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;
9 Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,
10 But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:
11 Whereunto I am appointed a preacher, and an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.
12 For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
13 Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 2:11 It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him:
12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:
13 If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.
14 Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers.
15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
16 But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.
17 And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus;
18 Who concerning the truth have erred, saying that the resurrection is past already; and overthrow the faith of some.
19 Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 07:26 PM
1 Timothy 6:3 If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness;
4 He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings,
5 Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 07:29 PM
2 Timothy 2:11 It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him:
12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:
13 If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.
14 Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers.
15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
16 But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.
17 And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus;
18 Who concerning the truth have erred, saying that the resurrection is past already; and overthrow the faith of some.
19 Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
2 Timothy 2:23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.
