Thread: What came first - consummate marriage, or sex?
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What came first - consummate marriage, or sex?
Posted : 1 Jul, 2012 09:49 PM
I mean the following as part of our genuine desire to understand God's word. No troll intended.
Here's 1 Cor 6:15-17 (which comes before a passage mentioned in another thread, where a brain-wave struck):
"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, �The two will become one flesh." But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit."
This just occurred to me: what if that also means that such unity with a prostitute isn't premarital sex, but a marriage ceremony in itself, with the two becoming one flesh? Surely there's a reason why a marriage isn't said to be consummated (that, in a sense, it isn't complete) until those wedded are having sex. I remember that for Joseph, breaking off his engagement with Mary would have meant getting a divorce, yet that the unreached milestone mentioned in Matt. 1:18-19 alongside their marriage proper is their coming together.
One might say that for all the sex a Christian might have with a prostitute, there may be no marriage to make consummate in the first place. If, then, that's the case, how could sex between single Christians be a bad thing?
Maybe there isn't really such a thing as premarital sex. Maybe this matters, maybe it doesn't. Maybe I've missed something. Any thoughts?
If I may I would like to share another point of view. It is difficult to understand many passages in the New Covenant unless we understand the culture and G-d's plan from the First Covenant. Betrothal and marriage were two different ceremonies. First came the Betrothal ceremony between the couple with their families and the community as witnesses. The couple became promised (as married) but did not live together. Each went back to their own parents home. The woman prepared her household goods and her heart for her betrothed, the man returned to his fathers house to prepare a home for his wife. Usually about a year. He needed to add on a living space to his father's house and wait for his father to let him know when to go for his wife. The community never know the day or the hour except the father of the bridegroom. When the bridegroom knew he collected his friends and family....the women saw that and started to prepare the food for the celebration....and the procession to the bride began. The Bride seeing the activity knew he was coming and dressed with her friends to prepare. That ceremony was short and while the guests waited the couple went into the room the groom had prepared and consummated the marriage. The blood sealed the deal between the bride and the bridegroom. If there was no blood and the daughter-in-law had favor with her mother-in-law, she provided blood on the sheet and displayed it for the community supporting the union. So to answer the question the ceremony of marriage comes first then the sexual union comes about a year later which consummates the marriage. Can anyone see the life of Yeshua (Jesus) in the betrothal and marriage, ie his first and second coming? The couple then go to the mikva (pool of water) and immerse themselves to go from one life to another ( this is done before the ceremony at each home also). Today in the Jewish community the betrothal and wedding ceremony is combined as they were worried that they would not live long enough because of persecution. With your permission I would like to share more?
A man's seed shared with a woman he is not betrothed or married to is an entirely different issue. The seed of a man is part of the creation of G-d and is considered holy and precious. It is to be protected and not given just anywhere. When he shares this very essence of creation it is to produce life and not spilled or destroyed.
When that seed of creation is shared outside of it's intended place or outside of marriage, with one paid for sexual pleasure it becomes "unclean or unholy" for that is not the place of creation. That oneness of the bride and the bridegroom coming together are one is in the marriage bed under covenant relationship. That is the contract in covenant they signed upon marriage. Without that contract within covenant one is offering him or herself to another fraudulently. When one engages in this violation he or she leaves part of their being with one outside of covenant relationship and then not offer true oneness with one's spouse. Pre marital sex with a future wife still offers oneness without covenant and you defraud each other.
There are many things we have not been taught and the consequences.
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1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Physically, you do not belong to yourself exclusively! If you are single, you belong to the one you are going to marry. And, even though you may not know that person, they have authority over your body. It is of such seriousness (see Deuteronomy 22), it can lead to the defrauding of that person. What is wrong with sex in this case is the timing. It is to wait until it is within the marriage bond.
Seeing I Thessalonians 4:3-8 in this light, part of our responsibility as Christians is purity within our relationships. We are responsible to control ourselves ("possess his vessel") in an honorable way without lust or wrong desire. We also have to make sure we do not "go beyond"�cross the line�and defraud or cheat anyone in this matter.
The essence of what Paul is saying here is that even before a man is married, he can cheat his future spouse out of something! A man can be cheated out of the experience of completely sharing himself with a woman, who is in turn completely sharing herself with him, in a way neither of them has experienced before. Even if a man is not yet married, in essence he already "belongs" to the woman that he will eventually marry, and vice versa for the woman. Even when not married, we have to conduct ourselves as though we are!
It is clear, then, that a man's body belongs to his spouse�whether current or future. This is the principle behind the many warnings against physical promiscuity. But it can go even further than that:
Imagine a young man who is determined to remain physically pure, and yet shares the rest of himself�his emotions, specifically�with every girl he meets. Every girl in the county knows his hopes, fears, dreams, the innermost workings of his mind. When he marries, he will have shared everything about himself except his body. How would his wife feel, knowing that all the other girls had already "experienced" him in all but the sexual act?
In the same way, imagine a young lady who remains physically pure but shares her emotions with all the young men she meets. She will have shared parts of her innermost being, things that really belong to her future husband. This is one reason why God tells us, "Keep [guard] your heart with all diligence" (Proverbs 4:23)!
It is just as easy to be emotionally promiscuous as physically promiscuous, if not more so. And the dangers are significant: continually forming emotional bonds, only later to break them; make them again with someone else, then break them; make them, break them. It will not take long before emotional calluses begin to develop, and a person is unwilling to share him/herself anymore because of the inevitable pain that results. When these calluses develop, it is very difficult for any future relationship to be anywhere near as fulfilling as what God intends.
I Thessalonians 4:6 begins to take on an even deeper meaning when we consider that a basic definition of the word "defraud" is "to promise something one cannot or does not intend to deliver." Today, many practice flirting. Along the same lines as emotional promiscuity, this kind of defrauding promises�either blatantly guaranteeing or merely appearing to�one's emotions, commitment, affections, etc., without meaning to or being able to follow through. Flirting gives the appearance of interest, or it may even be genuine interest, where one cannot follow through with his "promises."
In the modern game of flirting, for example, a young man may behave in a manner that does not match up with his true intent. If he is demonstrating in his actions that a certain girl is the one (and only one) for him, yet is unprepared or refuses to follow through with that process, the girl has been defrauded or cheated. The man has been "promising" an emotional bond without following through. No wonder the Bible says, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing" (Proverbs 31:30)!
If we consider that individually we belong to our present or future spouse (physically and emotionally), we can see that certain actions are far from the ideal. That is, if it is inappropriate for a man to interact with a woman in a certain way if he were married to another, it is most likely still inappropriate even if he is not yet married.
This same principle applies on the spiritual level, and the stakes are much higher. Proverbs 19:14 tells us that a prudent (sensible, understanding) wife is a gift from God. When we apply this to the New Covenant church, it reiterates that it is God that chooses who will be a part of the Bride for His Son. God the Father will be faithful to provide a wife that is prudent, sensible, etc., for His Son.
I couldn't agree more that ideally the 'public affirmation' bit of getting married comes with, if not before, sex. That consummation seems to be regarded in this context as a part of the ceremony fleshes out some of what other people have posted here, too. And yeah...Mark 2:19-20, for a start :D.
"If you are single, you belong to the one you are going to marry." That's what I'm looking for as well - more points of view! And the passages that that principle is tested with show consistency with it! Wow! Yet, I'm not sure how the idea is taken or proven from that scripture. The 1 Corinthians passage speaks of the situation within marriage, not before it. The author's "It is clear, then... [from 1 Thes. - Bloodnok]" comes after "Seeing I Thessalonians 4:3-8 in this light...". I've peeked at the articles that these ideas come from, and I can't see the author showing where the idea springs from. I don't want to discount it just because of that, so any more evidence is very welcome.
Again, thanks for posting that, and sorry for my late response!
I must say; with all due respect and fear of being disrespectful to you...
I knew you were Jewish not because of WHAT you wrote but HOW you answered it. I just recently went into your profile to confirm it. And well, you are here on this site which does not surprise me that you are Messianic. It brings a smile to my face.
I am also going to say that I was taught very well to respect my elders and I do so with pride. Which brings me to say that you are a prime example of a woman of God. (I've read your responses)
Now with all due respect, since this is BLOODNOK'S post
(sorry my brother). :laugh:
; I invite you to the ��FORUM: SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT SOMEONE�� candlelight46
