This is in response to those of you who state that you categorically will not date/marry someone who has been divorced.
In about 100 years time (and forward!) we can discuss this face to face with love for one another, both of us with a much wiser understanding and I know that not everything is clear cut this side of the pearly gates (including a person's heart, fear and motivation)! None of us will be married then (even the ones happily married now!), but we shall ALL be His Bride! My question is concerning this stance while we are still here on earth (when we marry mere mortals)...
While I do not dismiss your right to ANY preference you wish, I note that often your stance is followed by a statement about 'a faith not tested cannot be trusted' and believing in 'the school of hard knocks'. May I put forth to you that SOME people who are divorced have lived this exactly! For some, divorce is for impatient and selfish reasons, true, but that is not a blanket truth about everyone who is divorced.
For instance, I married a man who was in training for the ministry. He quit within a month after we got married (I was 20) and over the next 8 years had 12 affairs and slept with two hookers. He was verbally and physically abusive and snubbed our daughter to the point of affecting her own spiritual view of our Heavenly Father. I have since then raised her on my own, teaching her to trust in God for everything including peace and happiness. I was a virgin when I got married and I have not slept with another man in all these years.
I don't believe that God has dismissed me because I divorced. I don't believe that He has said, "You can lie, steal, murder, gossip, be a drunk, sleep with someone outside of marriage, choose the world instead of Me and I will forgive you and give you a second chance,... but divorce and - though I will let you into heaven at the end of your natural life - you will be a living example all your days to everyone and I will despise you!"
He has blessed me in SO many ways since that painful and degrading period of my life... how could that even possibly be true? He LOVES me!! He has called me His Bride!! :yay:
I know not all stories of divorce are the same, but it is not the unforgivable sin. I'm just saying that God can redeem anyone. Please don't dismiss someone because of something they graduated from in the school of hard knocks! Glorify God together with them, as your Brother or Sister! He has taken that which was discarded and redeemed it for His kingdom!
I have to admit, when I was younger I avoided 'divorced' people as well. I assumed both people were at fault and didn't value marriage very well. It wasn't until I went through the experience myself that I learned this wasn't the case for a lot of people. I don't think Christian teachings about marriage have kept pace with the reality of what's happening today.
In this day and age, a divorce can be one sided (no-fault). In other words, it only takes one to end a marriage...for ANY reason. In my case, my spouse was unfaithful, and even though I wanted to save the marriage, she ended it. Am I at fault because I couldn't stop the divorce? I know some people who have lived together without marriage for years, and if they ever split up, they can be "single, never-married" again. So apparently, those of lesser values are more apt to be better matches than those who wear the 'divorced' label?
People are free to choose who they want to meet. But please don't assume there's something 'inferior' or 'different' about a person just because they had been married before. My 'marriage' was short (less than 2 years), but I still have a lot of new experiences to share, and am not "missing" anything that I had before I was married.
know some people who have lived together without marriage for years, and if they ever split up, they can be "single, never-married" again. So apparently, those of lesser values are more apt to be better matches than those who wear the 'divorced' label?
I would say someone had a problem with a real committment of marriage here. I would not want to date any man who lived with a woman for Years.
So, to some they view this a bad character. Especially
if you are a Christian, you wouldnt want anyone that committed fornication over and over for Years.
There are only three reasons why one may divorce and remarry.
In case of unfaithfulness:
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. Matt 5:31
In case of unbeliever leaving due to difference in faith:
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? 1 Cor 7:10-16
In case of violence, abuse and abandonment:
13 And this is the second thing you do:
You cover the altar of the LORD with tears,
With weeping and crying;
So He does not regard the offering anymore,
Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.
14 Yet you say, �For what reason?�
Because the LORD has been witness
Between you and the wife of your youth,
With whom you have dealt treacherously;
Yet she is your companion
And your wife by covenant.
15 But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 � For the LORD God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one�s garment with violence,�
Says the LORD of hosts.
� Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.�
17 You have wearied the LORD with your words;
Yet you say,
� In what way have we wearied Him?�
In that you say,
� Everyone who does evil
Is good in the sight of the LORD,
And He delights in them,�
Or, �Where is the God of justice?�
Malachi 2:13-17
He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
"What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Mark 10:9
HOWEVER who is to say through prayer the conditions might not change? This is based on your spiritual level. The choice of forgiveness is yours.
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful Luke 6:36
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14
If one have divorced before one is a Christian, all past sins have been washed. Just don't do it again. "go and sin no more," Jesus said.
If one is already in a complicated relationships, one MUST choose one before becoming a Christian and let everyone else leave, most likely one's legal spouse, specially if the spouse is already a Christian.
Christians divorce all of the time. This bothers me. It is the first question i contemplate when seeing that on someone's profile. I believe God forgives thoroughly when we repent and He gives second, third, 1000th chances.
My main question is who did the divorcing and why?
Then i ask myself, am i any better than your ex whom you thought was so awful? If this is too painful to answer then you are probably not ready to date. If you place all the blame on your ex, then you are probably not ready to date.
Every successful marriage i've seen had problems, but they were encouraged to work through the problems.
Abuse comes in all degrees. My ex thought i was abusing her when i was angry that she ran up the credit cards.I was by no means perfect either.
In order to move forward, some of your past needs to be dealt with. And, unless you deal sufficiently with your past then you will most likely make the same mistakes with a different partner.
Some think that they were justified to get a divorce. Maybe so, but maybe not. I think the tell tale sign is were you listening to God or to your own emotions when you filed divorce papers?
Divorce is not the unforgiveable sin. Christians have biblical reasons to get divorced but many times they don't follow that, They are still forgiven, but may be subjected to God's discipline. Christ's grace covers our ex's who are in Christ, thank God. They maynot have made wise choices, but which one of us is perfect?
I was married to a man who was a pastor. he got in trouble for seducing the young boys and a young girl, yet many turned against me saying God said I had no right to ever re-marry. Still I find that many feel divorcees are easy or cheap. I follow God and always will. We were just reading in the kjv about re-marriage and it was very interesting. Yes, God does not hold a brother or sister in bondage if the man leaves you, cheats on you, disregards God and hurts, tries to kill you, etc. A pastor wrote to me saying he was saying what God told him to and that he also told women on THIS site that even if their sposes, or current tried to kill them, seduced their children, etc. it was their cross to bear that they would burn in hell forever and I went BACK to my former spouse and he almost killed me and my kids! he told me I do not WANT a Godly wife. That he lied to me and had NEVER loved me, that no one ever could love me, that I was fat, lazy, ugly and unattractive. He attacked and beat me in my stomache trying to kill our unborn child. I cannot have anymore children now. I am slowly healing and wanetd to say I support what you say. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SISTER! And Jesus does too! God love and bless and keep you. Always!!!:applause:
Getting divorced for reasons of sexual indiscretions is legit according to the Word. When one breaks the covenant and union that one has broken it but the other has not so the loyal one is permitted to remarry. To the guy who quoted Jesus as saying "Moses permitted it but Jesus says anyone who remarries after divorce without reason of sexual infidelity" I say this......Jesus also said "If your brother sins against you 7 times and 7 times he comes to repent of each transgression you shall forgive him"......would Jesus hold us to such a standard that He Himself would not abide by for us? I doubt it. He is willing to do the same for us. A pattern of divorce for trivial reasons is one thing, but a sin/mistake that one has made as an unbeliever with no foundation that is repented of and then the person seeks after God's will.....is much different.
Right on! Yahushuah the messiah said this is Matthew 19 and people say its not the unpardonable sin or its not worse than lying or stealing etc. However divorce is the generic term they use when the issue is adultery by defiant act or defiant unscriptural remmarriage. Adultery was punishable by stoning and decieved people always say well at least I'm still going to heaven. However according to Yahushuah it is a salvation issue for Revelation 21 vs 8 says they won't be in the kingdom! However let Yahushuah be true and every man a liar! Knowing the truth will set you free notthe truth. Thanks for your stand brother and bringing messiah glory by your unashamed stand for the truth!!!
