Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:29 PM
Paul wrote:
"Now I want to ask you something very personal. If your wife truly repented of her sins and came back to Jesus with all her heart, and then came to you and asked for your forgiveness, would you forgive her?"
�We should forgive someone even if they don't ask for the forgiveness. �This act frees us...keeps out the bitterness and anger which are sins.
Matthew 18:21-22�Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Luke 17:1-5
1 Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!�
2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.�
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:31 PM
Bob wrote:
"It is an all too common error in churches these days to teach that Yahweh loves everybody. "
Either John 3:16-18 are true or lies...
John 3:16�For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
Matthew 5:43-44�Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Luke 14:25-26�And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, 26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
Verse 26 does not mean we are to hate our family...it means we should love God so much that it appears we hate our family
Bob wrote: 'As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.' Rom 9:13 - which illustrates God's hatred for individuals by name'
Esau was in the history books when this statement was made.�
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:32 PM
What is hate? �I would say hate is the absence of love. �What is love? �God is love.
1 John 4:7�Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.�
8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.�
9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.�
10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.�
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
�13 Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.
�14 And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.�
15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.�
16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.�
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.�
19 We love him, because he first loved us.
20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?�
21 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.
1John 5:1 Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him.�
2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.�
3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.�
4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.�
5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
6 This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth.�
7 For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one.
So the three witnesses that bear record for me are stated here in 1 John 5:7
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:33 PM
I wrote:
"If you are unsure that you have biblical grounds for remarriage then consult your pastor.
Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall:�but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety."
Singer wrote:
"Yes well this is true except the ask your pastor bit!!!"
"Don't look to a man's teaching or your own experiences unless they line up with scripture!!!!"
"I want to point out to you that the bible scholars=yes scholars-"
"Teach ib, I liked Dan Corner's teaching it was a good refutation and I don't even know him. "
Singer, I find it contradictory to advise someone to not talk to their pastor yet you consult "scholars" and men, like Dan Corner, whom you don't even know.
Pastors/elders/etc are God's leaders of His flock. �The Bible instructs us to seek counsel. �So based on your guidance to not follow the Bible in this instance, you are showing how you pick and choose which verses you observe.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:34 PM
I wrote: �"There are no easy answers as there are disagreements by leaders within churches and denominations. I know of one congregation with three leaders each having different views..."
Singer wrote: "Do you realize that pastors don't agree on the same thing doctrinally????
People will get a different answer from them based on denomination and their own character!"
Singer, do you read the Bible as closely as you read these posts? �If so, I can see how you miss important points.
Singer wrote: "Don't look to a man's teaching or your own experiences unless they line up with scripture!!!!"
My observation is you only look at man's teachings that line up with your point of view. �I prefer to let the Bible speak for itself as much as possible; hence the lengthy citation of verses to show context. �I have repeatedly stated that everyone should read and search the Scriptures on their own.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:35 PM
Singer wrote:�"My point: Salvation is a free gift but we have to endure til the end to be saved as Yahshua said!"
Salvation is:
1.a. Preservation or deliverance from destruction, difficulty, or evil.
b. A source, means, or cause of such preservation or deliverance.
2. Christianity
a. Deliverance from the power or penalty of sin; redemption.
b. The agent or means that brings about such deliverance.
Saved means:
1.a. To rescue from harm, danger, or loss.
b. To set free from the consequences of sin; redeem.
2. To keep in a safe condition; safeguard.
3. To prevent the waste or loss of; conserve.
So salvation is a free gift only if I endure to the end? �That's not what the Bible says.
Romans 10:13 for whosever shall call upon the name of the Lord SHALL be saved.
Matthew 19:25-26�When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved? 26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
Luke 7:50�And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.
Luke 18:42-43�And Jesus said unto him, Receive thy sight: thy faith hath saved thee. 43 And immediately he received his sight, and followed him, glorifying God: and all the people, when they saw it, gave praise unto God.
John 10:9�I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.
Acts 2:21�And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Acts 15:11�But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved, even as they.
Acts 16:30-31�And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? 31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:36 PM
Romans�5
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:�
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.�
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
�4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
�5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.�
7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.�
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.�
9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
�10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
�11 And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.
12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:�
13 (For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law.�
14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam's transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.
�15 But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.�
16 And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification. 17 For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)
18 Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.�
19 For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.
20 Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:�
21 That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.
I see nowhere in any of these verses or others that say to keep the free gift, I have to do anything. �If God said it is eternal life, He's not going to change it otherwise that would make God a liar.
Eternal: .
1. Being without beginning or end; existing outside of time.�
2. Continuing without interruption; perpetual.
3. Forever true or changeless: eternal truths.
4. Seemingly endless; interminable.�
5. Of or relating to spiritual communion with God, especially in the afterlife.
Everlasting:
1. Lasting forever; eternal.
2.a. Continuing indefinitely or for a long period of time.
b. Persisting too long; tedious: everlasting complaints.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:37 PM
Matthew 18:17�And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Singer you wrote: �"Yahushua said to count them as an unbeliever!"
Yes, Jesus said to count them as an unbeliever, He did NOT say they were an unbeliever. �This verse means if someone will not heed the admonish of the church, then they should be removed from fellowship as we are taught not to have fellowship with unbelievers. �This does NOT mean we can't associate with sinners, quite the opposite, we need to seek out sinners to help them come to the saving knowledge of Jesus.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:38 PM
The example for conducting church services on Sunday instead of the Sabbath was from the disciples, including Paul:
Acts 20:7�And upon the first day of the week, when the disciples came together to break bread, Paul preached unto them, ready to depart on the morrow; and continued his speech until midnight.
1 Corinthians 16:1-2
1 Now concerning the collection for the saints, as I have given order to the churches of Galatia, even so do ye. 2 Upon the first day of the week let every one of you lay by him in store, as God hath prospered him, that there be no gatherings when I come.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 08:41 PM
Singer wrote: "However. I don't mind doing that to willful adulterers though who did it to their believing innocent mate because they will reap what they sowed just as just as the word says! If they repent they can come back but they can't bring adultery=their sin with them. Then they will get mercy when they repent!"
Romans 12:19-21�Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. 21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
John 8:10-13�When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
Jesus showed this woman mercy and it is not recorded that she repented.
Mercy:
1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.
2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy.
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.
