I am a young trainee pastor/minister, and one of the young people that I have come into contact with during my training, and whom I now consider to be a friend, (we are both about 24/25) recently told me that he was sharing a bed with his partner, but that they had never had sex with each other. He then proceeded to ask me if this was okay, because they were not having sex.
I told him that I, personally, thought that it was NOT okay, because of the mindset of the people in the church if they found out about them sharing a bed, they would ignore the not having sex part. I also said that it was not, in my personal opinion, okay because it goes against the part of the Lord's prayer where was ask for protection from temptation - and I feel that god says he will only protect if we don't put ourselves in stupid situations, and, as such, even though they are not having sex, the temptation to have sex is always there as long they are living in the same house, let alone sharing the same bed.
My friend said that he thought I was being a bit harsh upon him. IS this so? Was i harsh in telling him not to sleep in the same bed with his girlfriend? even though they are not having sex with each other?
So this is where advice comes in with answers to these questions, if you woudl be so kind: -
- Was I too harsh on my friend?
- If so, what approach should I have taken?
- Is there anyway I could have done this differently, without seeming harsh, even if i wasn't harsh?
Ahead of time, thanks, because your answers shall help me with my future ministry, so a huge thank you to all who shall respond.
No...this new friens Asked your view/opinion an you gave a Truthful answer an Biblical dirrection. All answers to Livin a God filled an Rightious life are found in the Word of God. The Bible...
- If so, what approach should I have taken?
I believe your approach was with Love an Concern for this person...right on the Mark !!!...
- Is there anyway I could have done this differently, without seeming harsh, even if i wasn't harsh?
The only other point that could have been made...IMO...is the mention of each person that is a Christain is on a wonderful journey...an each person will have choices an conseqences if any while on that journey...may we choose wisely in all our endevors in life...Friends like you are priceless...God Bless you an yours today an always...xo
No you were not too harsh on him. To willingly put yourself into that kind of temptation is just plain stupid. But I don�t want to sound pious and oh so holy because I can�t say that if put in his situation I would do any better that is why we need friends, like you, to watch out for us. We must all watch out for each other and hold each other accountable. Because no mater how spiritually mature we think we are we can still be tempted by our youthful lust. That is why Paul told Timothy to flee youthful lust. You did the right thing and one day your friend will recognize that.
Harsh or not, you did the right thing. The world needs more Christians like you..not afraid to say what needs said. You friend came to you probably out of guilt. Hoping you would tell him it was okay and when you didn't he felt betrayed and therefore it seemed harshed. I have a friend that had his girlfriend move in with him and he gave her his bed and he slept on the couch but then her guilt took over and allowed him to sleep in the bed as well and the next thing you know she's pregnant. Now they are are married and have a beautiful little boy and they have a good relationship but still, the way it came about is in my opinion unadvisable. I think you did the right thing!
Let me encourage you with a long story made short.
Years ago God put one of my brother's friends on my heart. His name was Adrian. I prayed for him every day for a week. I asked that God give him a dream that moved him. The very next night he had that dream and guess what? He called me the next day. I ministered to him and brought him to church. He gave his heart to Christ and was so happy for a few months. He went to church regularly and wanted to lear about God.
After about 3 months or so he started to get really lonely. I advised him lovingly to stay single for a while so that he has time to grow. You have to understand, this guy was a womanizer, drug addict and before he got saved an overall nasty person. All he wanted all the time was sex.
I was in this place at the time where I was learning (or trying to) how to deal with people with love without tearing them apart. (a trait that I'm still learning) I was raised in a very religous church and the importance of the rules seemed to superceed the relationship. (in the church)
I wanted to show him love and not to make him feel like a horrible person so I went easy on him . . . way too easy. He gave in to his desire and got with a girl who was not a christian and fell away from God and the church. I know this is not my fault but I wonder had I been a little more stern maybe I could have made him listen.
About 2 yrs ago he was stabbed in a mugging and died. He was only 26. Again, not my fault, but I wonder where he went.
The point is simple, when you're pointing someone in the right direction always do it in love but not without leaving them with a real understanding of the consequences.
Just to be clear, I am NOT trying to start a discussion about the merit of "once saved always saved" philosophy. I do not believe in that at all and only God can convince me otherwise . . . nobody that responds to this forum is God so save it for your friends who want to feel like they can do whatever they want regardless of right, wrong or morality and still go to Heaven.
(told you I was still working on the truth with love thin, lol)
