A number of years ago I was taught to write up a contract. In the contract I was to determine the boundary lines of what I thought was expectable behavior in a relationship and what I thought was unacceptable behavior.
The point is that its relatively easy to just say that I am committed to not having sex until after marriage, but how should a person define sex. Maby you say that is an easy question to answer, sex is having intercourse with the other person and if there is no penetration then there has been no foul committed? So does that make oral sex between unmarried people acceptable?
The underlying issue that I think needs to be dealt with is, "at what level of sexual purity can I maintain and honestly say to my future wife that I have tried to do as 1 Thessalonians 5:22 (reject every kind of evil)
So in attempts to try to answer your question in a direct manor "under most circumstances I would not suggest that unmarried people sleep together" I suppose the exception to that would be if the girl and I were in some survival situation.
I think that its a good idea to think of all girls as married, now what would or would you not do with your girlfriend if she was married?
Some people see the Bible as a rule book that God gave us because He doesn't believe in fun. In actuality, God's word is like a blueprint. We can choose to live by it and have the best life we can possibly have while still living in a sinful world or we can live our own way and watch it all fall apart. He covers everything from sex and eating habits, to how we should handle our money and every thing He says is for OUR benefit.
His words on marriage are an extension of that, how to have the best marriage possible. God made sex to act as a special bond that a man and a woman would only share with the person who they are to be closest to next to God. While it's not everything in marriage, it is an integral part of it and is one of the many things God intended to strengthen marriages.
I'm a virgin by choice because I want to only share that connection with the man I marry, but as it's been pointed out, many people haven't had that choice, either because it was taken from them or because they didn't know God. However, when we except God's gift of salvation, we can choose to start living according to that blueprint. No, someone can't regain their virginity, but they can have a pure heart under the blood of Jesus who washes our sins away and makes us white as snow. They can then keep themselves pure for the person who they will marry. So whether you are looking for your first marriage or your next one, the big question is do you want it built according to God's blueprint or the world's. The numbers all agree that the world's blueprint for marriage seldom produces stable or happy results.
No one said that living by God's blueprint is easy, but in the end, it is stronger and more stable than anything that is built without it.
When the Bible uses the word virgin, it refers to an unmarried person who has not had sexual relations (see Esther 2:2 and Revelation 14:4). In today�s culture, many people use the word virginity to express sexual purity; however, many others use a technical definition to find loopholes in moral standards, limiting the word to mean only �the condition of never having gone all the way��thus, a couple can do anything and everything short of sexual intercourse and still technically call themselves �virgins.� This is an unprofitable word game. Chastity should affect the heart, mind, and soul, not just certain body parts.
The Bible�s emphasis is not so much on a technical or medical definition of virginity as it is on the condition of a person�s heart. The morality we espouse and the actions we choose give evidence of our heart�s condition. The Bible�s standard is clear: celibacy before marriage and monogamy after marriage.
There are three serious reasons to save sex for marriage. First, as believers, we are to obey what God tells us to do. First Corinthians 6:18�20 states, �Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.� If we are in Christ, He has purchased us with the sacrifice of His life. He calls the shots, and we are to honor Him.
The second reason is that we are to fight our spiritual battles wearing the breastplate of righteousness (Ephesians 6:14). We are in a contest between our new nature in Christ and our fleshly desires. First Thessalonians 4:3�7 says, �It is God�s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.� Allowing your body (rather than the Spirit) to control your actions is an act of defiance against God. Godly, loving sex between a husband and wife is giving and unselfish. Using someone to fulfill a desire of the flesh is self-centered and abusive. Even if the partner is willing, you are still helping him or her to sin and negatively altering that person�s relationship with God and others.
The final reason involves the �mystery� of marriage (Ephesians 5:31). When God spoke of two people being joined as one, He was referring to something we�re only beginning to understand in a real, physiological way. When two people are intimate, the hypothalamus in the brain releases chemicals that induce feelings of attachment and trust. Having sex outside of marriage results in a person forming an attachment and trusting someone with whom he or she does not have a committed relationship. The definition of trust in the mind deteriorates. To have that kind of link with someone without the security of working together toward God is dangerous. Two individuals who are�even mildly�physiologically obsessed with each other but not committed to growing in God as a couple can be torn from God and His plans for them.
Conversely, if two people make a conscious, deliberate choice to commit to each other in marriage, and then allow the intimacy that releases these chemicals, the body can reaffirm the connection the mind has made. The physiological feelings of trust and attachment are reinforced by the reality of the relationship. In this way, two people become one physically, and that reflects what God has done spiritually.
Marriage is to model the relationship between the church and Christ. A married couple is to serve God in a strong, unified partnership. Sex, along with procreation, was designed by God to strengthen that partnership. Sex outside of marriage creates bonds that tear apart people�s hearts instead of joining them together.
Finally, we need to remember a few things about virginity, and the lack thereof, given God�s grace. Those who come to Christ after engaging in premarital sexual relationships are not virgins; however, they are fully cleansed by Christ at the moment they are saved. God can redeem anyone, and He can heal those who have indulged their fleshly lusts. And, in the horrible case of a woman victimized by sexual abuse or rape, who may feel that she, through no fault of her own, no longer measures up to the ideal standard of �virginity,� Christ is able to restore her spirit, heal her brokenness, and grant her wholeness. :)
I am and thank God everyday coz its only by God's Grace I still am.
Until very recently I was open to dating a non virgin but God has placed it in my heart my husband will be a virgin too....This is because I wrote my husband several letters about 10 years ago telling him how I am waiting and know he is waiting for me too....To some people it might seem like just a letter but to me it was a prayer to God and will want to give the letters to him on our wedding day.
Another reason I have faith I will marry a virgin is because back in my days at university, I had a period where I was lost for almost a year....I was not out there partying, drinking or doing drugs but was lonely and hang our with 2 different guys at different times and I found myself in a room with them, naked but for some reason nothing happened and we stopped coz God would not let it happen and I believe my husband wherever he is was also praying for me....Thats why I say its a miracle I'm still a virgin but only by God's Grace
Some never really get a choice or chance of their own to save it. I know someone who is 46 and she's still saving herself. Can only root her on in this day, age and culture where human sexuality is used to market and sell.
Whomever here reading this - if you still have your virginity, it's nothing to scoff at and no one who truly knows Jesus is looking down upon you.
If there is anyone here who never had a choice - pray to God for a mental renewal and mental refresh/cleansing such that you can choose who you give your holy temple to anew in the sacred bond of marriage.
You know I almost want to say being a virgin is something to be proud of, pride is just mostly associated with the adversary.
