Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 2 Feb, 2012 11:28 PM
Thanks to a question about divorce and remarriage posted on another thread, I felt the need to address those on this site who may be suffering from the weight of guilt and condemnation heaped on them because of their reasons for divorce.
I wrote the following article, "The Stone Thrower", based on actual instances that happened on this site. If you are one of those who have been ostracized by others for having an "Unbiblical Divorce," please take the time to read. May it minister to your heart.
The Stone Thrower
I want to touch on a subject today that has long been regarded in Christendom as taboo . . . and that is . . . DIVORCE. Mention that word around some Christians and their hackles suddenly go up on the back of their neck. They pull out their proverbial stones ready to put to death anyone who they think has been un-biblically divorced. And to my shame, I was one of them�a stone thrower.
We all know the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3-11. The scribes and Pharisees (the religious self-righteous) had arrested this woman and dragged her before Jesus. One has to wonder how these Pharisees caught such a woman "in the very act" of adultery. How convenient for them. It's amazing the depths of depravity the self-righteous will sink to in order to defend their religious arguments. Did they have the paparazzi spy on her to get some juicy pictures for the whole world to see?
At any rate, they dragged this poor woman in front of Jesus and proudly proclaimed, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" (John 8:5)
Zowie!! These men can quote the Word of God . . . at least the parts that suit their fancy.
I like our Lord's reaction. "But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear" (John 8:6b).
Don't you just love it when someone ignores you . . . especially when you're trying to win an argument? But the self-righteous rarely lie down without a fight, and those religious Pharisees were determined to prove that they had the "truth." So they continued pestering Jesus, knowing that the Law of Moses was on their side. It's not a good idea to pester Jesus, especially when it comes to "pointing a finger" at someone.
"So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.' And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning from the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst" (John 8:7-9).
This introductory story of the woman caught in adultery has a purpose: I wanted you to have a glimpse of the mentality of a "stone thrower." They are usually self-righteous, ready to condemn, and can quote the Word of God. Ouch . . . I just described me.
I had a clear cut answer for the reasons one might give to justify divorce which I thought was quite Biblical. And in my mind, there was only one reason . . . "But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). There you have it�plain and simple. Who could argue with such a statement? It is the Word of God! I thought I had the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth . . . yet the truth is . . . I was ignorant of the ways of God. "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).
And it was in my ignorance to God's ways that I threw stones at the divorced ladies on a Christian dating site some time ago. As a widower, I was on this site looking for a prospective wife. I was so appalled at the amount of women who were divorced on this site whose reasons for separating from their husbands did not match my view of scripture. In order to protect myself from these "contaminated souls," I purposely wrote something in my profile for those that I would consider as wife material: "You may be single, widowed, or divorced (must be for Biblical reasons only)."
When I would communicate with these divorced ladies, I would immediately ask them to provide details on the reason for their divorce. If they could not give me an answer of infidelity as the reason for their divorce, then I considered them unmarriageable. Yet God has a way of grabbing His child's attention when that child is in error.
One of the ladies on this dating site told me her story of divorce after I demanded it. Her husband was deep in bondage to pornography and had no interest whatsoever in repentance. The man had not physically hopped into bed with another woman, and so in my self-righteousness, I condemned the poor wife for wanting to opt out on the marriage. And the "stones" that I threw created fresh wounds in her heart while she recounted those painful memories of her husband's infidelity as he lusted after porn. According to Jesus' own words, her husband WAS GUILTY of adultery: "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I ignored that scripture and concentrated only on Matthew 5:32. She lashed out at me, saying that she was glad Jesus did not condemn her even if I did. I have to admit, I was shaken by her story which moved me to tears.
Then there was another lady whom I demanded to give an account for her divorce. I threw "stones" at her as well when she could not give me a reason of infidelity for her separation. In bitter anger, she struck back at me, stating how her husband had broken her nose and physically abused her. I ignored the scripture which reads, "But God has called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15b) and concentrated again on Matthew 5:32. However, her story bothered me very much just like the other woman's.
I began to seek God earnestly. These were only two of the many ladies who shared with me their heartbreaking stories of divorce. There were so many reasons given for divorce and none of them fell under sexual immorality (fornication) as I saw it. I sincerely asked the Lord to open my eyes. Was there any scriptural evidence to support these women's choices to opt out of a marriage other than infidelity? Yes, there was.
God led me to Matthew 19:3-12. The Pharisees were looking for a reason to trap Jesus in His words. Their previous scheme had not worked with the woman caught in adultery. However, if they could just get Jesus to say something contradictory to the Law of Moses, then they could brand Him as a heretic. So they asked Jesus this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3b)
Jesus' answer was, and still is, God's original intention for marriage: "Have you not read . . . the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:5b-6).
The Pharisees did not like His answer. For Jesus had taken them right back to Genesis before there ever was a Moses or a Law of Moses so that they could hear what GOD SAYS about marriage. Yet the stiff-necked Pharisees persisted with another question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" (Matthew 19:7)
Jesus responds, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8).
The self-righteous Pharisees were using the Law of Moses as an excuse to bail out on marriages for any flippant reason. And because of this, the Lord had some very strong words for them. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).
I can just hear the stone throwers shouting, "See, I told you . . . it's right there in the word . . . 'sexual immorality!'"
Wait a minute. Like Paul Harvey, let's hear "the rest of the story" before jumping to any conclusions. After verse 9 comes verse 10. Even Jesus' disciples, which would include us, were amazed at the words of Jesus. "His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry'" (Matthew 19:10). Yeah, I can see their point. If sexual immorality (fornication) is the only reason for divorce, then perhaps we are better off not getting married.
But look at Jesus' response to his own disciples in verse 11. It stands to reason that if the disciples' statement was true, then Jesus would have said something to affirm it as such. He does not!
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given'" (Matthew 19:11).
What saying? The saying in verse 9 of course. NOT ALL can accept the saying that fornication is the ONLY reason for divorce.
Now notice that Jesus goes on to explain what He meant with the following verse:
"For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
What did Jesus mean by this? He tells us that three different men all became eunuchs for different reasons. One was born a eunuch, another was made a eunuch by men, and still another made himself that way for the kingdom of heaven. They all became eunuchs for different reasons, but who is to say which eunuch is "God approved"? God accepted them all. That's the point!
Likewise, there are many reasons someone might seek a divorce: physical and verbal abuse from a spouse . . . being married to an unbeliever who makes life a literal hell . . . marital unfaithfulness . . . the stress of being married to an alcoholic for 23 years . . . or living with a pornographer who refuses to repent. Which one of these reasons for divorce is "God approved"? That's the point Jesus was making. Just as the eunuchs were acceptable to God regardless of how they became a eunuch, so also is a woman acceptable to God who seeks to be free from an abusive husband, even if infidelity is not involved. You and I cannot see in the heart of that abused person . . . but God can. For God has called them to peace.
And the church has done more harm counselling emotionally and physically battered women to stay in a relationship citing Matthew 5:32 "except for sexual immorality" as the only just cause for divorce. Women have actually committed suicide and murder under the stress of remaining in an abusive situation because their legalistic church counseled them to do so.
You may have heard of the case in the U.S. where a lady killed her husband (a pastor) who had been abusing her for years. God had called her to peace . . . but she never knew it, and one day she snapped. The evidence of abuse was so overwhelming that the courts found this woman not guilty of murder by reason of insanity.
I certainly do not want to imply that people should take their marriage so lightly as to divorce for every whim and fancy. I would not condone that, and neither does the Word of God. Every marriage will have its share of problems which can be worked out with God's help by two committed individuals. Yet there are some women, especially those suffering physical and mental abuse, who have reached the tipping point of no return; and the only thing they can do to preserve their sanity is to get out of that marriage. And ultimately, it is to the Lord they answer to, not you or me. He has called them to peace.
After God opened my eyes to the truth of scripture, I contacted those ladies on the dating site who I had thrown "stones" at and apologized profusely. I was truly grieved that I had been so self-righteous and blind, wounding those precious sisters for whom Christ died.
Now back to the story that I began with. The "stone throwers" had already dropped their rocks and left the scene with a guilty conscience, leaving Jesus alone with the adulterous woman.
"He said to her, 'Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?'"
"She said, 'No one, Lord.'"
"And Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more'" (John 8:10b-11).
HALLELUJAH�MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGMENT!!!
Blessings in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz
(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)
"The Stone Thrower" Copyright � 2010 by Paul Janz.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 26 Feb, 2012 10:09 PM
"What do you say about remarriage, brother?"...a good question, Shalom. I've touched on the subject of finding a partner in my profile if you care to read. I'm of the opinion that since God ordained marriage and He is the One who is to join two people together, then it behooves us to WALK WITH GOD, so that we might clearly hear His voice, to know who the chosen one is (if there is one at all).
As far as remarriage, that is in God's Hands. He knows what is best for us. Serve Him, love Him and obey Him, and leave the rest up to God.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 7 Mar, 2012 04:38 PM
Dear Paul,
Thank You!
If takes a big man to look at himself and change his thinking!
It also takes a big GOD, and you are a big man with a big GOD.
I am twice divorced. My first husband was abusive, not physically, but abusive none the less.
My second husband was the love of my life. He unfortunatly, is bipolar/schophinic (sp!). During our marrage my second husband, who is also PTSD from Vietnam, refused to keep taking his medicine. He became violent, and paranord.
We are divorced, and now he doesn't even know me or his kids.
Anyway, thank you so very much for your understanding. Sorry this is so misspelled!
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 17 Apr, 2012 12:36 PM
Wonderful scripture, wonderful post! Some people are quick to judge others when they don't even know what went on in that person's life. The best thing for us to do is to pray for those persons who think like that. Thanks for sharing.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Apr, 2012 02:18 PM
Wow!! Unbelievably awesome. I was raised in church and your description on divorce, God's grace, and His mercy, could not have been explained any better or clearly. I believe exactly as you do. That truly sounded like a sermon I've heard in church. God bless you in your efforts for Him, as I'm sure He will use you for His glory!
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 18 Apr, 2012 02:25 PM
Wow!! Unbelievably awesome. I was raised in church and your description on divorce, God's grace, and His mercy, could not have been explained any better or clearly. I believe exactly as you do. That truly sounded like a sermon I've heard in church. God bless you in your efforts for Him, as I'm sure He will use you for His glory
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 29 Apr, 2012 09:26 AM
Hello really_54
I enjoyed reading what you wrote...I too have had many questions about divorce and remarriage and while not wanting to seem judgemental I don't want to accept something as normal just because it has unfortunately become the "norm" even among believers.
I am not of the opinion that women that are in dangerous abusive situations should stay in those particular situations and I know that there is the "exception clause" as stated in Matthew. Although I think that is used a little more frequently than necessary just by looking at the rates of divorce among Christian couples.
One thing that bothers me though is that if we really believe these exceptions why do we vow before God "until death do us part"? Why not "until death do us part or until one of us is unfaithful"? These are not only vows to one another but vows before God and as it states in Psalms 15 in a list answering who will live in the tabernacle of the Lord or in His holy hill--vs. 4b "He that sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not".
I'm speaking in generalities and not citing any specific situations so I am not writing this as an attack on any individuals and not meaning offense but I'm wondering how serious we take the vows.
I'm still not sure what our stance as believers should be...I just know that it shouldn't be based on what is more convenient for me but on the Word.
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 30 Apr, 2012 10:59 PM
Hi Shelley, Thank you for your thoughts and this question . . ."One thing that bothers me though is that if we really believe these exceptions why do we vow before God "until death do us part"?... If I may, I would like to offer a rather simplistic answer.
Most everyone (I speak of Christians here) starts out saying their vows before God with sincerity, believing they will love each other until death. Yet what never enters their mind on their wedding day is that their spouse turns out to be something quite different . . . an unrepentant pornographer, an unashamed alcoholic or drug addict, a violent wife beater, a womanizer, a child molester, etc. None of these sins "appear" to fall under the "exception clause."
Now put yourself in the shoes of anyone of these women who are vexed and tormented in such a marriage, who have had to live under these conditions day in and day out, year after year, and tell me which scripture should apply to them: "He that sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not"? or "But God has called us to peace"? (1 Corinthians 7:15) :angel:
Have you been CONDEMMNED by others as having an "UNBIBLICAL DIVORCE" ?
Posted : 19 May, 2012 09:34 PM
Sir you were right the first time on your doctrine. It was our king guarding your heart. If messiah is so strict as to say when someone lusts in their heart for another they all ready committed it, then he also means that unscripturally divorced people have to stay single and chaste at least until their mate passes away or unless reconciled or if their mates remarry first and commit adultery. I'm not a stone thrower but a verse warner! Adulterers will not be in the kingdom Rev 21 vs 8. We have to guard our heart with all diligence because out of it come the issues of life. Its better to stay single and enter into the kingdom than remarry unscripturally and Yahushuah the messiah say depart from me worker of iniquity(means one who is lawless not obeying his commands). We cannot put personal experiences above the word. Unscriptural marriages is a heaven or hell issue. W ewould be wise to only do as the messiah instructed. I recommend the divorce and remarriage teaching on divorce and remmarriage on Eliyah.com. It is only scripture from old testament to new on this topic and no human sentiments on this serious matter. Shalom. You were right the first time by brother. Mercy is important but not at the expense of not obeying divine command.
