Author	Thread: crime, would you turn your child in?
Admin	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 08:38 AM dear folks, i read about a mother who called the police on her child, i think it was a 6 year old for shop lifting.. if your child committed a crime would you do the same? ole cattle Post Reply
Randy54156 View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 02:28 PM in todays time....No! years ago you could do that with the penalties that the little girl got..."a ride around the block in the squad car with the lights & siren while being handcuffed" That was more of a joke than the balloon boy was... Post Reply
View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 03:12 PM dear randy, thanks for answerin.. and merry christmas to you.. i hope you have a really good one.. ole cattle Post Reply
Tarasye View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 04:17 PM Absolutely. Children need to learn and know there are consequences for their actions. I believe the very fact my daughter knew I was willing and able to make that call if necessary is part of what kept her in check. I think the fact that if she ended up in jail because of her actions, knowing I would not be bailing her out, forced her to check her own accountability. She will even admit that to this day, now that she is a young adult of 22 years old. Once when she was 14, she thought she was going to stay over night with a friend and never come home, because that friend's parents were "easy" and they didn't even care that she was "staying" with them. After three days, which included a weekend, on the fourth day I had a conversation with her on the phone that boiled down to "You can live with you Mom, you can live with your Dad, or you can live with the State of South Dakota, but you will NOT be living with your FRIENDS" That was a really had statement to make, as the state of SD had only recently put a little 14 year old girl in boot camp, that was so overweight, that the army would not have accepted her had she been of age, and after forcing her to run outside in the heat with leg irons on (hello, leg irons? Aren't they designed to KEEP a person from running???) she collapsed and died of heat exhaustion. Would I have gone through with it? If I had to, yes. Not all decisions we make when parenting are easy, and often they may not even be correct, but when they push the boundaries, sometimes you really do need to take a stand. What would have happened at 14 if I would have let her stay with her friends? I don't know, but I know that after her friends parents were perfectly fine with the situation, I lost all respect for them. She wanted to live in a house where she was a guest, and where there were no rules. Wouldn't we all? She was testing her limits, rebellion. In my line of work I constantly see parents bailing their children out of trouble, paying their fines for them, alleviating all the consequences of their actions. When we rebel against God, He does not bare our consequences. The Lord has paid the price for our sins, but He still allows us to choose our path, and allows us to bare the consequences of where our path takes us, standing by when we are ready to come back to Him. He advises us to train up a child in the way that they should go, and that they will not depart from it. It doesn't say they will not waver, however, and I think that is really common, when kids leave home they test the waters, and test the limits, and when they find that it is not what they thought it would be, they come back to the comfort of what they know, stability in the Faith you have nurtured within them. If we are to have respect for those in authority over us, we also need to train up our children to have that same respect for those in authority as well. I am not saying that what worked with my daughter will work with every child, but it worked with her. I do not believe in sheltering children from the world, but rather you teach them how to live in it, and exist under it. Discipline delivered in Faith, without anger, but in love is necessary, and important in raising healthy children in a world gone mad, where there are so very many outside influences. Firmness, Kindness and more than anything, love and respect. If I break the law, I expect to pay the penalty. Why would I ever want my child to believe otherwise, for I would expect by the time this happens, there should have long since been a discussion about what is theirs and what is not, and what is right and what is wrong. If it was an innocent mistake, then don't over react, but if it was a blatant defiance of authority? Absolutely. Consequences are important. Tarasye Post Reply
spri1458 View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 07:27 PM It depends on the crime and the age of the child, among other possible things. I can't tackle every angle and situation, but here is my basic train of thought: If the crime is "small" enough and/or the child is "young" enough, then I would not call the police. In such a situation, I would tell the offended party what my child did (or perhaps take my child to the offended party and have him/her confess and apologize) and work out an appropriate punishment. I would not want to waste police resources on something that could be handled without them (such as a 6-year-old stealing something). Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 08:07 PM I remember a story about a friend of mine who tried to take a pack of gum from the grocery store. She told me that she didn't realize that she was "stealing" because she figured her mom would pay for it along with the other groceries. She was pretty young, maybe 4 or 5, so I can understand that. Anyway, her mom caught her before she even got it in her pocket, told her that taking gum like that was stealing, and made her confess to the store manager. Her mom asked what my friend could do (other than returning the gum, which was a given) to "pay" for her "crime," and the manager said that 5 minutes of bagging her own family's groceries would suffice. I know that left quite an impression on my friend...both the stealing part and the mercy of the manager who could have been really quite mean and ugly about it. Now, to answer the question...I think turning a child in for a crime would depend on the age of the child and the crime committed. Post Reply
View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 24 Dec, 2009 10:37 PM I work with inmates that are transitioning back into society. It's a half-way house run by a Church here in Ft.Lauderdale. 80% of our"clients" grew up with out a father. None of them knew any dicipline as a child. They had no boundaries -- no direction -- they felt nobody loved them because nobody cared enough to discipline them. One of our tasks here is to show then how wonderful life is when there is Discipline in it and that Discipline comes from the Bible...and the Bible comes from God. We can not Deviate from what we say will happen and what does happen. We go back to basics...things they should have learned at three years of age. Actions have consquences and sometimes that consquence is Justice. Discipline and Justice go hand in hand. Justice enforces Discipline and Self-Discipline eliminates the need for Justice. And the Ultimate Justice will be dealt out by God Himself, so conduct yourself acccordingly. Children need the rules and the punishment for breaking them layed out and explained clearly. It gives them their boundaries and it makes them feel secure to know that you are always aware of where they are and that you care. Just be careful what you tell them, because you will have to follow through (both parents need to be on the same page) and if you deviate or let them change your mind....you just lost any and all authority -- because your word can be Usurped (undermined) (I just like saying Usurped...usurped...usurped). Peace Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 25 Dec, 2009 05:08 PM Hmm....a 6 year-old kid...not sure I would call the police. As a parent it'd be your job to discipline the child. Parents should make sure their kids know very early on that they have the authority. So...maybe punish the child, make them return the item and pay for it....but I'm not a parent so...:goofball:.. :peace::peace: Post Reply
Tarasye View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 26 Dec, 2009 06:06 AM Right on Arch, I couldn't agree more. Follow through is everything, never say something you are not prepared to do. Mark, the thing you have to keep in mind with a six year old, as with any age, where is their mind set: innocent mistake, a case of them just wanting it so bad that they didn't think it through, or is it a blatant knowing that it was really wrong and defiantly doing it anyway. Innocent mistake is an opportunity to teach, no darling, we can't walk out with this, we need to pay for it. over whelming desire, you make them take it back and tell the store manager what they did. blatant defiance, flat out sneaky and aware that it is totally wrong, but believes there are no consequences that matter. Intervention might be the best thing, for there may be reasons for this behavior that need to be addressed, and this might be just the way to do it. At six years old, it isn't like the juvenile arrest is going to be that harsh, but it might just put both parent and child in touch with the right resources to make positive changes. Kids are tricky, you have to learn to figure out what is going on in their heads. Firm and clear guidance is part of what makes them feel confident an sure of themselves, boundaries really do matter. Tarasye Post Reply
View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 26 Dec, 2009 08:03 AM My mother caught my brother stealing a paack of gum as a 6 year old.She marched him back in the store and made him confess to the store manger.He was crying the whole time.It is good to give a kid limits.It also depends on the kid and crime as to how far I would go.I have no kids. Post Reply
View Profile History	crime, would you turn your child in? Posted : 26 Dec, 2009 09:53 AM Good point Tara! Kids will be irresponsible...it is the nature of children. You really can not and should not punish them for being a child. Tasks can be "given" to help enforce being responsible, but the child should not consider it "Punishment". A child taking candy -- not realizing it is wrong -- or leaving their toys on the front lawn or forgetting to close the back door, is just being irresponsible (which needs to be corrected, not punished). Outright disobedience and disregard for authority needs to be punished. If a child willfully defies you -- knowing the consquences -- they are asking you to show them that you care enough for them....to punish them. Also the punishment should fit the offense. It is very important that you be consistent (both parents) and agreed on every aspect. If you are not on the same page...the child will "pick up" on that and feel that "Justice" is arbitary and "sin" is relative. And don't forget the "concept" of mercy. Show and explain what Mercy means and is and how Jesus used it and defined it. Peace Post Reply

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