Author	Thread: What to do if wife wants marriage to end
mrcountryside View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 25 Dec, 2012 02:25 PM I have been married to my wife for 12 years, we are both Christians and have 2 lovely children. We have always been very close & she is a very loving person. However the stresses of life including some of her health problems, and my job seem to have undermined our relationship and we have drifted apart. Having said this I was still shocked when she she said she wanted to separate 3 months ago citing my lack of attention and focus on her as a reason which I admit has some truth - I have asked her and God to forgive this, but unfortunately she doesn't think I will change. She has informed me that she has struggled with not being happy for a few years but has tried to hide this and deal with it herself rather than together which clearly cannot work. It's all basicaly down to isufficient communication. There is no - one else involved. She move out 2 months ago which was devastating but we do get on quite well and share the children equally. My wife no longer attends our church as she doesn't want to be where I am but she has found another place to worship which is good. The only time she gets angry is when I make it clear that I don't believe we should divorce because I feel we have a future together after we have had some space apart. She has also found it frustrating that I haven't told everyone I know about the situation. She will not see a counsellor as she has made up her mond the relationshiop is at an end. The whole experience has given me greater understanding of Gods Word bringing me to my knees in worship; I have realised where I have gone wrong and need to allow more of Gods grace in me to deal with issues that arise in most marriages. My difficulty is this; My wife seems desperate for me to move on by finding a new partner and has informed me that she intends to do this at some time in the future. I think she must struggle with this as she has strong faith. I feel that I cannot give up on my marriage because it would contradict Gods Word and the problems we have can be worked through and resolved. I have a firm belief that I should remain faithful to my wife until she feels different however long that may take. I believe that this is in the interests of us both and our children. My wife feels that I am "very sad" trying to hold onto something thats dead. We've had a lovely Christmas day together as a family at my wifes home but she maintains our relationship is strictly as friends and that there can and never will be anything more. I know that this experience is for a purpose and that God will use it for good - but it's very difficult to know the best way forward. Any advice would be gratefully received. Bless you Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 25 Dec, 2012 06:19 PM Lots of prayer, there's more going on than she may be admitting. Be prepared for her to present papers. The reality of it is, she may present them and whether or not it's something you want/ believe in, you'll want to be prepared to respond. You can still seek Godly counsel from your pastor or another Christian counselor. By doing so, you're not giving up but getting prepared for either result. Getting back together (which is the best option) or divorce will take an emotional toll and effort. Unfortunately, it may not be what you or God wants. Post Reply
mrcountryside View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 26 Dec, 2012 01:21 AM Thanks for your time to read & reply to my post. The reply makes sense. I would be interested to hear the experience of others in such circumstances and will come back to this thread in due course as I believe that my experience will be beneficial to fellow Christians in the future. Post Reply
View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 27 Dec, 2012 06:06 PM 1Cr 7:10 � And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: 1Cr 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife. She is commanded not to leave and if she leave to remain unmarried or be reconciled unto you. That is the perfect word of God on the subject. But the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, therefore many disobediently go about doing what they want, when they want and however they want. What do we do as husbands when we have such an occasion arise? We understand that Satan is at the heart of the matter. That the wife in question has been made to believe that she can somehow get away with being disobedient and that somehow things will work out fine. First, we need to do as it appears you have been doing and redouble our efforts to understand if we have areas of our life that need to change. We need always be taking a personal inventory of ourselves and not of others. We need to be seeking to be conformed by the Word of God into the image of God and God is Love. Second, we must be still and know that He is God. It is God who must work in the heart of the other so that they will see where they have been wrong and through the goodness of God be led to repentance. We must fall on our face before God and intercede for the one who is wronging us. As Moses did, we must ask God to help them in any way that He can. Upon doing all that we can to live godly and submit ourselves unto God, we need to accept the results of what comes next. If presented with 'papers' we need not fight but simply do as scripture commands as we are called to peace. From today on out, we simply need to seek to honor God in everything we do. What the scriptures have to say about marriage is vast and wide, and cannot be dealt with on this forum in a complete manner, especially when there are going to be many views of the same verses. I simply encourage you to seek the grace of God to be in you and working mightily toward any and all whom you are in contact with in any given day. Always remembering that we have to deal with Sin who dwells within as when any would to do good, evil is present with them. Peace in Christ Post Reply
mrcountryside View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 28 Dec, 2012 02:26 PM Thank you so much for your quotes from Gods Word and for your sound advice. May God bless you for the time you have taken to consider my circumstances. Post Reply
View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 30 Dec, 2012 06:54 PM Unfortunately there's little you can do about it, either biblically or legally - you remain married in the sight of God until released from that covenant by her unfaithfulness. In short, you can't move on with someone new until she has. I feel for you, I really do. Your exact situation is probably my biggest fear of marriage; not that I won't be committed but that she won't! To those reading who are contemplating marriage, think long and hard about what you're going to vow to each other and God because it's for life...:angeldevil: Post Reply
King18David View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 1 Jan, 2013 07:41 PM Mr Country, You said "I know that this experience is for a purpose and that God will use it for good - but it's very difficult to know the best way forward." God's Word affirms that He does use all things for the good of those who love Him, but we need to understand that that does not mean we will receive what we think is good for us. Consider Job who lost everything. And why? So that he might be brought nearer to the Lord. God is able to use your situation for your good, but it will be first and foremost to draw you nearer to Himself, and not necessarily your wife. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Mathew 6:33 Notice that this verse does not say that you or I will ever "add" anything unto ourselves. Instead, it explains that by seeking the Lord (meaning a close, personal and intimate relationship with God), that whatever God knows IS good for you, He will add. Likewise, whatever is not good for you, He will take away, and the Lord will interpret what is good or bad for you in light of whatever it's going to take to drive you firmly, and lead you gently to Himself. Post Reply
King18David View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 1 Jan, 2013 08:00 PM Some resources, To kick start your relationship with God, I'd like to begin by suggesting several books to you, which you may be able to download in audio versions. The 1st book is "Facing Your Giants" by Max Lucado, and the 2nd is "Not A Fan" by Kyle Idleman. Both of these books will change your perspective of yourself and your former relationship with God forever. Another powerful resource is In Touch Ministries which is based upon the Biblical teachings of Dr. Charles Stanley. Besides my father, the Lord has used Dr. Stanley more than anyone else in my life to bring nearer to Himself. If you look up Intouch online, you'll find access to over 400 of his sermons. I'm emphasizing your working on you, because of my faith, that it is only the Lord who can save any marriage. So the fastest way to save a marriage, or anything, is to seek Him first in your own life. The Lord loves your wife more than you ever could. He loves you to. The Lord be with you Mr Country Post Reply
mrcountryside View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 2 Jan, 2013 01:27 PM Thank you King18David. God bless Post Reply
View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 9 Jan, 2013 05:16 AM If she is desperate in trying to get you to find someone new then there is a strong possibility she already has someone new and she doesn't want to feel as guilty. Scripture also teaches that if the unsaved partner in the marriage wants to be released then let them go because peace is the most important thing. Now, I know you have said she is a believer, but a lot of people are good at faking it for awhile. I would not say that she is currently showing the evidence of having Christian faith. I know you want to stay married and I am not suggesting otherwise. However I am trying to possibly eliminate some guilt if the marriage doesn't stay together. Going to church doesn't make her a believer. Are there evidences in her life? It doesn't sound like it to me. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	What to do if wife wants marriage to end Posted : 9 Jan, 2013 06:05 AM I'm sure we're not getting the whole story here, and I'm curious as to what you're doing on a dating site if you're still technically married and not wanting a divorce, but I suppose that's not entirely relevant. It sure sounds like she's in the wrong, if that is all true and she has no legitimate reason for divorce, then you can sleep well knowing that you're doing nothing wrong. The only legitimate christian reason for divorce is for adultery/fornication. Now, she may consider a time that she thinks you may have had "impure thoughts" about another woman as grounds for divorce, since Jesus says that even thinking about committing adultery/fornication means we're committing sin in our heart. That's extremely unmerciful, but I think that argument would hold up in a biblical court of law, especially in her own mind. I've seen it done in other cases enough. :peace::peace: Post Reply

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