According to Brook Zitek, DO, a forensic psychiatrist at Temple University School of Medicine in Philadelphia, one of the stalker profiles is categorized as "The incompetent." The definition is: "This person is socially backward. He doesn't really understand the social rules involved in dating and romance. He doesn't mean any harm." (I think this falls under some people we might meet on the internet.)
She went on to say that more than ONE MILLION women are stalked each year!! I'm thinking a lot of this came about with the internet - it's easy to log on and "follow" someone around. Much easier than in person - takes less effort.
She also stated, "Many people stalk someone they have only met briefly -- someone they don't really know, or barely know." (Fitting more in with the net now?) "They develop convoluted thoughts about this person. They feel this person is the answer to their dreams," says Moore.
The red flags:
* You immediately start getting several phone calls or emails right after meeting this person. (online or in person)
* The person is clingy, controlling, or upset if you want to spend time with friends and family. (or if you don't answer emails immediately)
Take action:
* Tell everyone you know that this is going on -- your employer, friends, family.
* Gently but firmly tell the person you've decided to move on. Don't get drawn into discussions of why. Just say, "This situation isn't right for me" or "I'm not ready yet" -- whatever you need to say, but say it gently.
This is just another reminder to everyone - you can't be TOO CAREFUL. There is no such thing. This is the internet. Guard your personal information until you feel completely comfortable giving it out. And if there's a little twinge in the back of your mind that tells you not to, then listen to it. Don't be convinced by someone that you're being paranoid by not giving out your last name, phone number, address, or anything else personal. This is NOT paranoia, it's YOUR information and it is completely up to you WHEN OR IF you choose to give it out. It is also their choice to move along if they don't like your decision. :)
And ALWAYS, if you're going to meet someone in person, do it in a PUBLIC place, and make sure several people know exactly where you're going, who you're meeting, and what time to expect you back (and it's not a bad idea to have someone physically with you to "sit in the background" to make sure all is okay).
The only thing I might add to that would be the words OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. We get inmates from time to time at the work release center where I work, and that seems to be a reoccurring theme that I see in them. It is almost like they cannot stop themselves from making contact with that victim, even though the court has ordered them and made it crystal clear on many occasions.
I watch this unfold and wish that these people would seriously consider and seek professional help and get on meds for none of them seem very happy as they attempt to control things that are not within their realm of control
People like that are scary and unpredictable. You just don't know when they are going to decide that if they are going to suffer, their victim, the root of their obsession needs to suffer as well.
I tend to believe these are the people that snap and attempt murder-suicides, and yes, Linnie, there are almost as many women out there obsessing like that as there are men.
This thread is very informative! But I have a question if yall don't mind...
Do people who stalk or have OCD always realize they are causing so much harm? Is it possible they think they are acting normal? Possibly, do they always have to have the last word?
This sounds alot like the Narcissism described in Cattleman's post.
B.E.G, I am not sure about the last word thing, some I have met are that way some are not, but I think you are probably right about the narcissism thing and I don't think they are necessarily aware of anyone's pain but their own, at least not unless they decide to harm that person, then it is sort of a paybacks are a b.... situation with them, the "I will make you hurt like I hurt" type of thing. I think the most of their focus is completely self aware. The objectify people and I don't think they are anymore aware of their feeling than the average houseplant. They are actually rather creepy to work with. I have never yet found one that I felt even a little comfortable with, not male or female. That in itself speaks volumes, as there are a lot of different people incarcerate, and you do sort of learn to get comfortable on at least a surface level with a lot of different people. I think they believe their behavior is normal, for they think everyone else is like they are.
No joking this time like I do somethimes on this site.A guy I used to work with had a problem.He did not like me.Maybe it was my being a christian or my stupid jokes.I thought at 1st he was ok.Gave him my phone number.I would get calls every hour on the hour all night long for like 2 nights.I also think his pal a female at work helped him.Beating on my window at night.I was going to put a trap outside my window and trap- no joking:boxing:
I can be very inventive.My Dad advised me against it.I could get in trouble with the cops.This would go on about 1 week every month.
I changed my phome # and email.The window beating kept going on.The girl who was his friend left her mitten outside my window one night.When the guy got fired I went home and had a by myself pizza party.:party::dancingp::ROFL:
Yes,I know that is not very nice to do.But, I am a clown and thought it was funnnyyyyy.:laugh:
So, do you all think I should have put the trap out and trapped that guy or his girl friend?:devil:Now you all know that I can be very orinary.:ROFL: Ladies that is an idea trap the stalker.
Thank you Lyn, I agree, I tend to be naive at times, and I fall prey to that. Interesting even though there is more I can add to this. But rather not...God Bless
Check out the stalking laws in your area for you may have a case against them, at least enough to start with where you can file an order against them. After you pick up your paperwork and get it ready to file, you might also check with the police and file a complaint with them. Then file your paperwork for the order against them, and on the way home, pick up some ink that will blend in with the surroundings around your window, as I like your idea of "trapping" them, you just need to take it a different direction.
Once they get the visit from the PD and/or the Order you have filed against them, I am guessing them will be right over to harass you further and when they do you will have your ink trap ready for them where they can't get to your window without being caught "red handed" so to speak.
Window peaking and prowling are pretty much illegal everywhere so I think when the PD go right on over to speak with them, they will find them busy trying to scrub the inky evidence of their mischief away.
Best of luck with that Friend, let us know how that comes out for you.
When I wrote it used to happen it was 10 yeats ago.The police in the city I lived in said I had to see them.Never that fast to get out of bed.However,I moved and they all like me have a different job now.This happened before I got married.
I needed this reminder of the part of the stalker post:
This is just another reminder to everyone - you can't be TOO CAREFUL. There is no such thing. This is the internet. Guard your personal information until you feel completely comfortable giving it out. And if there's a little twinge in the back of your mind that tells you not to, then listen to it. Don't be convinced by someone that you're being paranoid by not giving out your last name, phone number, address, or anything else personal. This is NOT paranoia, it's YOUR information and it is completely up to you WHEN OR IF you choose to give it out. It is also their choice to move along if they don't like your decision. :)
Yes it is completely up to me! As long as I have in Christ's love said no to giving out my information my conscience is clear.
