So as my title suggests, men are often thought of as the most likely to lie or cheat or scam. And I suppose that's true, given the fact that we have prisons full of men in the USA and far fewer women.
But today I want you to consider, in the almost year that I've been a member, I've had tremendous success in meeting women here on CDFF. The problem, all but 2 of them were putting on a show for me. (I'm ignoring the 100's of scammer messages I've received AND reported to CDFF)
What do I mean putting on a show? Well, I discovered several years ago that it's easy to put on a show for someone you don't know. The only problem, is you can't keep up the show for long. It's tiring lying all the time! Eventually liars have no choice but to BE THEMSELVES. Once this happens, BOOM, BUSTED, you're not even CLOSE to the person you said you were. The only problem, is by the time you figure it out, you've gotten invested and the pain is awful. It's not just that it's awful because you were lied to, it's made most awful because you invested so much of yourself, now that it's over there's separation anxiety.
The solution?
The women will appreciate this (the men not so much):
This is CDFF, the C means CHRISTIAN, not CHEAP. You're SUPPOSED TO BE looking for another CHRISTIAN. If not, don't waste your time here, there are plenty of much more popular and much, much busier SECULAR dating sites for you to enjoy. If you're looking for that SPECIAL SOMEONE, for the love of God, TREAT THEM AS YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER IN CHRIST *FIRST*. Some of you might not appreciate my candor here, but if you're here looking for physical intimacy, you're not a Christian anyway. If you both maintain your physical distance, you will QUICKLY find out if you're even MEANT TO BE friends. Because if you can't even be friends, you have no foundation to begin with. And we all know that's what secular relationships are based on right? No foundation, just sex.
If you can't do that, it's ok. I understand. But please, for the benefit of everyone else reading, please stop saying you're a Christian. I've met so many women here who have been lied to by hundreds of men on CDFF that are claiming to be Christians and yet in the same breath are trying to get into their pants. Not good.
Anyway, long story into one sentence, "Become friends first, wait about 3-4 months to even THINK about kissing and I think you'll find that this new person you've found could be the right one."
Why did I write this at this time? Well, I too sometimes get scammed. Not by a professional scammer, but by a woman who lies and deceives, just to get my attentions. I thought we were going to be the greatest thing ever, but after 4 months, she couldn't maintain her CHARADE any longer and her true self came out. I know that not everyone is as savvy as I am in sorting the decent from the truly reprehensible, so I wanted to share this as both a warning and as an edification. The edification? Keep your spirits up, always enter everything prayerfully and eventually you will find the person you were meant to be with.
God Bless
Pastor Keith (Virginia)
PS: Because I know I'll get messages about this if I don't clarify, YES, I am a Pastor. A Discipleship Pastor to be specific. I don't belong to a church at the moment (still looking), but I am properly ordained AND I spend my time teaching Discipleship and against False Teachings.
Your thread introduction appears balanced. You’re right, both men and women share an equal responsibility forming healthy and honest relationships.
I believe asking LOTS of questions is key to verify online dating prospects.
I start by asking the usual and then move on (sometimes with permission) to asking more in depth questions like specific details concerning the person’s salvation and spiritual walk.
I don’t settle for the casual, “I accepted Jesus as my personal savior” type christianize cliche (anybody can regurgitate meaningless jargon).
I try being polite and respectful as I can asking questions but sometimes even shallow questions bring out the beast in certain undesirable persons. But, I think that’s a good thing for both parties. The angry person knows what they need to work on and the curious person has more information on which to base a decision.
