I'm no Dr. Phil but what I'm noticing and experiencing is just how many people are dating or seeking to date that really have no business dating.
What do I mean? Let me explain a bit further by sharing one of my experiences recently. I met a man online. No different than many of us. After chatting with him for two weeks and asking key questions and showing some compatibility, he appeared to be interesting enough for us to meet in public at the library.
Across the street from the library was subway. We ate. Enjoying a great conversation as we were getting to know each other. We went our separate ways. I met him after work so I walked back to the parking garage to get my car and went home. He went his way on the train.
Later, that evening he called to make sure I made it home safe ~awww sweet I know~ and to let me know he enjoyed meeting me. I noticed that it was very noisy in his background unlike the street or store. He said yes he needed to go to a quieter area and tell me something very important.
He was living in a shelter. I proceeded to tell me why he was there but I blanked out and didn't hear his excuse. My thoughts were was are you trying to date????
I responded, "I'm sure that you are a nice man but why are you dating?" "You should be focused on getting yourself together right now"
In closing, he wasn't happy with my response and told me that my spirit wasn't nice....really!!!! He doesn't even know me. So I shrugged it off.
Its so true there are a lot of people looking for a relationship, when its the last thing they need. That's why its so important to listen as well as ask questions, and if your not happy with what your hearing to walk away thanks for sharing.
At this point in my life I go by more than what I hear. I go by the actions and in this case it proved to be the case more than his words.
I've learned to walk away very quickly since I've learned from my past experiences and my of the time people wonder if I even have a heart. But you know your limits, you wants versus your needs. This is how I stay drama free and out of those proverbial dead end relationships that seem to drag on.
In closing, just sharing hoping to help someone. I got tons of bad dating stories.
I know exactly what you are talking about. You do sometimes have to ask yourself, why would someone be trying to enter into a dating scene...I don't think that is fair to you no matter what situation is because you are genuinely looking for something real and you are putting your time, effort, and emotion in that. Then for him to end it like that with you by calling you out that way just shows the real heart underneath it. But I understand what you are saying because I have had similar experiences if not worse! What is interesting though even those types of experiences teach you to be cautious and definitely pray about it. I think whats even more frustrating is the dishonesty. I mean I know from my own personal experience of how hard it is to deal with my own personal issues if I am not at a good place in my life, I wouldn't put my stresses and burdens on someone else, specifically a potential romantic involvement with...
Thank you for your input. What is so disheartening when sharing your experiences on open forums as a means to help people and/or so others can see that they are not alone, some tend to over analyze.
Asking a person questions online doesn't mean you'll get different results. The bottom line is that if a person is deceitful, a liar, or just means no others no good, they will do ANYTHING to deceive you. Actually, they tend to seek out the do-gooders. It's just who they are and nature is made up of predators who seek out the ones they can prey upon.
Good thing is that I learned quickly and didn't loose anything but some of my time.
I also wanted to thank you because I, too, remember when I was in a dark place going through a very very tough time. The last thing I wanted was a relationship. I knew I was broken and wasn't in good shape emotional, financially, etc to be 100% committed to a relationship.
What I also saw was a double standard as well. At this point in my life, I don't have the resources nor energy to keep starting over much less with another grown person. It's just not my choice. If I was already in a relationship, that would be a different story but to start out behind the 8 ball is not something I'd choose at this stage in my life.
I feel that some people are looking for others to fix them, I was recently contacted by someone in their 50s who is unemployed, and living in supported housing, why not get yourself together first then try & seek a partner, I've children of my own & I don't have the time, desire or inclination to take care of a grown man (who's not related by blood)
