I believe in keeping things private and confidential. Therefore, in the interest of confidentiality, I will not identify who wrote me this letter. I will, however, post it here, that others may hear what I think about it.
Here is what was written to me on July 29. As a preface let me explain that I had been chatting with and texting the person who wrote this for about two weeks. During that time I never said things like "I love you" or "I want to date you." From my point of view we were friends who flirted a little, but at that point I was at the stage where you learn about mutual likes and dislikes and discover if the interested party is a match (or not). Having caught this entity in a few inconsistencies when his stories did not match his previous stories, or when his stories did not match info I dug up for myself on search engines, etc., and having learned more info than I initially had available about his personal habits and his past, I determined that I did not want to pursue anything further than a friendship. I didn't know how to bring it up; it is never painless, even when it's necessary. I didn't want to text him in the middle of lunch or driving down the highway and say, "Hey, how are you doing? By the way, I don't want to date you." So I unfriended and blocked him from my FB page. I did this because I wanted to set a firm limit on communications from this individual. I then waited for him to notice. If he didn't notice and I drifted away, I never needed to confront him. If he did and brought up the topic when he was ready, I would then explain that I simply wanted to be friends and no more. Two days after he was blocked he noticed. This is what he replied to my honest but brief letter in which I explained as politely as possible. He said:
"you DO understand you should have handled that a tad more tactufully though??
I mean, trying to talk to you, here, or in FB, and to learn I'm ignored or worse, BLOCKED, without a "goodbye"????
If that's how you treat men, then that is what's keeping you single, one thing I have issues with you on would be "being sneaky" because I always say when you go LOOKING for problems you FIND Them....
for the other, I don't deal well with women who act insecure.... can't stand it.
My ex pulled this garbage before too... tried to get into my email behind my back then came "accusing" me of something... rather than understanding me and how I viewed HER...
Galatians 7 states: You reap, what you SOW, so for the pain you just caused me, I can't begin to imagine what you'll reap...
Next time you decide you "aren't interested in someone".. at LEAST do them courtesy of a call, text, or email , BEFORE you just up and "block" them, I think being fair and having some integrity would have been worth that, considering the time they gave YOU.
yes?
I'm shocked by what you wrote me, and wish I understood. I just told Melodee today I liked you, now she's sitting here wondering what the heck is going on TOO.
Thanks., You really know how to make a man feel like cr_ap"
Confirmation: this is not a man I want to date. This is what he acts like when he doesn't get his own way: he yells at me. He thinks he knows what I should and shouldn't do. He does not see me as a free individual who can come and go as I please. He thinks that because I gave HIM some of my time (stayed up 3 hours past my own bed time so I could listen to him on the phone, during which I could scarcely get a word in edgewise, i.e. to tell him someone in my house is allergic to cats, I tried twice to mention it), that I OWE him an explanation if I should choose to leave. Furthermore, I did not block him from CDFF. In fact, the week before when someone complained about his teasing and got him banned, I defended him in a letter to the admins and got him reinstated. I only denied him access to my FB which is my right if I choose not to have an open line of communication via that. I did not owe it to him in the first place, and I have every right to close it down if I so choose, as does anybody.
What garbage? I never got into his email. I found out what his real name was by accident, and I read his FB page and found out his ex g/f's name, which was different from the name he told me. He tried to tell me she was stalking him, but now he says she hacked his email and accused him of something.
He says I act "insecure" but setting limits and saying no is a very secure way to behave. I knew I might catch heck for it but I did it anyway.
"Being sneaky"? I googled him. Who doesn't do that?
You reap what you sow? Not everything painful is harmful. God sent fiery serpents into the camp of his beloved people. It was painful but it was the right thing to do. Sometimes love means saying no and setting limits, and yes, sometimes it hurts. I don't want it to hurt, but it would hurt more to let it go on any further when I can see it isn't going to work, when I can see that the qualities I am looking for do not reside in this individual.
"Now she's sitting here wondering what's going on too." From the beginning I said that private conversations were not anyone else's business. But since he made it someone else's business, I feel I have the need to clear my good name and to show others how unkind he has been.
I think you don't post quoted text here, tperiod. hat is rude, inconsiderate, irrelevant, and definately not Christian. Esp when it has a screen name that is on here involved. How dare you?
As for the rest? I think I'd have to say if you had just been honest with the person, and told them how you felt instead of deleting them first, as they complained, all would have been well. Instead you broke a cardinal sin of online "dating." You made them feel like you didn't care about their feelings, proven for what you wrote.
This post never should have been written, you don't attack someone needlessly or bring them up just because they made you upset. It's not cool.
I hope they take this off this page. At the very least it's inappropriate. Thanks to you, Mel left the site because you couldn't keep your comments to yourself and had to go public for your own ego. She feels violated that you would post private conversations online. Who ARE you and don't you have any conscious?
I did my own research. Half of what you wrote is misconstrued by you. There are other things you mentioned esp "the ex girlfriends name not being the one you were told" as being misconstrued as well. His view is you didn't listen well enough.
So I don't understand why you would drag that into THIS? posting someone's written conversation is terms of service violation at the least. Posting personal information given is another TOS. Then you add the fact you actually posted a screenname in the words you wrote, copied text or not, is ANOTHER TOS violation. you don't know how to edit?
I think you sound bitter. I think you sound angry. I don't see what "good" could come out in this post.
Sometimes being Christian means just letting things go, or keeping our mouths quiet. because you didn't , you hurt someone who shouldn't have been involved.
How good is that to know you didn't care about that other person's feelings? WOW.
well if it is the guy I think you are talking about then he should be outed and many women should be warned about him...I had a bad experience with someone on here also and it might be the same guy, I have found out that this guy has also been a nut in private messages to 4 other woman besides myself..And we all got together and complained to the site about him and they banned him but then a few days later he got reinstated...That is a sad thing....But instead of worrying about it we just all warn all the other woman about him...I would post all his messages to me to show how weird he is but I figured God is Good and he will reap what he sows...God Bless Dove....
We all Reap what we sow. That is in Galatians 7 I believe.
God demands we be of the mindset NOT to harm others. If someone wronged you, what good is it to add to the damage by posting bad things "weird" about someone. Your experiences of four, may NOT be the experiences of 400? Agreed?
I feel that when you add fuel to the fire, to "teach" someone about someone YOU feel is "weird" or "unsafe" you miss an important lesson from God. He wants them to make their own mistakes, and when four "Christians" gather together to add harm to one person, then how "Christian" is their attitude, as compared to the perceived "egomania"....?
I think before we criticize others, we best humble ourselves and look at the inside of our selves, and ask ourselves. Are we truly doing what God wants? Or are we doing what WE want?
I think if you can't go to someone directly to handle the issues you carry, then that is called "gossip" or "rumorbuilding."
Let's take some advice and words from Rick Warren: the book titled: What am I on earth here for?
P 165 "Gossip is the passing along of information when you are neither a part of the problem, nor part of the solution. " also "People who gossip to you, will also gossip ABOUT you. They cannot be trusted. God says, you are a troublemaker (footnote 14).
"It is sad in God's flock, the greatest wounds usually come from other sheep, not wolves. Paul warned about "cannibal Christians" who "devour one another" and destroy the fellowship. The Bible says these kinds of troublemakers should be avoided. A gossip reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a babbler. The fastest way to end a conflict is to lovingly confront those who are gossiping and insist they stop it. Solomon pointed out "Fire goes out for lack of fuel, and tensions disappear when gossip stops."
It is my view four woman do not understand this important facet it of what it means to be a Christian. You would work to destroy someone, or to warn, rather than to find a better and more productive way to address your pains? Is this what Jesus wants of you, or does it sound like you just didn't like someone for a different personality, or style, or maybe even religious or culture belief system, that did not match your own? Again, I ask when does four equal Jesus or even 400 who might disagree with you? Is this argument being continued, or.... Are you doing what Christ demands of you.
Let me say this: Whomever hurt you, understand they may not understand your pain. Your job, is to let GO of the pain, get RID of the Anger, and love your fellow brothers and sisters, in the SPIRIT of Christ. You cannot talk the talk, or walk the walk when it becomes convenient.
For the record, I've heard about this event and it was described to be my one of the online pastors as having been seen as a "witchhunt."
Is THAT, the Christian way?
I hope you're not admitting to being a part of that Witch hunt, because if you were, then you seriously need to reexamine your values of what you believe when it comes to being a Christian.
Christians, TRUE Christians, do not try to beak someone down when they've been "wronged."
They have better class than that.
What if this person claimed YOU were weird? How has he handled it, and what is he showing for living the Word of God.
If you can't stand someone here, you have the right to use the ignore feature, or should talk to that person in private.
If you cannot handle a difference of beliefs, opinions, or conflicting debates.. then you need to get OFF of this site because you will only carry your own ideologies and opinions. In my book, that doesn't sound FAIR.
my guess is this person would call those four "Crazy or Weird" as well.
has he told anyone as you have? If not, then does that not show he's taking the higher road, unlike the four?
Sounds like those women need to revisit the Bible and read it and not just think they do. You can't talk the talk or walk the walk unless you practice what you Preach.
Sounds like this discussion needs to be closed.
Of the four, I would imagine only one is acting as they should, and not gossiping about it.
That's because that person talked to somene about it and said succinctly: " I won't let one person's bad attitude ruin my day"... That person good or bad, I'd respect. They understand what God says to do.
I have read this thread and to be honest as long as you are not disclosing someones name or their identity then I think it is ok. What I not think is correct is when someone replies harsly to the author of this thread. That is not nice. Where is the compassion, where is the love.
Yes she is hurt by the whole saga so I think compassion is required here. Not ridicule.
I have experienced a few off putting things on this site myself.
I have had an american, ukrainian and nigerian writing to me. The american and the ukrainian lady both sent improper responses to me and were banned on the site. I did not get to read their responses. The nigerian lady sent me a letter and needless to say it was the same old, same old type of letter and I had to block her.
The fourth lady was an asian lady who at first seemed very genuine but you know when someone tries had to impress you they always falter near the end. I caught her out as she had 2 facebook profiles and I saw things that I was not to see.
These things made me question her and she immediately block me on facebook Then in conversation she said to me that she did not block me. She did not behave like a christian woman should and my advice to anyone guy on her is not to rush into anything take your time and talk and talk and talk.
If there are the real deal you will know. If you ask them the same question you asked 1 week ago and you get the same answer then you know they are for real but if they say something else totally different then I say run as fast as your legs can carry you or block them.
I pray that good will weed out all the fake people on this site and bring happiness to all those who are seeking true happiness.
I agree, this site is to warn people and vent about those who are not nice...You are right compassion is what is needed not long winded judgement...so sad to see so many wave the Christian flag but honestly are truly to busy judging and making horrible assumptions on many...I hope you do not have any more bad experiences...God Bless...:glow:
