One Exquisite Love Affair What sweet friends I have been blessed with during the last several days. So many thoughts have raced through my mind with both pain and joy. And as I remember him, this beloved man that suddenly appeared, then disappeared, I have two thoughts I would like to share. But first I shall offer a bit of background.
I have been single and chose not to date for more than 22 years. This choice came after losing four children, being widowed twice and lastly divorced after our blended family of 12 children were grown....his choice not mine. Loss of so much life, difficult marriages, and enormous grief had taken its toll. During the time that followed, I persued personal growth, restoration and discovered a love affair with my faith and healing.
Suddenly last year amisdt much activity around me I found a longing again and new thoughts of wanting a new love.....something I had buried deep within me and protected for years....and I began to explore. Although there is an abundance of men offering a smorgasbord of relationships in various forms.....that special man never appeared. After a year and a half and more online conversations than I want to remember, I began to think I would remain as I had....single, yet a life filled with my faith, good friends and projects. Just as I was about to retreat and remove my profiles I received his note....."I love your profile, can we chat?".... I answered and the rest is history....and it was glorious!
We never met in person, but it was though we had found a place that only G-d had chosen. We shared Him in everything!
Last Thursday afternoon my world shattered. And as quickly as he had entered, he was gone. In my grief and sorrow over this weekend two thoughts came to me recalling love, death and rejection.
The first thought is recalling love and rejection in the face of death. My emotions as I face the death of a loved one overwhelms my being often to the point of collapse. Tears fill my heart and bleed through my eyes running like a river until there are few left and they become a slow trickle. For in death it is not the rejection of the one loved whether it be a husband or a child but the Creator Himself offers and draws all to Himself drawing me ever closer to Him. For I cry, why give this one I love for such a short time only to have love ripped from my arms? For I would not have known love without the giving of love nor the depth without it's ripping loss. Always revered and treasured and life changing for one has no control over death.
The second thought is recalling love and death in the face of rejection. For those of us who have found the one where we thought love could abide forever only to experience it's death through rejection I am reminded of two thoughts from friends.
I was going through a divorce and my friend had just lost her husband in an auto accident. Her quote as I remember it was..." The only difference between your loss and mine is in the rejection. Mine is the rejection of life lost through death but there is still love. Yours is the death of love through rejection. Yours is far more difficult!".
The second thought was from a more recent friend who was on this site until recently. I have his permission to share his thoughts from earlier this year.
As a woman do you ever wonder why when a relationship seems so right the man becomes distant or disappears....leaving you confounded and confused?
"You are ....a woman of such contrasts so incredibly strong and certain (guided by spiritual beliefs which are the bedrock in which all else rests) ... a woman who is delicate and fragile (such a deep capacity for love....a woman who is guided by propriety and etiquette, who values simplicity and kindness and all that is beautiful in this world)...... knowing men would be attracted........ knowing that so many more men would be intimidated, some by your strength, others by recognizing the tremendous responsibility one would undertake to ensure they would not be the one to take advantage of your frailties, being the ones who would only disappoint you."
As I see it, whether LOVE has been taken by rejection in death or the rejection of love in life....it is still a love worth experiencing.
I was given the opportunity of an exquisite love affair. One that woke the most sleeping and protected places within me. It confounded my being and awakened my heart as never before. Although he is gone the love he gave me remains as a testimony to a love affair I know was mine to remember.
For I would never have known love had the BELOVED never loved me.
The capacity and experience you've shared to live, love, explore, and understand the dynamics of a male and female relationship, have been quite inspiring and yet equally awesome! This of course is not to minimize your obvious disappointment and hurt encountered in your last interaction......may God truly give you the comfort, assurance and healing only found in His presence!
Love and loss......an interesting topic and title because I've always wondered myself, like you've expressed, the thoughts of God when we love, intensely, in whatever type of relationship created, to often later there's a "falling away" of attraction, attention and interest! And if it's love ones He's given us biologically or thru marriage, He then choses to take them back unto Himself! God in His incredible sovereignty and omnipotence!
I guess the clich� I've heard from a young girl is true: "It's better to have loved and loss, then to have never loved at all!" Be blessed child of God.
Thank you and blessings for your kind words! This experience has been a light in the shadows and will continue to produce His longing for my well being!
