You can find the beginning about 4 pages back. This is my continuation.
How does a child grow and become secure when a father is always sleeping and working.
How does a child learn how to love when they are left alone to their selves? How does a child learn how to have self control when they have no example?
How does a child learn how to control their anger when their example is anger?
How does a child learn how to be a giver?
How does a child learn how to communicate when communication is always hostile and in the form of yelling. Because the child is never heard and recognized.
How does a child learn how to treat his siblings when there is no one to referee?
How do siblings learn how to communicate when there is no example?
How does a child learn how to love and care for a spouse when they are to survive alone. How does a child learn how to respect a spouse when there is the void of respect in a family?
How does a child learn how to have respect for a parent when no respect is given to a child? How does a child learn how to respect a sibling when no respect is modeled?
How does a child learn how to respect their self when they were never given any respect and show of value?
How does a boy become a man when there is no man in his life?
How does a boy learn how to trust when no one can be trusted because he has been abandoned?
BUT GOD!!!!!!
God�s plan is not for our comfort but for our holiness. For God� Son did not have comfort but He endured the cross for our holiness and righteousness. He was rejected that we might be welcomed into the beloved and be beloved by God.
So God���Again used the life of my wife to make me what I lacked. He tormented me emotionally that I might yield my life over to Him.
Some of those moments of torment turned out to be the greatest memories for me like my first moment in Court. The moment I already shared.
Through the trials my wife brought me through the court system I developed a greater relationship with my God but also I developed a great relationship with my daughter.
At this time Heather was living for self and she had found another man to seek fulfillment in. She wanted to begin a new life with him and she had left our daughter with me expecting our daughter to come with her when she was ready. What she didn�t realize even though our daughter loves her mom she doesn�t like her very much. So her selfish decision actually turned out to be a blessing for both of us. My daughter and I.
I had wanted for my daughter and I something greater than I had with my parents and that was time and relationship. I knew what was lacking in my life so it was easy to give to her what was lacking.
The issue of my heart was I didn�t know how to give a woman what she needed. I wish I did because in my heart I loved my wife but I didn�t have the capacity to love her with my actions. Today she still hates me and she even had me jailed for being a couple months behind on my child support. I cant blame her for her anger toward me. I guess since she still has such emotion towards me she has yet to truly get over me and get past her past.
My time in Jail was a real eye opener for me. I had another issue of my home being a idol in my life and holding onto this world to strongly. I used this opportunity to surrender over to God my worldly possessions. It was amazing because I would walk around and pray for heather and hope she would be released fro her bondage of anger toward me. I prayed that she would find repayment toward me and if not I took this as retribution on her part for all the hurt I caused her.
Even in that I found in my new woman Lalneikim a commitment that I never found in Heather. What testing to a relationship can their be than being placed in jail without any communication? When I was free and asked her if she was still mine and I hers I was reassured by her in relationship.
My new good woman and I went through our first trial together and we came out shining. What a blessing my old wife could ever give us. My old wife every time she tried to take something from me God used her life to give me a blessing.
Well the story of our financial battle went on till our daughter turned 18 and everything came to an end with my old wife. There is not many details to share that would interest you the reader.
But God��..Here is the part of my life I want to share and that is the transformation that went on inside of me concerning my view of woman and how to treat them leading me to finding my precious bride to be.
Maybe I was not yet a mamber when you shared first part of your story, I'll just take it from the second part.
Being behind with few months on your child's support does't make you any less of one of the few best man existing. You still gave what you could, which was love, time & relationship to your daughter. Memories of you two guys will always be registered in her mind, like:
When you kissed her forehead with that warm fatherly kiss.
When you were there to wipe away tears running through her chicks.
When you just silently looked at her straight in her eyes & maybe didn't say that you loved her verbally, but your facial expression said it even louder than you could have said verbally.
That was the time you two where strinded together & only had each others back.
She'll always have memories of being in your fatherly arms for protection.
Games you played together.
Smiles that were shared from the heart, accompanied by laughter.
How you called her name, either when angry or cheerfull.
School homeworks & assignments done together.
Meals shared with love, maybe not even fancy meals, but the very thought of having that with her father was fulfilling.
The list carries on dear friend, the bottom line is that you were there in a little way that you could, and gave priceless memories, something that you'll both cherish untill the second return of our Lord Christ Juses.
I never had any of those memories from either parents, not a meal peacefully enough to register in my mind. Enough said about my past, its a closed chapter now, done talking about it and very glad I did offload as much as possible.
Think its only natural for you to desire the very great for your daughter, what you've missed during your childhood. I was telling Teach in one of our personal converstions, that:
"This other colligue of mine from work, she just found out that she's pregnant and she's very stressed since this is gonna be her third child and she's not married. She doesn't know how her parents are gonna take this,
Worried again about the father if he's gonna support he's child since the previous one doesn't.
I jokingly said: please don't get rid of the child,
Go through with your pregnancy I'll take the child & raise as mine. We both agreed jokingly & laughed about it as going back to our departments.
I'm amazed now that all I think off is this coming child. I just love the idea of having a little one given to me as my own. I know i'm gonna hurt myself by nourishing these thoughts, but just can't help it but to wonder how its like picking one up after working hours from after care.
Bathing him/her & playing
Genuine smlie from that little face that i'll smile back to.
Being responsibile for ones well being... Just to cut the list short"
Think that comes from the emptyness I had as a child. That's why I took an innocent joke so personal & wonder if she somehow meant it when promised to give me the child.
And again we surely need our enemies dear. Where would Juses be without Judas who betrayed him?
Would Hannah have Samuel without Peninah?
Would I be striving so hard to make it, if my father & my bother don't treat me like trash?
Where was David without Saul, would Did be ordained king without he's worst enemy Soul?
Our enemies bring out the best in us,
Depending on how we take enmity from them, do we take it positive or negative.
My daughter has been attending church with me each sunday and after I treat her to Lunch at a nice resturant but the best part is sitting accross from eachother and relating through conversation.
How did I learn how to relate when I had such a poor example?
Praise God that He relates with me and in doing so I learn how to relate with others.
Individuals who make God some cold distant being are missing out on the treasure and crown of who God is.
Praise God we have set a date for our wedding on Jan 3 2014. To discover unity especially with a woman without the consumation yet of relationship in marriage is the very thing I have searched for all these years and now finally realising the fullness of Spirit, emotion and physicallity in the consumation of our relationship this new year.
I had desire to share my story about our coming together and the work God had performed to do this. The practical expression of a God obedient relationship. I wounder who is interested in the practical reality of finding this sort of untiy.
It seems most people have it figured out for their selves and I wounder if our practical expressions will make a difference in anyones life.
What it takes is abandoning what we think we know about relationship and a willingness to persue Gods will completly.
I wounder if anyone is willing to do this..........
