I have no idea how it is possible for a date to go this wrong.
As a man, only occasionally do I get a woman who will e-mail and express her interest. Since I am not fond of being ignored, I extended to her a responds and she seemed interesting enough to pursue a first date. For me a "first date" in online dating terms means "meet and greet." Usually there is no chemistry as you have your walls up and are just trying to figure out who this person is. All I am looking for from a first date, is some good food, and hopefully some laughter. But this date...was not that.
I digress. So after some wrangling and frustrating date changing she settles on a date that will work for the both of us. This girl (who I will call Rapunzel) decided to drive down to see me. Bold. As such I extend to her the courtesy of buying lunch at a nice place but because of her diet she changes it to another place... a hole in the wall that I frequent often (i.e. I know the owners and all the wait staff well) I agree and we meet.
She starts off asking to know more about my history, and where I went to school, and so I tell her about my colorful and varied past as entertainingly, yet succinctly as I can (there is a lot), and I naturally move the conversation to her.
She lets me know that she is about to go to a Buddhist Retreat to do silent meditation for five days.
"Oh." I said. "I thought you were a Messianic Jew...."
"Well I am Jewish, but I work for an organization in SF that represents the rights of Muslims that have been discriminated against."
"Really?" Here is a woman who has a Master's degree in Biblical Studies, claims to be Jewish, going to a Buddhist retreat, who is clearly passionate about Muslim rights. How does this woman reconcile all of this conflict in her mind? It can be done....I could do it through the Christian lens of Justice.. but it was clear she was not about Justice.
Before I can turn it to a light hearted conversation, she becomes annoying quick. She asks me what my Arabic father think about Islamic rights - since he is a Christian. What I believe about Islam, Am I a zionist.... So I politely side step the conversation, letting her know that my Dad has his own views. So She starts asking about mine!
All I want to do is eat the great food that was served to us. It had become clear that she had a political agenda (and possibly one, to prove to the world that her beliefs where true and correct)
I know when a person wants to have an open dialogue about tough topics. I have my "education " and been an overseas missionary for years. I also know when a person is itching for a fight to prove how right they are. This lady was itching bad to get some blows in. And I did not want to engage. So I asked her outside of work does she have some fond child hood memmories? Oops
Turns out she grew up in Israel, but is very Anti-Israel. Now reader, please don't think that my political or religious views are the digital opposite views of this person. Mine are complex, usually involve policy, and are more focused on seeing real needs met. But who wants a discussion about the Israel/Palestine conflict on a first date?? I don't. Mainly because to deal with the topic adequately time must be spent assessing the assumptions behind the debate.
So at this point I want to put an end to this. But we just got the food, and I don't want to offend my friends at the restaurant. So I say, Look. hear is a brief outline of my position, maybe we can talk about it more in an email.... Her response:
"I can see how, since your dad is an Arabic christian, your views are un-informed."
I stop her, and firmly but calmly tell her. "Please, don't marginalize and dismiss my views as 2nd hand trivia learned from my dad. You don't know what he believes or how I came to my position while getting my Masters certificate. You're job is to defend the marginalized, and here you are doing it to me. That's not fair now is it?"
"Oh well, its time to go" She grabs her purse and pretends to leave...but has to stop to eat one more spring roll....."I am sorry I offended you"
I said "You're statement didn't offend me. You said something that wasn't true, and I called you on it. I challenged your argument." She started to sulk, but can't drop the subject.
She tells me: "Well if you actually read Edward Said on orientalism.
"I have."
"Did you actually read it?"
"Yes. I had to read it as part of my major."
"But did you read it."
"What's your point?"
"Well if you understood Edward Said...."
"I understood him, and I disagree with him..... Oh good the check is here."
Thank God for that Check.
My brother is a Marine. He said he would have gotten up half way through and said - you didn't offend me - you Annoy me!
Instead I politely said Good Bye (without a "hope to see you again") and an "Enjoy your life." She is the only person I have ever thought of in the following terms. ..... "A Hairy sack of religious potatoes."
The next day I got an email. "You are handsome and intelligent in a soul-full way. I didn't mean to hurt you... maybe we could....."
Hurt me? Crazy, You don't have the ability to hurt me.... Annoy me - yes. All i wanted was some good food and to laugh.
That was the worst Date ever! So my question to you dear reader. How could I have gotten out of that date any sooner? By the way. That was the first date I have been on in three years, since my ex-fiancee and I broke up. If this is what dating life is like now.....Any tips on avoiding that sort of date?
You poor man! You handled it very charitably though. Don't worry, there are lots of nice people out there. You just happened to get a lemon that time. God has someone for you! Keep smiling. It made a good story at least!:)
Wow is all I can say. Dating is hard after a break up and also a long time of not dating together. It sounds as through you did the right thing. She did not sound like she was taking all her medicines. I do think it is a good thing that you were not the one driving to see her. For the advice I would give you, don't give up. There is a women that believes the way yourself does.
Thanks Bro. Had a good laugh. I live in the Bay Area so i know what you're talking about. I always pray that God delivers me from raging liberal feminists. I'd rather hang myself.
I too, have met some "Christians" on here similar to the person you discribed above. For me, I like to chat on-line for awhile, slipping in pointed questions here and there, then waiting to see how they are answered or ignored them. If a woman insist on meeting right away. I turn her down flat.
My reasoning:
First off by extensive emailing we build a fouindation, so when or if we meet we have something to talk about.
Secondly I have found that individuals when emailing there is an automony that occurs and people tend to let there gaurd down.
Thirdly if they have a clever ruse going on, it well start fot fall apart as I ask my pointed question. I aways try to ask a question on a answer given. Pushing the person to divulge the true intent or motive
IF I see a red flag, I will ask question concerning that flag.
Last but certainly not the least, I PRAY all the time asking the Holy Spirit to reveal what He wants me to know about this person.
I have met some really wonderful sisters on this site and have made some good friends. No rib yet but it will hapen in Gods time.
