I've only had two dating relationships in my life. The first lasted a whole three months, and ended over two years ago. The second...well, it was more recent. And I learned a LOT from it. Here's my story:
About a week ago, the guy I'd been dating for the past six months finally admitted that he thought we should have a little more clarity about where the relationship was heading. He never would come right out and say where HE wanted the relationship to go. He beat around the bush, hemmed and hawed, talked in riddles, etc. I finally said "Well, what I'm hearing is that you don't really see this heading toward marriage. Is that correct?" I was correct. It's been a little difficult for me, because I really did like the guy, but now that I'm on the other side of situation, I realize that there were some problems that I was ignoring.
I don't want to go into all the gory details, but here are a few things that I learned:
1) A guy should always be intentional in his relationship with a girl. He shouldn't make her say the hard things, and he shouldn't lead her on if he knows for sure that the relationship is going nowhere. He should also provide security in the relationship; ending a date with the words "Well, I guess I'll call you sometime, maybe" is NOT acceptable. It constantly keeps the girl on edge, and makes her wonder if that was the last time she would ever hear from him.
2) A guy should be proud of the girl he's dating, and want to introduce her to his friends and family. When he has one excuse after another as to why his immediate family doesn't even know that he's dating someone, there's a problem somewhere.
3) A guy should be confident and able to make decisions in a timely fashion. For example, when a girl asks a guy to escort her to a social event, and gives him a couple weeks' notice on that, he should be able to say "yes" or "no" at least a week before the event...there is no excuse for waiting until the day before. When a guy also exhibits these indecisive traits in several other areas of his life, it's a huge warning sign.
4) A guy should want to spend time with his girlfriend. If he only wants to spend time with her when HE feels like it, or when he is bored, or when he feels obligated to do so, there is a serious problem. Just imagine how a marriage would be.
5) A guy who claims to be a Christian should show evidence of a walk with God. Even if he's a good person, he needs to have a personal knowledge of God that he has learned from experience and personal study, not just facts that he learned while looking up information to use in arguments with other Christians. He should also not look for excuses to skip church. If he's unhappy in his current church, he should begin to seek another church where God can use him.
I'm sure there are other things I learned from this last relationship, but those five are the first ones that come to mind.
So where am I now? I'm single again, obviously. I'm also a little bit wiser. And if I'm lucky enough to ever be in another relationship, I hope that I won't ignore red flags just because I "like" the guy.
Wow bcpianogal, so much wisdom right there! I just want to say that no matter what we still love you bcpianogal, and I hope you find your fitting ribcage. On your 4th point, I have to admit that I really did dislike this idea quite a bit in the past and I am still afraid of it. I have lost many close friends because my best friends all decided to spend more time with their girlfriends than with me. As you know, I am a loner with only 1-2 friends. When my friends enter into a relationship, I get a little worried. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them and wish them happiness for the rest of their lives, but they leave me like a memorable phase in life that needs forgetting.
My first friend went into a relationship and started to spend more and more time with his girlfriend than me, and eventually he stopped hanging out with me.
My second friend also went into a relationship and also started spending less time with me. But this time, I was involved in a church scandal (or so they call it) and I was excommunicated. He was initially willing to support me whatever wrong i did and be a friend, but soon his girlfriend turned him against me and I quickly found myself alone once again.
I guess that's why I never liked the idea of relationships and dating from that day forth.
I've had the same thing happen, where a good friend would start dating someone, and suddenly they had no more time for me or other friends. And I don't think that's right. There has to be a balance. If I'm friends with someone, I'm not going to abandon that friendship just because I start dating someone. Sure, I might have to adjust my schedule a little to make room for dates, but I should still be able to balance my work life, my social life, and my dating life. Any guy who expects me to completely abandon my friends and spend ALL of my free time and social time with him is too controlling for me.
The problem comes in when a guy (or a girl, for that matter) simply doesn't seem to want to be around the person he or she is dating. For example, dates are only scheduled for twice a month, and are short dates at that (think lunch dates that last for less than an hour). Longer dates are very infrequent. That's how my relationship was. I had to finally ASK that we see each other a little more frequently (I think I suggested getting together about once a week), yet things didn't really change. Oh, and I should point out that we lived just 20-25 minutes from each other. It's not like it was a long-distance relationship.
Definately the wrong kind of man. During the last serious relationship I had, I couldnt stop thinking about her. Our dates usually lasted anywhere from 4-7 hours, depending upon what had been planned. I remember one that lasted an entire Saturday. I picked her up and took her to breakfast. By 8:30am we were at an amusement park near where I live. We rode almost every ride and had lunch. We stayed there until 3:00pm. We then went to a nature museum and stood in amazement at God's creations. I took her home so she could change clothes and we went to a very nice restaurant for dinner. We spent the final couple of hours of the date just sitting on the hood of my car, talking. I went home about 11:00pm. So, that date lasted about 17 hours.
Dont worry, bcpianogal, one day you will find a man who treats you as you deserve to be treated.
i have to agree with @apostelle,when i guy really loves or like a woman one day seems not enough,you can talk for hours without getting bored,and he will surely make an effort to make time for you.
be thankful that you know him early,the sooner the better:) GOD will grant your prayers in his perfect timing!
