Author Thread: non-relationship
song0joy

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non-relationship
Posted : 5 May, 2011 12:54 AM

I'm kind of lost here. I know that starting at friendship really sets some boundaries, but if a guy likes you, wouldn't he be the one the plan a date, make a call, or initiate contact, just once in a while?

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bcpianogal

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Posted : 5 May, 2011 06:10 AM

I'm not entirely sure I'm understanding your question, but I'll try to answer it the best I can.



If a guy likes you, yes, he should initiate contact, plan a date, etc., at least once in a while. But if you are "just friends", and haven't officially moved beyond the "just friends" stage, he probably thinks that you ought to be contacting him, taking part in planning friendly outings, etc. He would be right, if you two are genuinely "just friends." (Though, he still should make some effort to contribute to the friendship...if he's not contributing, maybe he's not really a good friend.) If you think that you are already "more than friends", but he doesn't share that opinion, then both of you need to do some serious talking.

It is very difficult to move from "just friends" to "more than friends." The way I see it, one or both of the people in the friendship has to reach a point where they are willing to take that leap and risk the entire friendship if things don't work out. Perhaps you are ready to take that risk, but he's not? That could be why you are feeling that he's not holding up his end of the relationship.

Like I said, though, I'm not sure that's exactly what you were getting at in your post.

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i_live_in_canada

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Posted : 5 May, 2011 08:56 AM

A little more info would help us be able to give better advice. All I can say based on my dating experiences is don't waste your time on some one that's not sure. Yes show some interest but don't be the one doing all the work. You want a man that is fully into you. That apreacates and realizes what a gift you are to him. The saying "don't throw your pearls to swine" is a good one to live by. You can't make any one like or love you.



The best way to know if he is interested is to back off. Trust me if they are interested they will do some work. In the end he will either apreacate you or be gone. But you won't feel hurt and confused.



Best wishes

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song0joy

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Posted : 5 May, 2011 11:44 PM

Well, we've been talking for a while and gone out twice, but it seems as though he's not just "quiet". I like him well enough, but I am usually the one to text or plan things. I don't know, maybe I'm just looking at his quiet nature and thinking, "How the heck am I to know if he even likes me well enough?" I know I'm not the only lady who likes to be pursued and to know that the person in front of her is really interested in her. I get this awkward feeling like I'm leading the relationship...

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Posted : 6 May, 2011 05:00 AM

Talk to him about it. He may not understand where the relationship is.

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Posted : 6 May, 2011 05:10 AM

Cobbler's right. Being up-front with your concerns is the best approach.

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song0joy

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Posted : 12 May, 2011 02:06 AM

Thanks guys. Sometimes I need just that little bit of encouragement.

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