I am engaged to a Lady who lives 7000 miles away from me. We are planning to be married in May of this year. We have a relationship beyound what my heart could have imagined. It will be 2 years for us this January. We met here in this site.
Here is my path God ordained for me leading up to finding my hearts desire.............
This is a story that can move anyone to tears.But one thing i love about it is that the person in it is already past it.It is usually fullfilling when we can be able to talk about a painful past without any pain at all.Because God has delivered us from the past.
I'm so inspired by this...Thank you so much for your story
It was now 1999 my daughter would have been 4 and we would have been married for 6 years. The things we desire and dream about having a family of our own. Having people to love and love us in return. Is it to much to ask for in life?
But God is good..........God knows our hearts and our desires and he knows that taking away what we most want benifits us.
You ask How does this benifit us? Well for first we palce other relationships as idols before God and God is a jealous God. Not that he is like a crazy jealous god like some you have probally known. LOL
God is jealous for our effection first because He knows we need God and He wants to provide for us what we really need not what our demented minds decided we need.
Thanks be it to God now I have this little apartment and my sweet daughter back in my life. Even on a limited basis of having her every other weekend I would make the most of our time together. She would have my undivided attention and we would play and laugh together. I remember that she loved to jump off the couch and I would catch her. Of course I placed manny pillows down incase of a accident.
Those were fun bonding times for us. Times I never had with any of my parents. But it was not all fun because my daughter had some dicipline issues that I had to deal with early on. You see a effective parent is a ballanced parent.
Ballanced in giving love and dicipline. And dicipline is not punishment but correction accomponied by consequences. Consequences that are fitting for the crime and expressed to the child in advance.
Children need love but they need the security of boundries. Boundries create security which is the opposite of fear. I had no boundries but walls and great fear. My daughter today has boundries and no walls and a great strength and security.
Good parenting and doing the difficult work as a parent is worth the sacrifice. You have to be prepared to hear for your child tell you that "you dont love them or they hate you" Children try everything to test your resolve.
The great thing about effective parenting is that you never have to become out of controll with your child not saying i havent blown my lid with her. I think mabe once or twice in span of years did I.
In any relationship trust has to be developed especially with children.
God knows this and since we are His children it is His responsibiltiy to develop trust with us and thanks be it to God HE DOES........
Think about it for a moment we are so buisy trying to earn Gods trust but it is God who leads us in being able to trust Him. It is not that God needs to trust us but we needing to trust Him, right?
The same goes for a parent child relationship. I remember one time when I caught Eden in a lie. It was a small lie but a lie at that. So what did I do? Did I dismiss it at something small? Did I blow up over it because it hurt my feelings that she would lie to me?
No I did neither. I made it a mile stone in our relationship. A marker. But of what? My ficus was not on the lie but the relationship between us. I asked her what kind of relationship she wanted with me. A honest one or one build on lies. I asked her does she want the truth with me and if I lied to how would she feel? Obviously she would feel bad. I asked her does she want to make me feel bad? I asked her does she want me to trust her?
You see rather than trying to make her be honest I was building the blocks of integrity in her mind and heart. I was correcting her and loving her all at the same time. I was focusing on my desire for a strong relationship and our love for oneanother. I never had to force eden to do anything because a childs desire is for love and to love.
How do I know these things? It wasnt because my parents modled them for me ...........BUT GOD....became the Daddy to a lost young man and parented me.
Tearning up.......Praise God
When we become a child of God He never see a negitive thing about us ever again because we are washed in the blood. We have to begin viewing our children, spouse and those we love as such as well. What happens when a person is viewed as no good they become no good. Some times we all have temporary insanity.
We have to try viewing those who we love as good. Did my daughter purposly not brush her teeth to rebel against me. No she didnt. She was just being lazy. When she lied she was just reacting our of craziness and fear because she was exposed. But she didnt have any malicious motives against me.
We interpit individuals actions and words through the linse of life we are given. Our lense is either insecurity and fear of love and strength. Insecurity and fear come from the flesh and love and strength come from God.
Whatever your feeling right now if you seek God with your whole heart he will build love and strength into you as a glorious fruit in your life that those who partake of your fruit will be blessed and God will receive glory through you......
1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 2For by it the elders obtained a good report. 3Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
4By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh. 5By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.
6But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
It is the year 2000. I am living in a one room apartment. My daughter is back in my life and my business is being successful.
Things are beginning to look up in my life. They are no where near perfect but I am having a bit of a break from hardship and pain.
My daughter is acting up with her mother and we beging to talk more for our daughters sake and actually make some decisions concerning her together.
I had always remained hopeful and stood by faith that God would intervein and their would be reconcilliation with my wife.
The sunday morning the Partor was making a rededication call for the congregation. Even before he said it I knew my wife was going to be one of those who was going to go foward. I have a sense of things like this before they happen.
The next thing I knew my eye was drawn right in where she was sitting. I didnt even know she was now attending church once again. This is no small church either. I watched her stand up and move forward to the stage just as I had seen it in my mind. I got up and moved down to stand next to her and began to weep. I dont know if she was weeping also but she probally was.
We didnt talk and I didnt even stay around to talk with her after we just went our seperate ways at least as I remember. She might remember differently. You see more than my wanting her to be my wife again was my desire for her faith and relationship with her God.
When God touched her heart to go foward it was a answer to my prayers for her and a rush of emotion out of love for her came across me like a tidal wave.
The bible says that if a wife leaves her husband let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. How was my wife to be reconcilled to me unless I was ready and willing to receive her?
God has done so much more to reconcile us to Him and my waiting was a small thing compared to His sacrifice, right?
I really wanted to have the mind of Christ and even though I failed in some areas miserabilly I found sucess in some areas as well. Thanks be it to Gods example.
My motives behind wanting to marry my wife was out of selfish need and guilt but even so my heart was pure in my desire to love her and follow Christs leading.
My problem was that my emotions and desire made me like a unstable crazy man many times still. I was still not a stable individual. My motives were hidden from me. I had still a lot of growing left to do.
But How was God going to do this?
My financial mentor who also was bring me to God to know God more was teaching me about being still and hearing the voice of God.
He wanted me to pray over everything including the mondain of choosing what socks to wear that day. Even though I thought it to be silly I tried.
I cant say I prayed over my socks or underwear to many time but other things like should I go right or left. I remember one time I was praying over which way to go and it brought me to a place where I ran into a old school mate of mine. That was pretty cool.
You see up to now my only form of hearing God was through the bible and not my spirit. I was honestly afraid to even consider such a thing though I couldnt admit it.
Beside the voices inside my head were all jumbled up and the word of God was clear and outside of me. I felt secure with listening and following Gods word.
But their seemed to be something to the Spirit speaking even in the bible talking about it. Take Moses and the burning bush where God spoke in the still soft voice. How do you hear a still soft voice when their is so much noise happening in my head?
My head, my desires, my emotions.....Fear, anger, passion, hatred, insecurity........LUST......LUST......selfishness......Self protection..........
All these voices.......One day I was standing on a beach. Yes really......
Doesnt every good story beging with a beach? Haha..
This beach was at Sandy Cove in MD. It is a Christian retreat where i had attended a mens retreat a few times. It was the morning. I was walking along the shore line by the bay. The wind was still. I was alone because you know Guys like to sleep in. Their first place is the bathroom and then food. So I had the beach all to my self.
The wind was still the water was still. Everything was still. Then I heard way across the water this bark. I couldnt see a dog all I could do was hear a bark.
Then came the voice of God ( tears flowing now) He said this is how you hear me.
Be still and know that I am God. He bagan to teach me that it is through stillness that His voice comes to me the listener.
Now nottice i didnt say it is through clearing your mind. But being still.
So how do we become still when the voices are raging?
I recall many times that I would go off and pray either in my home or in my truck. I would drive to a park where I could be alone and try praying.
Many times nothing would come to mind and I would become tired and fall asleep. The emotion and thoughts that overwealmed me where to great to even begin expressing them.
God knew this about me and He knows this about you. BUT GOD never leaves us or forsakes us. But God whants to know how much we want Him in return. He wants us to struggle and seek for Him. He wants us to wait on Him.
It is in our waiting that God moves in a mysterious way. We dont see it but Gods Spirit is working to open us up because sin has closed us down. In our waiting God is clearing away the confusion untill it all breaks loose.
Like a constipated individual emotionally God is the fiber to bring forth all of our waste. The fiber is stillness. Stillness causes us to be alone and see the unsettled mind we have. Stillness causes us to see our selves as we truly are.
A needy, despirate, lost, confused individual in need of care and love. In need of security and strength.
This great work of sanctification is the beauty of salvation of our souls. Saved from our selves. It is through stillness that God saves us from us.
The work is not without reward. God will come and He will give love like you never experienced when you realise your great sin and you hear the voice of God say Child I love you. This is the beginning of trust.
In Gods love comes a great flood of tears and a release of emotional pressure that is built up and blocking the intimacy God desires with us. Through prayer and stillness God meets us and we find the intimacy we have desired all of our lives.
The intimacy of total love and acceptance. Now when we are in the fullness of Gods love we are equipped to fulfill our other desire that is to express love to others.
So now I am a more emotionally stable man through Gods Love for me and I am communicating with my daughters mother. We began to become friendly again and the tension between us has dissipated to nothing.
One day she approached me and got down on her knees and brought out a ring and preposed marriage to me. What was I going to say but of course. This is the very thing I had been trusting God with and waiting for. Glory to God.
In my mind we were never divorced anyway. The scripture say let no one seperate what God has joined together. I believed that God is the only one that can break the joining He has created. Their are two things that do this.
Death being one of them and remarriage. Obviously death is a perminant state of being and remarriage prevents a individual to have the ability to repent. God says those who marry a divorced individual are commiting adulty with them. Do you know why?
When a individual marries a divorced individual you become the block that would prevent repentence and reconcilliation. You become the shears that would cut the cord.
When God says let no man seperate you become the one who perminatly seperates two.
Thanks be it to God that no man got in the way by marriage to perminatly seperate my wife and I.
God had shown me that this was coming and He had me prepare by faith for this day.
1And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; 2Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: 3Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
4But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
It is not easy to wait, it is not easy to walk by faith, It is not easy to forgive those who hurt and wound us deeply. It is not easy to forgive those who betray us. Its impossible on our own.
The Spirit is in conflict with our flesh and the flesh is in conflict with our Spirit. Light and dark have no dwelling together.
Forgiveness comes by looking to the cross and Jesus. How else would we forgive because we are not wired to forgive but to judge.
When we understand how much we were forgiven by God How can we not forgive others? When we realise we are given good gifts rather than punishment How can we not also give gifts?
If we are walking in the Spirit of God then we will be forgiving individuals. Do we not still sin against God and He has not forsaken us? Do we not still enjoy the bennifit of forgiveness from God?
Then how is it that we fail to offer what we are given to our spouses? How can we not give complete forgiveness? How can we not offer a second chance over and over. If we know the work God has done in us how can we not have faith to work in our spouse?
Well since I have recieved so much from God I then was able to give the same to my wife. The forgiveness of her infidelity.
