I was approached by a man on another dating site. He professes to be a Christian, and was even considering becoming a minister at one point in his life.
After chatting and exchanging emails for a bit, we decided to meet for lunch at a public place since we live in neighboring towns. He was very charming, and made it very clear off the bat that he was looking for a LTR. His profile said he was "divorced" so I asked him about that. He replied that he had been separated for 4 years and the divorce would be final in about 6 weeks. I asked him why he listed himself as divorced...and he insisted he was!
"We haven't been together for 4 years, " he said, "we just haven't been to court yet."
"Which means that technically you're still married." I stated. He proceeded to argue with me about that and I decided to just let it lie. I was not happy that I was on a "date" with a married man, but I decided to just be gracious and part after the meal amicably. He had different ideas about that.
During the course of our conversation about his upcoming divorce, he mentioned that he hadn't slept with anyone for "almost 18 months." I think I was supposed to be impressed with his self-control but wasn't.
Then...again, while he was talking about himself, he used the phrase, "one of my divorces..." . Now...being a teacher I have a tendency to pay attention to "red flags" (as if there hadn't already been enough of them...but now I was kind of intrigued by disbelief). I asked, "How many divorces have you had?" He said..."I'll tell you that later." I replied, "Now is as good a time as any."
"Well," he said, " this is my 7th divorce."
"Seven," I asked, thinking I had heard wrong.
"Yes," he said, very meekly (not!), "seven. That's why I'm looking for a Christian woman this time."
I am not often speechless...but for a few seconds I actually was, and a good thing too... because he continued..."This time I'm not going to get married until I live with her for a while. Three of my marriages we didn't live together before and 4 times we did. I'm gonna be more careful this time."
There was more...but in short I told him I was not the "girl" for him, that I had no intention of living, sleeping, or being intimate with him or anyone else before I was married to them. He replied by telling me I was unreasonable and it was ridiculous of me to expect any man to marry me without "trying the shoe on first". (This part of the conversation took place in the parking lot). When I would not back down...he turned and walked away...we both got into our vehicles and went our separate ways.
You'ld think that would be the end of that. Later that night he called and said he had thought about it and it would be ok if we just shared a bed but didn't have sex. Anyway...that conversation ended by his telling me that my problem was that I was "Baptist" and that anyone who thought the Trinity made sense needed to read their bible and get real. "The trinity isn't anywhere in the Bible...check it out" he said. I told him I had no interest in anyone who was going to tear down my beliefs just because I wouldn't go along with what they wanted...and that he was acting like a petulant child who didn't get what he wanted. We hung up.
About a month later I got a message from him..."What are you doing this weekend? You wanna go out." I said,"no."
and blocked him from contacting me again on that site.
Perhaps I should have gotten up from the table at the very first "red flag" and just left. I thought that would be rude...I still second guess myself on that. I was sadly reminded that many will say in that day..."Lord, Lord, didn't we..." and will hear in response..."I never knew you...Depart from me..."
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. James 1:27 KJV
I have experienced 3 dates with similar disbelief. Not to the level of that man but all had such wordly ideas of what a Christian relationship/marriage should be I could only react in shock. A girl friend and I concluded that we must truly realize that the "wheat" and the "tares" are planted side by side and will only be recongnized when they bare fruit...nuff said. Can you say, "Discern the days we live in?" and RUN THE OTHER WAY! lol
Outstanding post!!! I am impressed. I often second guess myself for not being more of "Jesus with skin on" and wonder about my accountability on "that day" through my words or lack of same. Bot I Then remember that sometimes all I'm asked to do is plant is a seed. It sounds to me that you planted an awesome one! Good for you! I know you were hurt and I'm sorry. However; may I remind you that our reality is not always the same as His! And all will be revealed on that day! through Him you have accomplished more in the the glory of His Kingdom than you will know "until that day".
We are oftentimes asked to give more of ourselves than we believe is possible. Belief and faith is what builds our resume in heaven. All the rest - love, patience, joy and all the promises in 1st Cor.: 13 is and offshoot of that. Love the Lord your God with all your heart , spirit and mind and then love others! This is what I still daily strive to hope for.
Yet; though easier said than done - we are called to be better. Please don't allow yourself to continue to this man to rent space in you head. God has SO much better for yo!. And I know that as a fact!.....For I stand as a witness before you this day. I give you this choice - the choice between life and death. Blessings and curses. Oh that you would choose life! That you and your children would live in the land that will I give you to possess!
Sorry but a loose translation of among Moses last words before he died in the land he got to see, but never entered. Don't you think that God has since given him so much more? I do not intend to support an excuse for any woman and more so, for a man - for more is required of a man. But I'm learning the importance of Jesus'es last words on the cross, because He was so right on. "Dear Lord, forgive them - for they know not what they do..."
I am so far from being what I keep striving for daily. Pray for me. After 3 divorces I still question if I wasn't meant to live alone for all the pain I have caused.
P.S. MY last divorce was final over 3 years ago, and I have proof. "It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it". - (Sommerset Maughm). I'm Tom.
What a wack job. Sorry, but I have no other words for this letch. You did the right thing and carried yourself with real class, sister.
People just aren't necessarily honest when they call themselves Christian .. It's why I put the caveat on my profile.
As a guy, I had a date I went on in September with a girl I met on another datesite, first one I did after the divorce was finalized. We spoke for a few days on the phone and we met. She lived about 3 hour drive from here and we had interest, so we agreed to meet. She drove from where she was and I from where I am.
After fighting horrific rainstorms and near wipeouts in mountain interstate passes, I made it. We met at a Starbucks. Things went well until she said she needed to be "honest" with me. She told me the guy who she'd had a 3 year dating relationship out of state from where she moved still had a hold on her and that she really was "confused."
Thunderstruck, but calm, I asked her what if he turned up on her doorstep in the days to come, would she take him back? She said promptly "yes, I have so much invested here .."
I smiled and we spent the rest of the day in pleasantry. I gave her the little gift I bought for her and the one for her 9 year old son and we parted ways. I only cried for 30 miles up the interstate and then things got better. I sang with Steve Camp on my CD "He Is All You Need."
It's been a while since I read replies, but found yours to be touching while ringing very true.
I have to admit, I didn't cry after this disaster of a date...though I felt like it. Instead I shook my head at the audacity and felt grieved over the lostness of that soul who would not hear.
It is hard, in this venue, to find honesty and transparency and trust that it is genuine. It is so much easier to discern if you look into someones face...into their eyes...and see what is there. Sigh...Oh well.
God bless you as you seek the Lord's provision for your future. May we be faithful to wait upon Him for "all these things" and remember to seek Him first.
I was in a relationship with a man similar and his one sounds like him. This one sounds apostlic. They call us trinitarians, that believe in the trinity. They say we need to be bapiszed in the NAME of Jesus or we are all going to hell. This guy I w with also seemed to be writing his own Bible, he would say it;s ok to sleep with him but not have sex, and etc, don;t tithe he aid too. This guy was off the hook I broke it off with him. He insisted on proper clothe for church and no skin showing etc. was rediculous. Yet he said it was ok to sleep with me. I won't ever go out with another apostolic again after him. Don't know about you other girls but I think these sites are just preditors for us too. I am personally sick of all it and think God will send me someone. I've had them rant at me online when I tell them I am ill and have physical problems, They say you can come visit.One recently wanted me to go drive for 4 hours and catch a bus to go see him,like right!! Don't think so when I wouldn't he raged on me too. Where do these creeps come from?? I find more lying about their situation,and marriage situation. They lie and say they want a relationship and they have a wife at home. That's what I think. I got one who want to buy me things but doesn't want to take me out what's with that?? Where are the REAL MEN. Another on here says he priced me but is coming from Puerto Rico says he is a US citizen where did he com from?? Isn't anyone scannig this stuff:devil::toomuch:
