Thread: GAMES WOMEN PLAY - "BE PATIENT" & "HARD TO GET"
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GAMES WOMEN PLAY - "BE PATIENT" & "HARD TO GET"
Posted : 17 Oct, 2009 08:48 PM
Despite the fact my profile says �no games allowed� a lot of ladies insist on playing them with me.
About 10 days ago on a whim I IM�ed an attractive lady I saw online in another state. Things seemed to go well. She told me that I could probably catch her here on the weekend and that she doesn�t normally log on during the week. The next day and during the week I sent her about a total of 5 emails. She read one of them on Weds. As I noticed my emails were going unread I checked each day and saw that she actually had been on line. After a bunch of games on the weekend she made the statement �god wants to teach all of you to be patient� OOOOoooo BOY!!!!
MY STATEMENT TO LADIES IS THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WE NEED TO BE TAUGHT. THERE ARE REASONS WHY WE ARE THE WAY WE ARE.
This reminds me of these two ladies I once saw interviewed on a talk show who had written a best selling book on �How to Catch a Man� or something like that.They basically said the way to get a husband was by playing hard to get. Never mind that that is very disrespectful and dishonors a man. Funny thing is these women were both in their 30s (not Christians of course) and neither one of them were married. Stuff like that just makes me feel ill. All that does for most men is to make them feel dishonored & disrespected,
What I have found to give me the best results is to IM ladies when I see them on line. Usually I have not even sent them an email before and believe it or not about have of the ones I chat with (which is probably about 25-30% of the ones I IM) will give me their phone number by the time we are finished with the first IM. On top of all of that these women do not seem to have any kind of emotional problems.
I pretty much agree with almost all of that and understand where you are coming from. But you are wrong about a man being arrogant by wanting to pull out the drawing board. Has nothing to do with that - but everything to do with sensitivities and your wounds as I am sure you know if you stop to really think about it. And almost none of us, myself included, have made it this far without an injury or two.
I also have read several of your posts and have liked everything I have read. I do not mean to come across as condescending and I think that you are a very intelligent lady.
I also understand when a woman has emotional wounds she tends to freak out when a man expresses love or affection towards her. That of course also does not mean (and I know you understand that) that we men deserve to take a beating for something which is not our fault - just because we express some affection to a lady.
My love for a good woman is both sincere and strong, but I have learned to be a little more careful about how I express that as a result of what I have experienced here - to women who may have such emotional baggage.
Anyone with wounds should try really hard to cultivate a sense of humor. It helps a lot. Then instead of being afraid of me - they can just laugh and say - that guy is a nut.:glow:
Although I understand that problem (second hand of course) people need to also understand that being fearful or not being fearful is a choice - much like forgiveness is a choice.
Tarasye, I agree with you completely. It doesn't matter if someone has past emotional scars or not - too much attention and affection too soon (like the multiple messages and phone calls) is FLAT OUT stalking. Period. If someone can't respect my space at the beginning, what on earth would make me think it will get better in time? It will only get worse. I have my own life and although someday in TIME it may join with someone else's life, I still will keep my own identity. I will still want my personal time with my friends, my children, or myself, without my spouse along. And if they can't give me my own time from the get go, then there aren't going to be many follow up dates. (And by the way - this hasn't happened to me very many times - it's obvious from the beginning if he's going to be overbearing and attention needy. Lol. I'd say 90% of the people I've dated in my life also want THEIR time, which works great with me!)
And incidentally, this doesn't always mean the woman has some emotional scars to deal with. Sometimes it just means she's independent and wants the same from the person she's with. Nobody likes to be a babysitter.
Lots of wisdom in all the posts on this thread. I like what you said about a sense of humor going a long way toward healing, that is totally true and what Linnie said about getting to know someone on that level without feeling pressured or stalked it really important.
I think women are geared to want to feel safe, and if we feel pressured, we don't always feel safe. That is where I think it is really important to get to know someone on a very dear friendship level before you start looking at them as dating material. I know personally a man gets better looking or less attractive as I get to know him by how he acts, by his sense of humor, by the kindness of his heart. I recently read a profile I greatly appreciated where the man said he had recently learned how important it is to guard his heart, not only for himself, but for a woman he might get involved with that might not be as equally yoked a he had hoped. I thought that was huge insight on his part, and I got a lot out of reading his profile, for it made me consider the importance of guarding my own heart, not just for myself, but for the men I might date.
Looking at the posts on this thread, the word balance comes to mind, and the Bible does tell us to guard our hearts, so there is really a lot of wonderful things to consider here.
Thank you for posting this and letting us all be a part of it for I think both genders have their "game" players. Lots to think about.
A guarded heart and simple safety are the huge issues here.
Gentlemen, you know you are safe, but how do we know you are safe? Aside from prayer and guidance from the Word, we women have just a few interactions and rarely much direct observation to work from.
Not many profiles report traits like "hopelessly vain", "stingy", "easily offended" and "talks with mouth full".
Even a cup of coffee from McD's warns the consumer that the contents are hot and could burn if spilled.
I pretty much agree with everything said here - "almost".
No doubt that I am a bit overyly affectionate for meeting women on a site - sometimes. A big part of that is my personality - another part of that is the way a woman reacts to that tells me where she is at - and part of it is humor. Linnie is right that a woman does not have to have emotional problems - per se - for that to make her a little nervous. Although - I am very sure that the healthier she the less nervous it will make her - without getting overanalytical about everything.
Like most men, I hate wasting time although some is needed - and more than I like (lol). In additon to being a salesman I am a relentless seeker of the facts and the sooner I know what they are - the happier I am.
I also understand that ladies have some legitimate safety/security concerns. With my little AS degree is in Police Science, professional experience and other things - its probably something I understand much more than most.
Taking time is one thing, but playing games is a whole different one and there isn't any excuse for it. If a woman has insecurity issues - legitimate or not - she needs to find an honest way of relating to men, developing relationships - etc.
A lot of the "traits" you speak to here are just some of those basic differences between the way men and women think (just the facts, ma'am, as opposed to over analyzing and reading between the lines), and I also hear something else that stands out in your words which really turns into a simple truth. Women that are that way are not going to fit into your balance. But you can no more change those women, than they can change you, nor would you really want to try.
Sometimes you just have to cut the losses and thank God you found out early and move on. I do think however when you move too fast, women do get scared for especially with any history of bad experience, and at this age, most do, many women are self sufficient and would rather cash in then dive in head first.
But most is by no mean all, and chances are when you find that one that does think that way, it will be your "balance"
I do think that agreement with "most" of what we say, has a lot to do with those differences with the way the Lord made our ways of thinking though.
Amen- To them not fitting in and I have no desire to try and change women like that - although "ALL things are possible with God" - but I would leave that job to some other man. I have said that at least 5 times in my posts - but some people (ie:Ole Cattle, lol) do not seem to like that.
Wonder why that is they do not like hearing that? Actually, I think I know - but I do not care to get into a debate about that - so I am not talking.
Mark 10:27 (KJV)
27 And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.
Mark 9:23 (KJV)
23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
There's a lot that can be analized. But things I am talking about are NOT "JUST" basic differences between men and women they are the difference between men and women with mental and emotional problems. PEOPLE CAN SAY DIFFERENT AS MUCH AS THEY WANT - BUT NOW THAT I AM NOT PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO THE WOUNDED SUPERSENSITIVES ON THIS SITE - I AM HAVING WAY WAY BETTER SUCCESS. MY POINT BEING THE LESS "SENSITIVE" OR CAUTIOUS SHE IS - THE LESS EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS SHE HAS - GENERALLY SPEAKING - SHORT OF PSYCHO'S OR SEX ADDICTS, ETC.
ITS AS SIMPLE AS THAT - THE MORE SENSITIVE A PERSON IS GENERALLY SPEAKING - THE MORE ILL THEY ARE
