I'll be copying and pasting the majority of this from the blog series I've been writing, but my first ever meet-up with any member of any dating site came from this very site, and in that respect, I have to give props.
I've been contacted by more women in a week on this site than I have during the entire year and a half I've spent on other sites.
I think this place has the potential to be a great place to find some great dates-----when people are honest about who they are.
So let's be honest here, folks: I'm far from perfect. I have more than my fair share of flaws, quirks, and things that might have the potential to make me seem less attractive and/or dateable in the eyes of some women.
I imagine the fact that I have a passion to write unapologetically and honestly about myself and my life's experiences is probably one of them, but I think it's important that I give people the opportunity to learn from my mistakes...and if they have a good laugh along the way--so much the better. But when I tell you about the train wreck of a date I recently endured, I am by no means attempting to say that I was (or am) Mr. Perfect for the duration of the night either.
That said, my view of "Amanda� and her character, spirituality, her true heart, and how attractive she was before the date had done a complete 180 by the end. After a mere hour and a half of being talked at (there wasn't a whole lot of "conversation" going on) I came to realize that this girl had more issues than the entire back catalog of National Geographic.
I don't think there was anything I could have done to salvage this date from my end because--from all the later information I'd gathered about her--she had essentially decided what the outcome of the date was going to be before we had even met, and admitted later on that she was distracted by the thought of another guy she was talking with on the same site.
So, where did I fit into this? I was someone who was available and had expressed a willingness to listen and a desire to learn. She--on the other hand-- had a ridiculous overload of unnecessary, inappropriate, rude, mean-spirited, and contradictory verbal vomit to share with me (under the guise of "being blunt and people not taking me the right way") and really didn't give two figs to learn anything about me. Joy.
Wish I could have known that before I drove an hour away, but as bad as it was--I'm still glad I went. Afterall, I can't imagine a date going much worse than this one did.
I met Amanda through a free christian dating site and I actually found it quite refreshing how quickly she was desiring to meet up face-to-face. Overall, I�ve been incredibly impressed with how many people I�ve been able to contact and how open they are to the possibility of meeting. I've been a member of quite a few dating sites in the last year or so, in the effort to get out of my comfort zone and try to meet new women, but this was my first opportunity to meet up with someone.
I have to give her props in that regard in the very least: Amanda was not a time waster and she definitely has a spine.
To get a better idea of my first impressions of Amanda, let�s look at her profile:
"Hey, my name is Amanda, I am 22, I am almost finished with college, and right now i am student teaching and I love it sooo much. Some of the kids are hard to deal with, but i really like it even though it's tons of work. I am an energetic person. I am motivated, fun, outgoing, free spirited, and i am very passionate about my faith is Jesus. He is why I am here and i strongly believe that my life should be focused on following him 100%. I am not perfect, but i am definitely trying to stay focused on God. As far as what i am looking for, i am looking for a guy who is 22-30ish, taller than 5'8 lol since i am tall, someone who has a faith in God who wants to grow with me, someone fun, and that will love me for who i am (eventually of course)"
Now, if you're a guy like me you're like "WOW! What a breath of fresh air! She seems like she really knows where she's called and what's important to her, and her head seems to really be in the right place spiritually."
And of course, it doesn't hurt that she's pretty high on the cuteness scale, either.
In order to protect and respect her privacy, I'll keep from posting any pictures of her, but if you want to get a good mental image, think of a cross between Heroes� Kristen Bell and a young Meg Ryan--but dial back the "adorable" about 1.5 to 2 notches to the 6.5 to 7.5 range, and take away the smile.
She was skinny and fit, had a short-cropped bleached haircut, and dressed very conservatively--but her outfit still had a cool amount of expression and class. I really liked how she dressed. She dressed like I want my future wife to dress.
Basically, you could tell she was a teacher, and in that regard, I found her modestly attractive--though I wasn�t by any means falling all over her or intimidated by her in the looks department. Why am I getting into this much of a description of how she looked? Stay tuned. It�ll help put what she said to me at the end of the date in perspective.
Amanda had several phrases as part of her vernacular that she would use ad infinitum during our hour-and-a-half-long "talk time".*
As a service to the rest of the population, I simply have to acknowledge and discourage the further use of a few of her choice sayings--if you're ever actually looking to nab yourself a significant other, that is.
If however, you are genuinely searching for ways to make your unwitting date as uncomfortable as you possibly can, here are some perfect things to say:
"You'll probably think this is weird, but I don't care..."
"I know you'll think I'm weird for saying this but..."
"My friends all tell me I'm weird for thinking/doing/saying this but..."
Outside of some truly humorous, light-hearted follow-ups that will lead to laughs on both sides and/or further amused discussion, (i.e. "I'm pretty sure I'm the fifth ninja turtle", "I think giraffes are sexy", or "My parents were both sea pirates") saying anything that implies that you know the negative thoughts going through your date's mind is entirely detrimental to the date, and is really nothing but your low self-esteem's attempt at sabotaging anything you may have in the future with this person.
First of all, beginning a sentence in the previously-mentioned fashion creates discomfort and erects an immediate wall between any connection the two of you may have had up until this point. If you don't have a segue into your entirely-necessary, relevant, unassuming piece of trivia, don't nervously attempt to forge one by saying something like this. You're not only putting yourself down, you're putting your date down and placing a label on them too. It is not the least bit attractive to your date, and it communicates that you have serious insecurities.
Secondly, it's extremely presumptuous and can come across as truly egotistical (outside of certain goofy and/or extreme contexts) to use these phrases as they communicate that you know how your date will feel once you speak what you're about to.
But let's be really honest here: most of all, it's selfish, manipulative BS. It's clearly nothing but a cowardly, spineless self-defense mechanism inside you saying "There are things this person probably (or even "almost definitely") is not gonna like about me, so let's throw this stuff out there and see if they'll run off now instead of abandoning me later down the road. That way, I don't have to invest so much of myself into this."
Why even agree to go on a date to begin with if that's the attitude you're going to take into it?
What's it like for your date, though; the person on the receiving end? It's basically like saying to them, "I'm already holding against you how you're going to feel after I say what I'm about to say---but I'm gonna say it anyway, cause I don't care."**
How incredibly selfish is that?
This seems to be Amanda's modus operandi when it comes to relating to the opposite sex--or at least me, anyway.
The fact of the matter was, Amanda didn't care to get to know me in the least, (or if she did, she simply didn't know HOW to get to know me--given her previous broken, messed-up, entirely-physical opposite sex relationships that wouldn't surprise me) and instead viewed the night as an opportunity for her to unload her dump truck full of emotional baggage onto my unwitting, undeserving self. Instead of her date, I became her make-shift shrink.
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* I avoid using the word "conversation" because this particular evening's social event was more akin to a therapy session than a date---at least from my perspective. (Trust me, you'll agree with me by the end.
** Quick question on that: If you really KNOW the way your date is going to react, and it won't be positive or will lead to you being considered "weird" in their eyes, why share it to begin with? Are you THAT set on ruining the chances for a decent relationship with this person that you might have had?
You said after your last post on April 1st that your next post would be out the next day, which would have been April 2nd. The post didn't come out till the evening of April 3rd. That's a day late. I think you owe us two tomorrow. ;-) Lol
Wow, sounds like some of my horrible dates. I'm with everyone else though, I'm interested to see how it turns out. I just stumbled on the page and started reading, and now I"m sitting here wondering what happened next!
The next half hour's worth of activity was a whirlwind of walking, browsing, and listening to incessant yammering, the likes of which I'd never experienced before.
As I've said, Amanda had her heart set on going to this particular mall's pet store, so I had resigned myself to the idea of playing with a puppy---with her--despite the fact that my own two unloved, unappreciated dogs were resting in their kennels in the back seat of my Camry.
I think something came up that really threw a wrench in Amanda's plans and indeed, probably pushed the rest of the date in the wrong direction.
So, we're descending the escalator, Amanda leading, me in tow, when she notices that there's nothing but a blank wall where the store used to be.
It turns out, the pet store's gone. Not closed---gone. It wasn't there, nor was there any sign that it had been. So, here we've made a 5 minute walk to the other side of the mall--the whole time her heart set on playing with a puppy--to no avail.
I imagine she might have been thinking that I was thinking she was crazy and made the whole pet store thing up, but honestly, what reason would I have for thinking that? She had proven herself perfectly content to wander aimlessly with me throughout the whole complex, so I honestly hadn't even given a second thought to the idea that there might not have been a store. Besides, I was already pretty sure she was crazy anyway.
I let out a "Well, that kinda sucks, but whatever, where else would you like to go?" before Amanda really made the jump into hyperdrive.
From here, we blazed a path the whole way across the mall, talking about everything such as her job to something as banal as some Zack Effron comedy movie poster. At this point she said something like, "Honestly, you probably think it's stupid or whatever, but I love dumb comedy movies."
Again, what is being communicated here? Based on her very VERY limited interactions with me, she's already pre-judged me and come to the conclusion that I would find certain kinds of comedy movies to be stupid---and she's already holding it against me. There are SOME that I do find to be a bit TOO stupid, (Talladega Nights, Stepbrothers) but for the most part I love anything that can make me laugh. I viewed it as my directive to disprove what she was assuming about me.
"No, actually I love a dumb comedy once in a while."
I brought up the most recent one I'd gone to see and really enjoyed, "Paul Blart--Mall Cop" as an attempt to prove my point---and find some common ground---bringing up how much I love Kevin James, Will Ferrel, and other such "dumb" comedians. But once again, she was too inattentive; already talking about some other completely unrelated aspect of herself or how her friends and people she knew judged her, or simply busying herself with the task of finding something else we DIDN'T have in common to harp on.
While we ascended the staircase on the opposite side of the mall, (before finally entering one of the stores) the modest level of attraction I felt toward this woman was preparing to launch itself from a nearby cliff and begin a proverbial free fall.
We entered the F.Y.E. at the top of the stairs, at which point I began to realize that Amanda was simply winging it as far as what we were going to do for this date.
I had expressed nothing more than the desire to sit down and chat with her but that whole scenario had proven to make her "uncomfortable" (God forbid she ever do anything to get out of her comfort zone) so here we were doing laps around the mall, wandering aimlessly until she finally stops up at F.Y.E.
So I'm thinking "Okay...I guess she wants to shop."
There were two tables of "DVD on TV" sets that were buy two get one free, and we began browsing the selections there. Or should I say, she began browsing, while I observed her, watching her ADD-addled, self-centered mind attempt to form some kind of excuse for social interaction.
I noticed a few of my past favorite TV shows: Buffy, Angel, Firefly, and well as Veronica Mars--but had (wisely) chosen not to mention them, in favor of simply letting her tell me what shows she liked. I believed straight away (given our previous interactions) that anything I liked would be something she automatically didn't. I'm pretty sure I was right.
We talked about her favorite show---Lost---(very original choice, btw) during which time I mentioned that I knew she was a fan, having seen some of the sketches she had done of some of the characters on her facebook page. She's actually a pretty talented artist and once again I complimented her---to no response other than "Yeah, they take a really long time to do." I've really only watched a couple of episodes of the show, but I've been told by everyone you have to see it from the beginning or you will be "lost" when trying to enjoy it. She proceeds to tell me how it is the best show ever and yadda yadda yadda.
I rarely allow myself the time to sit down and watch TV at all anymore, but one of the shows that I do find to be refreshingly original is "The Office". I'm by no means a religious devotee to it, but it is one of the only shows on TV that I take the time to watch if it's on. I enjoy its awkwardness, the interactions between Jim and Dwight, the moments of silence where the laughs hit, and I think Steve Carrell is awesome as the bumbling, selfish doofus named Michael Scott.
I saw the dvd set for season three of the Office on the table and said something to the effect of, "You ever watch this one?"
Blatant I Should Have Walked Off Moment #2:
Her response was something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but that is like, the stupidest show I've ever seen. I totally do not enjoy it at all."
I was tempted to counter with, "I'm sorry but I think Lost is the most over-rated television show of all time" but once again, I swallowed my pride.
Now, I can respect someone else's opinion with no hang-ups whatsoever, but folks---this is just plain rude, selfish behavior to allow yourself to exhibit. Again, to Amanda, this is being "blunt". To everyone else, it's being inconsiderate. There's a difference between occasionally not knowing when something is appropriate to say, and simply expecting everyone to take all your uncensored, unmitigated opinions on everything.
She's not blunt---she's socially retarded.
She could have simply said something like, "I'm not a fan of that" and it would have been fine. But instead, she chose to be aggressively negative toward something that she did not know my standing on. I wonder how many people she does this to in her everyday life?
I did get to hear about how much she hates the women that she works with and how they constantly are talking about their families and gossiping about one another. She mentioned that they don't seem to have any genuine interest in getting to know her, though. What do think are some behaviors that might cause others to feel that way about her?
Back to the date, though.
Now, because I enjoy "The Office" on some level, I'm being made to feel as though, by proxy, I am stupid. Or at the very least, my date thinks I am.
Now, as I've stated, I enjoy the show, but I'm by no means a person who likes it enough to---let's say---make drawings of the characters from it.
I have to pat myself on the back for not flipping out on her ignorant behavior. I simply let it roll off my shoulder, chalked it up to her anxiety once again and said "Yeah, it's a very different style of humor and show from the rest of what's out there."
To which she followed up with another "I just think it's stupid".
