When it comes right down to it I was reduced to nothing but an object, a body .
I felt like everything I presented before him of who I am was of little importance .
I had provided two pictures that show me from the shoulders on up so he could see my face and my eyes and my hair! He must have liked what he saw or he would not have wanted to speak on the phone.
I guess this should be of no consequence because Im speaking of a man who has many many pictures of himself on his profile and he also has gone to the trouble to make a 30 second video of himself with more pictures in all different outfits to make sure you get a good look at him!!
Red flag # 1 I chose to dismiss.
Why didnt it occur to me that beneath his cloak of who he said he was; he was showing me who he really is and what is really important to him!
I had viewed a profile of a man who seemingly wrote a impressive profile. It had all the bells and whistles I look for. He seeks the Lord and isnt just a fan and he serves the Lord through a ministry that suits him at this time in his life. Creative writing as he puts it! Ha!
He just wrote it in such a fashion that it drew me in and my hopes were raised that just maybe just perhaps there was still hope for me to find a man whom I could come to trust,admire and respect.
We spoke on the phone for about an hour mainly of spiritual things and he even asked if we could pray before we started to chat.
Everything was going really well. I thought maybe I had FINALLY found a match with knowledge of the Bible. Not that I know it all but my experiences with conversations with "christian" men and them having no knowledge of Gods word is daunting.
He commented on how he could discern my passion for the Lord and my truly seeking Gods heart. He could tell that I was who I said I was.
Then he dropped the bomb.
"Could you send me a pic", he said.
I was taken aback! I told him I had provided two already wasnt that okay? He said "No! I mean a full body pic" He said that he just needed to see if he would desire me. At this point my heart dropped because I knew that he really isnt looking for a beautiful heart first and foremost! He isnt really looking for a woman that is thirsting after God first and foremost.
He is looking for a hot bod. So all the other qualities I have were diminished to nothing in minutes.
Wasnt he looking for beauty in my heart above all? Wasnt he looking for a woman who could serve the Lord side by side with him? I mean his profile states that he is! His profile states that the heart is more important than looks! So why within an hour into our first conversation does he need to check my body out?
Dont get me wrong. I have nothing to hide but the man contradicted what he wrote !!! I thought he was different . The funny thing about it is : He wanted to talk on the phone because he said he could discern ME better. That "creative writing" is not a way to get to know the real person! That was Red flag# 2 that I chose to ignore!
Basically what he was saying is that writing back and forth was a way for someone to hide who they are. Funny isnt it that it was he that was hiding his true intentions.
The Moral Of My Story:
God revealed this man to me. Not once! Not twice! But three times!!!
Sorta reminds me of the story of the man on the roof of his house with the flood waters rising and God sent the man three ways to escape but yet he didnt recognize the help was from God so he drowned!
Good thing I jumped at the third warning huh? Ha!
God never ever fails me. He is always right on time every time.
God loves me and he wants his daughter to be with a man who loves me for my heart and my love of Jesus!!
If I had moved on after I viewed his "video with the romantic music" I could have saved myself the irritation and disappointment.
Next time Ill be looking for the sticky note stuck on the computer: You are worth it! Dont ignore the red flags!!
Just think ,I could have been doing my nails and eating ice cream.....
Well I can only speak for myself but a full body pic is useful sometimes. Not so much to see if I "can desire" someone but to make sure nothing will suddenly put me off out of nowhere... not required of course but it never hurts to be sure.
Men are more visually attuned than woman remember, we just experience things differently.
What kind of men would that be Rambo? Should a godlly woman feed into a mans sinful nature? Why would something put you"off" unless you have little trust in her telling you what she looks like. Isnt that minor compared to a godly beautiful soul?
The men that trusts God and focuses on God will reap the benefits. Those that diminish a woman to an object will get what God intends.
This is what the Bible/God's heart deems a desirable woman. This is what I strive to be...
The Virtues of Noble Woman
Proverbs 31
10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
HIHA.....I seriously didn't know where to begin after reading your post.....twice!!! I do however need to express first and foremost my heartfelt compassion regarding your disappointment.....allowing yourself to hope, to possibly anticipate that this individual had the potential to be "the one"!
But what I wanted to ask your opinion about, in love, was this: would NOT seeing images of this gentlemen, just as you have now no pictures of yourself on your profile, made a difference? I ask because Rambo made a valid point: men and women's visual stimuli are and will probably always be different! You were privy to view multiple images of this person possibly in his confidence, full body pics and it seemed it didn't make much difference to you, one way or another! In his defense he might have felt, now again imagine this within the mindset of a man, the need to see an image of you now "full bodied"!
Now again I understand that this didn't ease your disappointment in all this, based on his statements about "creative writing" and possibly alluding you to think that your inner beauty was more important at the time. But if you possibly had a full bodied pic of yourself, tastefully done to show him, would that have maybe eased your anxiety with his request? Or was it just the timing of asking his request all wrong? What I'm getting at my sister is this, the motive of one's actions are always left to another's interpretation, depending on where the mind and heart are of the individual doing the interpreting!! My hope in all this for you is that after this experience and all it's dust has settled, you'll have had a chance to rewind the tape, looking at all the issues and circumstances thru God's eyes and heart, letting Him show you exactly what HE wants you to gleam from this, so that the next encounter you'll have(which I believe in my heart of hearts, you will have another encounter, with prayerfully different results......smile!!), He'll guide and direct your path, just as you felt He did in this situation!
Human motives, perceptions, opinions, assumptions...... will always be left open to interpretation, but with what filter do we use in doing so....our own or God's? Be blessed in your quest for true love my sister!
I first wanna say that I really admire your inside in regards with God's word. I learn so much from your post and your replies on the "bible section column" since you partake there more often than here. You have been a blessing to me!
Now moving along to the main subject, Joy has covered what I wanted to share. I can't help but giving the brother a benefit of the doubt. If his searching for his life time partner, he has every right to ask for a full length picture. Unfortunately, marriage revolves around our sexual needs being met by our chosen partner (not necessarily that we're only marrying for sex). Now how will both parties render this ministry to one another if you're not attracted to your physical being/looks?
He might have meant well when saying "So I can see if i'll desire you" it could have been how he said it that came across otherwise. Just as Joy said, at times what we say may not sound as well as how we mean what is being said.
Thank you Joy and thank you sisy for replying to my post. Sisy I am honored to serve my Jesus and ratruly blessed by your encouging words of my studies on the scriptures. Thank you sweet sister for the kind words.
Now about my saga on CDFF lane :laugh:... Ill tell ya! It would not have mattered one bit if I hadnt seen what he looked like!!! I mean that! In fact Id rather not see pics in the beginning.
I have grown up in the Lord and I know our flesh can get in the way of what God wants for us.Im turned on by a man knowing his stuff about the kingdom and also if he can stimulate my brain with all types of topics. I am a researcher of all kinds of things. Its just the way I am. I am always learning. So that type of man is what gets my engine roaring:excited::yay:
I dont show a pic full body for many reasons but mainly in this case was the timing. God blessed me indeed and I am not bragging. It actually makes me uncomfortable when men leer. I am secure with my sexuality just not with pigs who act as if I am for their viewing pleasure. Im told I am gorgeous,beautiful all the time. It means nothing to me and it certainly does not define me. Ive had 30 years of men drooling over me and not looking at my heart and BRAIN first. It sickens me to be quite frank. I am not an object! I am a woman who has more to offer than what I look like. I will not change how I feel about this .I had way too much experience in how men are. A true man who is buried in Christ would have had more sense than to jump on in there and ask me to provide more than I had already. There is a time for everything and his request was premature and it showed where his focus was. .
And what I didnt disclose in my OP is when he asked for it,he knew he had messed up! He said he wished he hadnt asked but he didnt apologize. He also said he would call later and guess what?! He didnt!! So his shallow character shown through bright and NOT shiny.
Also, did I mention that he had a pic of himself on his infamous video bare chested laying in what appeared to be a bed?
I have not had a man ask for a full body pic in a very long time. Maybe thats a reflection on my previous good judgement and my lax judgement with this guy. I let a jerk get through my screening process. I did learn a lesson from this.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck: Its a DUCK!!!
Gods abiding grace to you two! One day we will hang out in heaven and Ill have ya over to my mansion for some awesome water :angel:
Sounds like simple paranoia because of bad past experience TBH... Obviously the cake is what matters but sometimes you are allergic to the icing. Bad metaphor maybe but accurate enough. Speaking for myself there are certain things that put me off, some more than others. Personal taste is hardly a matter anyone can reasonably control, beyond obvious perversions anyway. Men are more focussed on the physicality and woman more on the personality, broadly speaking the scale is reversed between the sexes. That's just how God decided to wire us all, probably to force us to learn just how different other people are to us I dunno.
Also you need to keep the probable paranoia of perspective partners in mind, something along the line of "if she is so scared of showing me what her body looks like... just what is she hiding?"
Rambo no, It was the timing! If he had waited till more trust was established I may have abliged. It was all wrong to begin with. If you are going to side with a guy like I described then that right there shows me that you are not rooted and grounded in the word.
Yes george. It was the timing. And another thing for people to think about.
We cannot discount the Holy Spirit that abides in us! Things happen for a reason all the time with those who walk by faith. Am I disappointed? Yes! Do I know that I disregarded many signs that he isnt for me? Yes!
I mean Id like a man who is not one who is going to pose in all kinds of pics on a video on YOUTUBE.
I am going to go pound my head against the wall that I was so focused on the "ministry" word in his profile that I didnt see the obvious blantant parade of VANITY and materialism
That is not fair, I was not actually taking sides merely being honest. And it is unwise to tell anyone that disagrees with you that they are automatically "not grounded in the Word"... And hypocritical because is denying the potential sexual chemistry with a potential marriage partner not spitting in God's eye for creating us this way? I agree that it is not the most important part in a spouse but it is foolish to deny it's value. Sexual attraction might only be 10% physical but that small part DOES indeed matter, you can't blame a guy for wanting to make sure about everything early on before he get's in too deep.
