I'll be copying and pasting the majority of this from the blog series I've been writing, but my first ever meet-up with any member of any dating site came from this very site, and in that respect, I have to give props.
I've been contacted by more women in a week on this site than I have during the entire year and a half I've spent on other sites.
I think this place has the potential to be a great place to find some great dates-----when people are honest about who they are.
So let's be honest here, folks: I'm far from perfect. I have more than my fair share of flaws, quirks, and things that might have the potential to make me seem less attractive and/or dateable in the eyes of some women.
I imagine the fact that I have a passion to write unapologetically and honestly about myself and my life's experiences is probably one of them, but I think it's important that I give people the opportunity to learn from my mistakes...and if they have a good laugh along the way--so much the better. But when I tell you about the train wreck of a date I recently endured, I am by no means attempting to say that I was (or am) Mr. Perfect for the duration of the night either.
That said, my view of "Amanda� and her character, spirituality, her true heart, and how attractive she was before the date had done a complete 180 by the end. After a mere hour and a half of being talked at (there wasn't a whole lot of "conversation" going on) I came to realize that this girl had more issues than the entire back catalog of National Geographic.
I don't think there was anything I could have done to salvage this date from my end because--from all the later information I'd gathered about her--she had essentially decided what the outcome of the date was going to be before we had even met, and admitted later on that she was distracted by the thought of another guy she was talking with on the same site.
So, where did I fit into this? I was someone who was available and had expressed a willingness to listen and a desire to learn. She--on the other hand-- had a ridiculous overload of unnecessary, inappropriate, rude, mean-spirited, and contradictory verbal vomit to share with me (under the guise of "being blunt and people not taking me the right way") and really didn't give two figs to learn anything about me. Joy.
Wish I could have known that before I drove an hour away, but as bad as it was--I'm still glad I went. Afterall, I can't imagine a date going much worse than this one did.
I met Amanda through a free christian dating site and I actually found it quite refreshing how quickly she was desiring to meet up face-to-face. Overall, I�ve been incredibly impressed with how many people I�ve been able to contact and how open they are to the possibility of meeting. I've been a member of quite a few dating sites in the last year or so, in the effort to get out of my comfort zone and try to meet new women, but this was my first opportunity to meet up with someone.
I have to give her props in that regard in the very least: Amanda was not a time waster and she definitely has a spine.
To get a better idea of my first impressions of Amanda, let�s look at her profile:
"Hey, my name is Amanda, I am 22, I am almost finished with college, and right now i am student teaching and I love it sooo much. Some of the kids are hard to deal with, but i really like it even though it's tons of work. I am an energetic person. I am motivated, fun, outgoing, free spirited, and i am very passionate about my faith is Jesus. He is why I am here and i strongly believe that my life should be focused on following him 100%. I am not perfect, but i am definitely trying to stay focused on God. As far as what i am looking for, i am looking for a guy who is 22-30ish, taller than 5'8 lol since i am tall, someone who has a faith in God who wants to grow with me, someone fun, and that will love me for who i am (eventually of course)"
Now, if you're a guy like me you're like "WOW! What a breath of fresh air! She seems like she really knows where she's called and what's important to her, and her head seems to really be in the right place spiritually."
And of course, it doesn't hurt that she's pretty high on the cuteness scale, either.
In order to protect and respect her privacy, I'll keep from posting any pictures of her, but if you want to get a good mental image, think of a cross between Heroes� Kristen Bell and a young Meg Ryan--but dial back the "adorable" about 1.5 to 2 notches to the 6.5 to 7.5 range, and take away the smile.
She was skinny and fit, had a short-cropped bleached haircut, and dressed very conservatively--but her outfit still had a cool amount of expression and class. I really liked how she dressed. She dressed like I want my future wife to dress.
Basically, you could tell she was a teacher, and in that regard, I found her modestly attractive--though I wasn�t by any means falling all over her or intimidated by her in the looks department. Why am I getting into this much of a description of how she looked? Stay tuned. It�ll help put what she said to me at the end of the date in perspective.
Though I was quite optimistic, I had no real opportunities to get to know the real Amanda from just a couple e-mails and IM sessions, but I had felt as though the 30-minute phone call we'd had, things had gone very well.
The Phone Call
Despite her tendency to be a bit on the dominating side phone-wise, I thought there was a pretty good chance that in-person Amanda would be a bit more of a give-and-take-er conversationally. On the phone, I did notice (and a bit of a flag went up) when she said something to the effect of
"Honestly, a lot of guys are intimidated by me because I'm pretty straight-forward, but I think a lot of people take me the wrong way".
Truth told, I think a lot of people feel the same way about me, so again I was thinking, "Okay, that might be a bad sign, but it could also be another thing we have in common."
From there, we came to talk a bit about her student teaching position, then about her biggest immediate goal right now: getting a puppy. She'd been shopping around for quite a while. She mentioned the breed she was looking at: a boston terrier. In turn, I brought up my dog: a Cairn terrier. This bears mentioning because not only did she bring up the puppy thing during that conversation, but in a later conversation, I found out that she was actually going to look at a puppy right before meeting me for our date. This girl clearly had a thing for dogs, which was great, because I absolutely love dogs too.
Pre-Date Prep
It also turned out that Friday night--the night of our date--my parents were traveling up to visit my brother and sister-in-law, leaving our two dogs in my care. So, given the rather obvious idea that she might like my dogs, (who are both small "puppy-like" breeds) I decided, "Well, it's either take them with me with the possibility of her liking them and it making a hit, or just leave them in their kennels on the kitchen floor til I get back".
We had agreed on doing nothing more than meeting for coffee, but just in case things went well enough, I wanted to try to have my options open, and have something fun and active planned. She had indicated interest in doing something after coffee saying "There's plenty of other stuff to do around there too".
Just then, I was struck with a brilliant idea for a possible post-coffee activity. Since I knew she liked dogs and that she was pretty physically active---maybe she'd be interested in going for a walk in a nearby park with them. I could walk one, she could walk the other, and we could just chat casually. Perfect first date--in my mind.
I certainly wasn't pinning all my hopes on this idea, but I decided to bring their leashes and braces just in case it was something she'd have been interested in. Not only that, but realizing that our date was for 7 pm, I knew it would be getting darker and colder out. As such, I even decided to bring a sweatshirt for her in case she was cold--if we even ended up going for a walk.
As one who has been on a bit of a dating dry spell for a while, you can imagine that I was actually very excited to meet her for this date, and went to pretty excessive lengths beforehand to try to make the best impression I could.
I also cleaned my 95 Camry from top to bottom, even buying armor-all wipes to clear all the dust, dirt, and grime off the doors and dashboard. I even windexed all the windows inside and out. I certainly don't drive anything special, but I do want a decent, considerate lady to feel as though I respect her enough to at least try to show her the best of what I currently have to offer. But at the same time, I don't want a girl who judges me based on the condition of my car either.
Keep in mind, this whole ordeal was just "in case" we actually wanted to go somewhere in my car after coffee. We could have very well taken her car to go somewhere, or not gone anywhere else at all.
It turns out Amanda definitely does like to walk, but the situation was more like being led around by an extremely-caffienated, ADHD third grader who is unable to stop speaking, regardless as to how inappropriate, inconsiderate, rude, or unnecessary what she has to say is.
Our date was at 7 p.m., but knowing my tendency to get a bit lost due to mapquest's tendency to be dead wrong about the fastest route, I gave myself an extra half hour to get there, having left at 5:30.
I received a call from her about 15 minutes before the date to say she would be late because she was just leaving from the house where she had looked at the puppy, but she was very apologetic and sweet about it. She even mentioned how much she hates not being on time for things.
I gave her a simple "No problem, I'll see you when you get here, then" and we agreed to meet in the cafe part of the store.*
I said a few quick words in prayer that the date would go well (realizing that I hadn't consulted Big Daddy on the whole thing that day), then wandered the aisles of the discount section right next to the cafe.
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Around 5 to 10 minutes later, I received a text saying "I'm here", and found her in the women's magazine section, and non-chalantly came up along beside her with a "Hey".
Now, this was a moment that I had been wondering about ever since we agreed on the date, but had decided to play by ear.
How exactly does this go down? Am I supposed to shake her hand? Give her a hug? Anything at all?
No, a hand shake would be dorky and indicate that I viewed this as a more business-like approach. A hug was too much and too personal given the fact that we had never met before. Also, hugging members of the opposite sex is an immediate signal sender that says "I like you as a friend".
In every other scenario of meeting someone new in my entire life, I've done the handshake, but I think I actually made a wise move in not offering anything, but instead I decided to keep it casual and friendly simply smiling and opening up my stance to communicate friendliness.
Straight away I noticed something a bit off. She wasn't making a lot of eye contact while she was talking-- her attention apparently distracted by the pretty pinks, whites, and light blues of the glossy covers that adorn the women's magazine rack.
I suggested we go sit down to chat some more, and she said sure, but again, not a whole lot of eye contact.
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I don't remember exactly what I started by asking her, I think it was her job in student teaching with autistic kids, but not three minutes in, she asked if we could leave Borders and go somewhere else because she just wasn't comfortable in such a quiet place.
Let that set the tone for the rest of the date, folks.
I agreed to, and we left the store, but as we were doing so I said, "I've got a bit of a surprise for you if you're interested."
Her ears and eyes didn't really perk up at all, nor did I get anything near the kind of response I was looking for. Other than something of equal excitement and enthusiasm as a, "Yeah, what is it?"
"Well, I know how much you like dogs, so I brought mine if you think you'd like to meet them"
"No way! You brought your dogs?"
"Yeah. I thought maybe you'd like them since you're so interested in finding a puppy. One of them is a terrier and the other is a pug and jack russell mix."
We're now walking our way over to my car, at which point she says
"I just can't believe you brought your dogs. That is just so..."
My ears eagerly anticipated what she would say.
Sweet?
Considerate?
Cool?
Funny?
"...weird."
And this is the point where I realized this night was not going to go well.
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Upon reaching my car and looking into the back seat, Amanda (and her "bluntness") communicated immediate disapproval of the fact that I had brought my dogs in their kennels and not left them to run free in the back seat, immediately inquiring as to why I had done that.
I explained that they were too excitable and would have been crawling all over the place, probably even under my feet, and that they were much safer and more comfortable that way. She acted as though they were in prisons, and I was made to feel as though I was some perverted freak for carting them around like that.
On further reflection, most people DO leave their dogs out to run around all over their cars when they take them out, but that's something that has always kind of bothered me. Sure the dog is able to have a bit more fun and freeness, but you're virtually guaranteed their death in a collision anywhere above 25 mph. Which one is more important?
Now, you know how they tell you that animals kind of have a sixth sense of sorts and are a pretty good judge of character? Well get this.
I go to open Zuzu's kennel, and say "Come on out, Zuzu." during which time--at any other junction--she has immediately come bounding out of her kennel, happy to say hi and explore whatever was out there.
When Amanda and I got down next to her and I opened her cage, she was cowering so much in the back of it that I had to actually reach in and pull her out. I've never had to do that in the 5+ years we've had her, but then again, I've never taken her along with me on a date, either.
I am 'all caught up in this' story. You must finish soon! My curiousity is destroying me right now. I must say, you should be an author--you would sell a lot of books and definitely keep my interest! :glow:
If we weren't going to take the dogs for a walk, I came to realize rather quickly how entirely pointless it was for me to get them out of their kennels to begin with. There were no nearby bushes or trees so there was virtually nothing that would have been of interest to the dogs, and I'd have no reason to put their leashes on, but in my attempts to ellicit some kind of positive dog-related reaction from my ungrateful date, I introduced her to both of them.
Zuzu sheds like a cat, so I can't blame her for not holding her too long or caring about her too much. Then there's the fact that she seemed to be rather terrified.
When I observed Amanda's lack of enthusiasm or positivity toward interaction with Zuzu, I debated the idea of not even bothering with Bailey.
But she did seem to be trying to ACT a bit interested--probably to humor me in my bumbling stupidity. Imagine! Thinking a girl who talks incessantly about getting a dog and how much she loves them would be at all interested in MY dogs.
So, anyway, I decided to acknowledge and appreciate her faux-sincerity by introducing her to Bailey as well.
Bailey is awesome. He's fun, he's energetic, and he loves to l!ck and play with everyone, but in this context, I could do little more than hold him up, give her a chance to pet him, and put him back in. She didn't seem to really care much about him, other than that anyway.
Oh yes...this was going smashingly.
So, after putting Bailey back in, I go to unlock my door on my side. At this point, we hadn't agreed on who's car we were taking, and I was actually just unlocking my door to reach in and grab my wallet so we could decide what course of action to take.
She, on the other hand, was on the other side of the car by the passenger door.
This awkward position left me unable to cross around to the other side of the car and open her door for her (in any kind of natural manner) but also, from what I judged of her character up until that point--it would have made her feel more insulted than appreciated anyway. So, I opened my door merely to get my wallet, then when I noticed she was on her side ready to get in, I got in and unlocked the door on her side.
Sweet merciful cr@p, am I enjoying reliving this nightmare for you all.
"So, where would you like to go?"
"We could just go to the mall across the street if that's cool with you."
"Sure."
We talked a bit longer about her job, as we began driving across the parking lot before she noticed something...and had to speak on it.
"Do you not wear your seatbelt?"
Admittedly, I'm pretty bad at remembering to do this normally, and my mom calls me on it every time I ride with her, but we were also only driving across ONE street into another parking lot.
I said something to the effect of "I have a hard time remembering sometimes because I'm not usually thinking about it."
To which her response was "I mean, I'm not too adamant about much but... save your own life, y'know?"
At this point, I'm really starting to think that bailing on this date and simply driving back home would be the best course of action that I could take, but I continued to give myself mental pep-talks about her.
"Keep it cool, Kyle. It's just one date, and while she does seem to be a bit judgmental, you yourself are probably passing judgment on her a bit too early as well. Stick it out. She's talking to you, isn't she? Can't you consider that a good sign? Communication is tantamount to a good relationship."
It was around this time that Amanda's first flaw became readily apparent. It's not that she's blunt or straight-forward---she's simply inconsiderate and rude--and doesn't care to try to change that about herself, or even acknowledge it as a problem.
As we were entering the mall across the street, the real adventure began.
From this point, til' approximately an hour and a half later, Amanda's mouth became an unstoppable rebel force; spewing way-too-personal facts about herself and her health, judgmental statements about the behavior of others, ironic blabbings about how people judge her too much, and even jabs at me, my hair, and the fact that she felt I didn't have the same amount of "energy" as she had.
We came up to the entrance to find a pooling of teenagers in front; a few smoking, a few holding skateboards. Oh right, it's friday night.
Immediately Amanda says to me, (in plenty loud enough a manner for all the kids to hear) "You ever notice how all the kids dress the same these days?"
"Yeah, I never really thought much about it, though"
"I mean, I would never have never dressed the way girls do today."
As we pass by the food court which is literally packed with teenagers, I say to her, "Did you want to sit down here and talk some more?"
"No, I really like to keep moving."
"Okay, that's cool. Is there anywhere specific that you'd like to go?"
Blatant-I-Should-Have-Walked-Off moment # 1
"Oh! They have a pet store in here! I'd really like to go look at a puppy!"
My thoughts:
"Really? I'd love to too, Amanda! Cause it's not like I have TWO EFFING DOGS in my car that we could play with OUTSIDE the confines of a tiny 6' room, but oh...that's right. From the 15 seconds you spent looking interacting with them, you seem to have brilliantly deduced that they weren't interesting enough or worth your time."
Despite the fact that she showed virtually no interest in my dogs, I conceded to the idea.
As we were walking toward the store, I referred back to the previous conversation:
"Anyway, I have noticed that the girls seem to be wearing less and less as the days go by."
"I know, right?"
Despite Amanda's rather childish and rude behavior up to this point, and hoping to convey that she need not be nervous about her appearance, (as I understand that's one of a woman's chief concerns) I threw a compliment her way.
"But I really like your outfit though. You look really classy."
"Yeah--I dress like a teacher. That's what everyone tells me."
"I wish more girls your age dressed like you do."
And....silence. Before she changed the subject back to...what a shock! HER!
