Divorce and Remarriage

Posted : 10 Oct, 2009 10:00 AM

Jesus tells how God intended marriage to be from the beginning. He makes reference that man and wife have become one flesh and this is true no matter whether they are saved or unsaved, believer or non-believer, regenerated or unregenerate for He says in Heb. 13.4 "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled:��" Even medical science verifies their blood and body fluids mingle and therefore share the same bacteria, viruses, and such. If the case is so with all people, then can we not assume what Jesus said in Mark about "What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder�" includes all people.



In Eph. 5.22-33 Paul shows a mystery of the marriage of husband and wife as being like the relationship between Christ and His church. There is a body formed of which Christ is the head and the church is His body (Col. 1.18). In similarity there is a body formed of which the husband is the head, a marriage body of one flesh. These are both spiritual bodies. If Christian married couples would pattern their marriages after Eph. 5.22-33, there would be no divorce in the Christian world.



But we know that divorce is going to come due to adultery, desertions, and violent abuses. Also, divorce on frivolous grounds is going to continue, even among Christians. Moses allowed for it as did Christ�s teachings if one understands the difference between separation and divorce. But anytime divorce comes there is a horrible tearing and ripping in the "one-flesh" body - the marriage body. Also, there is going to be tearing in Christ body when sin is allowed and since He wishes to present a church unto Himself without spot or wrinkle, there will be a purging. That is why God divorced Judah and Israel and gave them a written Bill of Divorce as recorded in Jeremiah Chapter 3. It is why Christ said in Revelation Chapters 1-3 certain consequences would happen if the churches did not come back into right standing with him even removal of the candlestick (church).



Since two people come together in marriage, they become one flesh in God's eyes, then in His divine plan, He recognizes that union as final but conditionally binding (not unconditional unless based on a blood covenant). No divorce lawyer, or civil court judge can unbind it unless the people choose to end the marriage with a �bill of divorcement.� God does not recognize the ending of a marriage contract any other way.



The significance to the Christian man and woman revolves around the phrase �put away� as opposed to a legal divorce. The terms in scripture �put away� or �depart� are references to separation rather than divorce. Nowhere in scripture does God recognize that adultery can be the only excuse for divorce and that he declares the marriage void in such circumstances. All sin is against God but fornication (an all encompassing word for all immoral and illegal sex acts) is a sin against a person's body also (I Cor. 6.18). That is why it is significant in the causes for ending of a marriage. When a marriage partner commits this horrible sin, since they are part of a "one-flesh" marriage body, they not only defile themselves but bring defilement into the holy and chaste union that God binds together in marriage. Not only does this have horrendous repercussions in the spiritual world for these people, but it can also have physical consequences if one contracts some horrible sexually transmitted disease. It certainly has tremendous emotional tearing when all the dynamics of rejection, resentment, and the whole myriad of emotions come into play as a result. It is not something that is taken lightly by God, the church, or anyone that has ever been a victim of it.



There is another aspect of fornication between two heterosexual couples whether married or single. This is the aspect of acts outside marriage. Outside of marriage, sex is a ritual of religious worship to the sun god and mother earth. In the past and even in the present, there are people who still worship the sun, moon, stars, and mother earth. In the different cultures that emerged in ancient history, these gods were called by different names but these ceremonies always included some priest or lord engaging in sexual intercourse with some temple prostitute or some poor virgin who was sacrificed at the appointed time. The priest or lord represented the sun god and the woman represented mother earth and was done to symbolize the hopes that the sun god would impregnate the fertile mother earth for an abundant harvest.



And anytime someone participates in illegal sex (sex outside of marriage) they are playing out over and over the idolatrous ritualistic ceremonies of these past idolaters. God's purpose is subverted which was for pro-creation and the establishment of the family from which all human relationships are based. So, divorce doesn't just affect the two people involved but it has terrible consequences spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, and many other ways on society especially if children are involved.



I think the key to the matter is stated by the Lord in Mark 10.5 "�..For the hardness of your heart he wrote this precept." This was talking about the Pharisee's question why Moses allowed a bill of divorce. I know in my own case, there were a few times I could have reconciled with my ex, but either I or she had "hardness of heart." We never reconciled and she eventually remarried. But once we had absolved the marriage with a legal divorce, I believe she and I were free to remarry, and I feel released from my marital obligations to her but not my family obligations to my children because they are based on blood. They contain my DNA. They are my obligation. Normally in the culture of Bible days, the father almost always was the custodial parent. Today it is reversed, most times good in the case of young children since Proverbs 4:3 tells us, �For I was my father�s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother.� In young children, they need the love and nurturing of mothers. Yet, even young children need the bond to their fathers. It is a bond that women or even society can not understand but there is something in every child that longs for that bond. I believe it is inconspicuously presented in Proverbs 17:6 �� the glory of children are their fathers.� In older children, I think definitely they should remain with their fathers, both girls and boys, as long as that father is a good man not prone to abuse.



In the case of adultery, the offending party is wrong and if they willfully commit these acts, then I believe they are sinners and should not be called a Christian. In the case of abuse, I don't think the abusers can honestly call themselves a Christian either. In order to come back in right relationship with God, there must be repentance and restitution if at all possible � a natural overflowing of faith producing good works. And continue in the marriage contract if the offended spouse is willing but there may come a point where the offended spouse says enough is enough. In these cases, as long as the marriage is ended by a legal divorce, then either partner is free to remarry.



Even those who have an erroneously-termed �Bible excuse� must consider their spiritual state at the time of divorce. Is divorce itself a sin? Or are the conditions leading up to it and, those afterward, things that are sin? If divorce is a sin then that makes God a sinner too. Jer. 3.6-8 God says about Israel "�.I put her away, and given her a bill of divorce;�" But wait a minute that is not for physical adultery but spiritual adultery. One scripture often overlooked is in Matt. 5.31-32 where Jesus is giving His sermon on the mount. He is making several comparisons between the law of the Pharisees and His new laws. In verse 32, "�.whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:�.." Here he is talking about separation and not divorce and the �fornication� he is talking about is illegal acts of the physical marriage acts - sexual acts. What if she never remarries��.what if she never has sex again then it does not mean anything if the �put away� means legal divorce. So, it appears being put away is referencing separation and it is a sin of adultery because a legal divorce decree has never been rendered and the marriage contract annulled. The fornication is referencing illegal marriages so how could a marriage contract be ended if there never was one. To paraphrase, �The Law says that she commits adultery if she remarries without a written bill of divorcement. BUT I SAY UNTO YOU that whoever puts her away (without divorce papers; that is, unlawfully) causes her to commit adultery (if she remarries under such conditions). Thus he who simply put her out of his house without divorcing her properly is JUST AS LIABLE AS SHE IS. And whosoever marries her that has been put away (without divorce papers) also commits adultery, because he is marrying another man's wife.�



How does being put away cause her to commit adultery unless she is still married? In the case where the scripture is referring to spiritual adultery, Jesus is making comparisons of spiritual matters of his teachings versus the Pharisaic interpretation of the OT law. For

instance, he compared "Thou shalt not commit adultery" but He said if you look upon a woman to lust after her, you have committed adultery already in your heart. Should these be grounds for divorce? As a matter of fact, adultery carried the death penalty in the Jewish culture of that day. Was He suggesting that those who lust should be put to death? Was He suggesting that those who divorce by legally ending the marriage contract be put to death? I don�t think so. I think He was making a reference to the spiritual aspects of divorce as well as the physical excuse for it. Therefore, I do see a case for adultery and any other sin that causes divorce having an aspect of spiritual adultery and not only physical adultery.



After all this discussion, the bottom line is that sin surrounds all aspects of the events leading up to, during, and immediately following divorce whether you were the offender or the offended. More could be said of other cases such as desertion, although the references in I Cor 7 was a teaching of Paul and not given from the Lord, however we can be sure that we have very Godly counsel from Paul. I believe we can all agree that the good news is that GOD FORGIVES SIN when one comes with true repentance. Even better news is

Heb. 10.17 "And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more."

Ps. 103.12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."



God does not dredge up our past mistakes and sins once they are covered with the blood of Jesus. If he would, then Christ's sacrifice is no better than the OT animal sacrifices. If the church-body has a right to do this, then they are greater than God for He says our sins are forgiven and forgotten. I don�t know how he does it but I do know that he works all things after the counsel of His own will (I Cor. 1:11) Are they still in the sinner�s memory? Yes, as is all the sin they have committed. So, the question remains, does someone who is divorced have the right to remarry. Taking all the scripture that deal with this subject as a whole, I think if we take three premises as follows then it can be said those who are divorced by legal means do have a right to remarry:



1. Marriage is a conditional contract. This is shown by Jehovah being married to Israel at Mt. Sinai and treated Israel as a married wife, until He divorced her (Jer.3:8) for insubordination and disobedience. If marriage were unconditional, then Jehovah could not have divorced her without tainting Himself with sin. Therefore, it must be conditional.

2. "Put away" is distinct from "divorce." The Law shows how it mandates that a man must give his wife divorce papers before putting her away (separation). One is the legal act of terminating the marriage; the other is the act of sending her away. This Law was set up to correct the historical injustice left by the loophole in the human code.

3. Jehovah's Law was not abolished but the Pharisee�s interpretation of it was and more clearly explained by Jesus and Paul. Jesus said this in Matthew 5:17-19, Paul said this in Romans 3:31 and John defines sin in terms of violation of Jehovah�s Law in 1 John 3:4.



Therefore, when we render the correct interpretation to the terms �put away� or �send away� or �depart� to mean separation in all the scriptures that deal with divorce and remarriage, then we find that divorce and remarriage is not a sin when done in the God-ordained way. However, there are many in the church world still will hold to the traditions of men and keep people in bondage over an improper, legalized way of rendering the scriptures.



Is this just? Is this fair? Do you never get a second chance or is God not a God of

second chances? If this is the case shouldn't we consider the teaching of cutting our hands off and plucking our eyes out if we use them in sin? I guess that includes our

head since we may think something bad too. What about the case of a woman that has been violently abused with previously broken facial bones and jaw? Who is not only afraid for her life, but her children also? Should she be penalized for leaving her husband who otherwise is faithful to the marriage vows? Under the majority of traditional Bible teachings, she does not have a right to remarry if she leaves him. Then it may be good advice to any one that is divorced and would like to be remarried, but does not have a traditional Bible excuse to be remarried, to kill their ex. After all, God forgives murder and when they are released from prison, they can be remarried with a Bible endorsement. Isn't that greatly ridiculous? Should the Bible be used as a justification of committing sin in order to get its Bible benefits? No, of course not! Has Christ, who taught that we should do good and not live as the Pharisees, cause a bondage that can not be endured like the teachings of the Pharisees that burdened men down with heavy burdens? Of course not, since �His yoke is easy and His burden is light.�



Fortunately, many of the questions have answers from the Scriptures if we will interpret them in the light of freedom and not bondage. In many ways, we are left to the voice of those who "tell the truth" who are as bad, if not worse, than the Pharisees. They give advice. �Sorry can't help you. Those of us who have a husband or wife, or those that have Bible permission to have a wife or husband, get to enjoy the benefits of marriage, but sorry you're divorced without Bible reason so you can not enjoy this benefit of life. You must live with your mistakes. You made your bed, now lie in it. Don't you know what a benefit it is to live celibate? Oh, yeah, no fornicating regardless how bad the desire gets or you will burn in the eternal furnaces.�



Is this the final word? Oops, almost forgot, all you who remarried without Bible permission, you have committed the second unpardonable sin. No! That�s not the final word either. The final word is GOD FORGIVES SIN, even those sins that cause divorce, whether pre-meditated, unintentional, or willful. And since legal divorce and remarriage is NOT a sin, otherwise God himself is a sinner; there is no sin to forgive. The final word is �Marriage is honorable in ALL, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers (those shacked up or one night stands paid or unpaid) and adulterers (those in affairs) God will judge.� (Heb. 13:4)



There are no easy solutions in the light of church doctrine. If you are a person caught in the traditions that state �without Bible excuse,� you have my heartfelt sympathy. If you prefer to live without remarriage, then this would be best. There is enough baggage without adding more since statistics tell us there are much, much higher rates of failure in remarriages. However, if you can�t, along with Paul I say, �It is better to remarry than burn with lust for sexual gratification and eventually fall into sinful sexual activity with a person or a series of persons which causes great harm to God�s plan for marriage and the family.�

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